Monday, November 26, 2012

DON'T YOU DARE SLEEP




The coldest day of the season hit several days ago with a chilling 21 degrees.  Naturally my propane furnace decided  that would be the perfect time to blow cold air out the registers.  

Now I am someone who normally enjoys the cold.  I love winter clothing, the air smells cleaner and the briskness actually puts a spring in my limp. 

I do not however enjoy sitting around my house, eating or taking a bath blowing smoky vapor when I breathe. I so feel for those in Sandy's path who have had to do that very thing. My heart hurt for those poor souls.

I was so much luckier.  I checked the furnace and saw the pilot light had gone out. So I just lit it again and away I went as though nothing had happened.  All was warm again.

Then at around 9 PM, I was taking a bath when the cool breezes hit again taking a bunch of the comfort and fun out of a warm tub.  Hum--- pilot light went out again.   So once more I lit the pilot and went to bed.

The third time it happened around 1 AM when the chill woke me up.  I realized I could no longer trust the furnace and resorted to my back up heater on the bedroom wall.  It is also propane but not vented so in order not to asphyxiate myself in my sleep via carbon monoxide, I had to open up the bedroom door.

Well that gave my cat Minnie (formerly known for her paint peeling gas attacks which thankfully have been cured) free access to the bed and---me.  Not a good thing. 

I willingly let Mighty Dog sleep on the bed for he takes up no more room than a throw pillow and never moves. I don't even know he is there once my eyes close.

Minnie however is another story and really makes sleep a struggle.  She alternately drapes herself over my face making breathing difficult, head butts me, pins my legs to the bed by sprawling on them then yowls incessantly when I put her on the floor. Minnie is the bed buddy from Hell and thus is normally banished from the bedroom at night.

The only worse pet  I ever attempted to share my bed with was Loki, my first Great Dane.  A beautiful 180 pound creature for sure but he would stab me with his giant toe nails, hogged the covers, snored like a drunken stevedore and passed noisy, noxious gas.  We only tried it once. I told him he could only get away with that behavior if he were buying the groceries and paying the mortgage.

Anyway, Minnie kept me up all night either pouncing on me or griping noisily when I kept putting  her on the floor.  She has no conception of  "inside voice." 

I was exhausted and so was she next day.  However, I had things to do like getting the furnace fixed.   She had nothing at all planned.

This is what I kept seeing through out the day.


Think she might need to work on her core.

In my heart I wanted to bounce her on the bed like it was a trampoline and growl, "Don't you dare sleep!!!!"

Instead I took a passive aggressive approach. Every time I passed her I would pet her, perhaps just a wee bit vigorously, to make sure she would wake up.  The first couple of times I woke her, she would purr a bit quizzically but seemed to enjoy the attention.  

However as the day wore on, her reception of my wake-up-petting  became strained. In my head I snarled the, "Don't you dare sleep" each time I woke her but in actuality, using my singsong voice reserved for pets and small children I sweetly asked her,"And how does that feel Dumplin?" Her day I am guessing was as long as my night. 

A millisecond after a long yawn.  I just wasn't quick enough.
 Her squinty eyed, pitiful look that I captured just after she had enjoyed a deep yawn clearly imparted the message,"What's with all this affection crap? Can't you see I am trying to sleep here?"

Revenge really does have a sweet taste. I may not be proud of my behavior but I must say it was rewarding. We both slept quite soundly that night.   

Have you ever slipped over to the dark side and sought an equivalent retaliation for the unpleasant behavior by another??

49 comments :

  1. Oh Patti, it's so good to have you back. You already made my day. There were so many lines I loved, especially the one about Minnie needing to perhaps strengthen her core.

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  2. Yes, it's like the sun has come out with this post from you! I laughed out loud at your description of Minnie's pattern of torture... I do hope you got the furnace fixed with no problems. :-)

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  3. So, did the furnace get fixed? Hope so.
    How do critters that weigh under fifteen pounds take up so much space?

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  4. This post made me laugh out loud. I too have attempted to take my revenge on the cat from h*ll by picking her up (she hates that) and petting her (she hates that) and kissing her head (also hated). So yeah, I can relate.

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  5. How wonderful to hear from you again!
    I will have to wait for the evening to read your post.
    In the meantime, welcome back and best wishes,
    Merisi

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  6. Ha ha your post made me laugh and the look on your cat's face is priceless. We had 2 burmese cats, and having experienced one night of having them sleep on our bed ...NEVER AGAIN! It was like torture.

    I hope you get your furnace sorted out quickly. We've had boiler issues so I know what it's like.

    Lovely to see you back!!

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  7. Such a way with words! I loved the bed banishment of the Great Dane especially.

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  8. Damn cat..... What goes around comes around. Through all that, did you get the furnace looked at?

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  9. Ooh...I so enjoy your posts! Makes my day!!!

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  10. Hope you are warm and toasty once again. I grew up in a family with cats. We always had at least two and usually more. They seemed to prefer sleeping around my head and hair. Great post!

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  11. Oh my gosh I do see me in you! I understand COMPLETELY! sandie

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  12. Hope your furnace gets fixed & you get a good night's sleep tonight! My pet hippo & I are going back to bed.

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  13. HI there, It's great to hear from you!!!! I miss your entertaining blog posts....

    Sounds like you 'nicely' got Minnie back that next day!!!!! ha ha..... (She is a gorgeous cat --even if she HOGS the bed!!!)

