Thursday, April 23, 2009

I ATE THE WHOLE THING

"Things I would not tell anyone, I tell the public." ~ Michel de Montaigne.



While blog hopping a few days ago, I found this saying and thought it summed up blogs in general, me in particular. I wish I could remember the blog I found it on but when I hop, it is pretty much a tangled web I weave. A day later I went back to try and find it, I could not retrace my steps Even my history search proved useless. Whose blog I found it on, I would love to thank, for they have turned me on to a mind that I just love. I did some research on Michel and the more I read, the more besotted I became with a 476 year old, Renaissance mind. If you recognize this quote as one you put on your blog, then I thank you. Now, I've got to find his essays.





His truth, however struck me when I thought of this post. What I did is usually one of the things that we rarely even confess to our closest friends, and yet here I am throwing it willy-nilly out into cyber space. Is it the anonymity of a blog? Not really, for my family and friends read my blog. Perhaps it is a form of confession but most likely it is because, I just really didn't have anything else to say today. Regardless, I reveal my confession and obsession.



Stock photo of Pillsbury Orange Sweet Rolls with Icing


These are not gourmet delights, but they delight this person with poorly educated taste buds. It is a rare purchase that I always make with the purest of intentions. I promise myself that I will bake them, eat two, then freeze the rest for a quick sugar fix in the future. That is the lie I tell my self as I slip the carton into my grocery cart, hiding it under the whole wheat bread and Brussels sprouts. Only the cashier will know for sure.


I do wish I had photographed the tray of steaming rolls, slathered in orange icing. Perhaps I really believed my lie of moderation, therefore a picture would be a little dumb. Or perhaps, I didn't want a picture of the body. No corpus delicti--no crime. Innocently, I put two on a plate and sat in front of the TV to watch my Marlins lose.



Oh my, the rolls were good. My oven has been rebelling lately and not holding a true temperature but for these rolls, it did a bang up job. They were incredibly light and the orange icing was melting into the cinnamon crevices. I don't recall getting up, but there were soon two more on my plate.


Perhaps if I had set the whole tray on my lap, I would have seen my error, but the two at a time seemed so innocent and I really thought each two, were the last two. And then there were NONE. Eight rolls, 1360 calories, were in my Dough Girl belly, That is a days worth of calories in one sitting. I was making Pillsbury proud.


Surprisingly, I was not punished with an aching tummy. Physically I felt fine, but I did experience head shaking wonder at my total lack of will power and head hanging shame at my gluttony. The next day I fasted with only liquids to flush out the sugar overload. While I should have felt wired from all that sugar, I was incredibly sluggish. The liquids worked though and I am pretty much back to normal now. Phew !!

Like an unoriginal addict, I swore,"Never again." Also like the unoriginal addict, I am pretty sure such a spectacle will happen again. Hopefully, there will be a long recovery period between bouts of gluttony.


One of the benefits of living such a long time is that you realize that there is no such thing as an original thought nor an original sin. I know, or rather I hope, you are out there. Is having "eaten the whole thing" some where on your resume?


Will you share?

15 comments :

  1. Of course it is, but I'll never tell. The solution to your problem is that you should never bake those unless you are having company - someone who will be more than willing to take half of them off your hands - er your table. I'd be happy to be that person.....LOL

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  2. Lorna Doone cookies are my downfall. I no longer buy them for myself, but a friend who knows my addiction occasionally gifts me with a box. I put off opening it as long as I can (why don't I just give them away, or say "thanks but no thanks" you may ask? Say what?) but when once opened it's a cookie here, a cookie there, perhaps two, and in a matter of a couple of hours, the entire tube of cookies is gone!!! 700 calories -- just like that. :::sigh:::

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  3. I've got pretty good self-control around sweets, but don't open a bag of potato chips near me!

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  4. Ice Cream and Peanut Butter call my name... Even if I'm being good, I can hear both of them CALLING me (especially at nights) --and begging me to eat them. Of course, since I don't want to upset them, I DO manage to eat them ALL. GADS---can't keep either in the house anymore!!!!! HA HA

    Hugs,
    Betsy

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  5. kenju
    What a wonderfully simple solution. Thank you so much for offering to sacrifice yourself. Curious though, would that make the helpful eater an enabler or a protector? Who cares if it works huh.

    Pat
    Isn't it funny how the cookies just disappear when all you had were a couple (at a time) Me too. Like kenju says, have your friend who supplies you to help you eat them.

    robin

    You suprised me. I figured you to only eat healthy stuff. Glad you are one of us with a weakness. Chips I can be reasonable with. Of course now chocolate covered chips would ruin me.

    Betsy,

    Do they make a peanut butter ice cream? No reason not to save dishes if combining is possible. Welcome to the club. Repeat after me, "My name is Betsy-----"

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  6. I sometimes like ice cream and cheeze its. I know it is not the same but I like it.

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  7. Great post! Thank you for putting yourself out there so we could all laugh with you. My story of shame goes one step farther. When I was in college, as an attempt not to eat a whole batch of rich chocolate cookies with Reese’s peanut butter chips that I had just made, I threw them in the trash. Unfortunately, a few minutes later I actually dug them out of the garbage can (they were wrapped in plastic) and ate them. Ugh!

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  8. Abe
    Do you eat them in one sitting? Interesting combination. Bet you can control the amounts though. Most men can, darn it.

    Jewels,

    Somehow, that sounds all too familiar. You are not alone. Can't remember what it was, but I do remember fishing some forbidden treat out of the trash. Guess we can only set fire to our temptations to be safe.

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  9. I am amazed and rather glad to know that I am not the only one to have dug food out of the garbage. We must be kin. : )

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  10. "I ate the whole thing" for me includes:

    - Pizza
    - Large plates of nachos
    - pints, quarts and 1/2 gallons of ice cream

    I'm sure there are more.

    It's been a while since I have been standing in front of the large ice cream freezers at the super market. That became a really bad habit for me.

    Good post. I realized that I am doing pretty darn good on the nutrition front compared to just a few years ago.

    But I love to cheat.
    ;)

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  11. What fun this blog topic is!

    You know how some packets of yummy things have "open other end" written helpfully underneath them...??!! As a boy in the UK I was fond of eating packets of Jelly lumps. I would sometimes find a new packet of them in the pantry and carefully start to dig out the lumps from the "open other end" end. My somewhat flawed theory was that my mother would not see the evidence of my excavation of jelly lumps when she opened the packet from the right end! I suspect that my IQ must have been lower than Homer Simpson's in those days. I was cured of my jelly lump addiction when my parents emigrated (with me in tow) to New Zealand. I was most distressed to discover that there were no such thing as jelly lumps here, just some awful things called jelly crystals. Not sure if you have lumps, crystals, or something else in Arkansas for making jelly (a kind of blob of wobbly, sweet, clear amalgam of glue, water, colouring and flavouring that we enjoyed for desert!)? P.

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  12. Barry,

    Done the nachos, done a pint but a half gallon of ice cream? You da man.
    Glad to know you have improved with your nutrition. We do get wiser with a few years.
    I just love knowing that I am not alone in this. Thanks.

    Peter,

    So sorry I tried to Google "jelly lumps." Won't even go to where Google wanted to take me. Gracious.
    Similar language and culture do NOT mean similar meanings.
    You really had me laughing with your account.

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  13. jewels
    Thanks to Dr. Mudd, we are probably are kin so that has to be the reason we are fellow trash diggers. A heriditary trait.

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  14. And here I was thinking I was all alone. My downfall or one of my downfalls is fresh doughnuts. I will get a bag, yes a bag, and munch on them while driving home. Only thing is I will keep driving around til they are all gone. It's a good thing for the soul confession is, isn't it?

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  15. Brighid
    Confession is good for the soul. I confessed and found lots of equal sinners out there. Makes my sin more tolerable. Thanks for joining the weak willed group. Sorry we are not an exclusive club.

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