    Hope you got your heater fixed. Why does it always happen during the coldest nights of the year?????

    We are still using our OLD (original) electric furnace here. We get it inspected twice a year --and they keep saying that it's working like clock-work. BUT-we know that one of these days (probably during a cold night), it will die..... So far though---so good. At least, we do have the wonderful fireplace in case we need it.

    Hugs,
    Betsy

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  14. If I had slipped to the Dark Side, i would never reveal it in a public forum. Dianne

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  15. I was so excited to see your blog lit up in my Google Reader when I got online today. And oh, how I enjoyed reading this. Sorry about your interrupted sleep, you have given me some ideas. I have one cat that loves to wake me in the night. Hope you have your furnace fixed very soon. Hugs for you and some nose kisses for Mighty and Minnie from me and my crew.

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  16. oh Patti, I am so sorry you are freezing over there :( Hope it get's fixed at once.

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  17. marciamayo,
    Thank you and I am so glad you enjoyed. She and I could both use some work on that "core" area.

    Djan,
    So happy Minnie and I found your funny bone. Long story but the furnace fixed itself after two service calls.

    Smartcat,
    Yep, all fixed. How true, you would think they were all great danes.

    RV Vagabonds,
    I love it. The perfect revenge. Minnie would just eat up your "punishment"

    Merisi
    Thank you so much. I hope to post a wee bit more frequently in the future.

    LLCoolJoe,
    They do try our patience don't they:))
    Hope you are functioning also. So far so good for me.

    Olga,
    Aw thank you. So glad you liked it. He did push my good nature.

    Muffy,
    What is fair is fair right?
    Had two different service men
    who couldn't find anything wrong, then it fixed itself.Spooky

    turquoisemoon,
    Thank you, that makes my day.

    Meryl,
    Thanks, all warm again. Wonder why cats love our heads. We must feel like litter mates.

    Sandie,
    Thanks and glad you do also. Now I don't feel so awful.

    fishducky,
    All is well again and Minnie is banished to the livingroom. Guess your"Hippo"is a bed hog also:))

    Betsy,
    Thanks. She is almost overly loving but a really great cat. Glad I could get her back in a passive way.

    Dianne,
    Ah but what better place to expose trips to the dark side than a forum where you are mostly anonymous.

    Maggie,
    Thanks so much. Good to be back if on a spotty basis. Cats really do hate to see us sleep.

    Introverted Art,
    All is back to normal now, or at least I hope so. Thanks.

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  18. Hi Patti, so good to see your post today. Your Minnie is a beautiful kitty and I loved that sleepy-faced expression!

    I hope you get your furnace fixed soon. Ours is old and limping along. We had planned to replace it this year, but being the procrastinators we are, we put it off yet again. So, our fingers are crossed that it makes it.

    Loved your post, give Minnie a scritch for me!

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  19. LOL, LOL....Ahhhh, dear Minnie. I am so happy you posted my dear Patti...And I am Happy To Hear, the Gasbag is no longer manufacturing!!!

    My biggest question: Did the Furnace get fixed? I am assuming it did and so therefor both you and dear Minnie were able to get the much needed Night Sleep...lol!

    Sometimes I would get P.O.'d at dear Sweetie when he would give me a little bite--and he would be thrown out of the Bedroom! I know he did not understand, but...in my mind I was punishing him....Help Us Oh Lord! LOL!

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  20. LOL... that's all ... well, maybe a heh ... and well ... plus she's awfully cuddly ... ;)

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  21. Too funny! Glad Minnie let you get some sleep the next night. : )

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  22. Oh Patti, you crack me up! Sorry about your heater problems.

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  23. You are too much. I hope your critters all got the memo, "Leave Patti alone at night, or you will pay." You had me laughing with this post. I'm sorry you did not get any sleep, but this experience did give you great writing material.

    I hope the furnace is working properly now.

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  24. Patti, you are so funny! No, I don't think that I have ever got back at a pet before. Our lab, Sonny slept with us for awhile when he was a puppy, but when he peed at the end of the bed that was over.

    So happy to see you back to blogging!

    Kathy M.

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  25. Dear Arkansas Patti, I laughed out loud at this line under the photograph of Minnie: "Think she might need to work on her core." Of the three cats with whom I live (Ellie, Maggie, and Matthew), Ellie needs to do some work on her core also. I just can't seem to stop her from eating from any bowl that has cat food in it. And I'm not quick enough to pick up Maggie and Matthew's bowls and stash them in the cabinet when they still have some kibble in them.

    Now I need to work out this "revenge activity" you've suggested by your plot to keep Minnie awake. Ah, it takes a devious mind to be so sinister!!!!! Once I've worked it out, Ellie won't know what's happening! Peace.

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  26. Cheryl,
    Sure hope yours holds out. Mine is acting up again but I am staying warm with back ups. I just hate the thought and expense of a new one.

    OOLOH,
    Only cats can bite us and have it called a "love bite".
    Furnace was fixed but it is on the fritz again. I am warm though and not panicked. Hopefully someone will figure it out.

    Carolyn.
    Thanks and yes she is.

    Jewels,
    Furnace is acting up again. Hope I don't have a repeat of the other night. I have been waking her up all day hoping she will sleep tonight and I can open the door:))

    Terri,
    Thanks so much.
    We are still working on it but my back ups are keeping me warm.

    Retired English Teacher,
    Delighted I found your funny bone. Furnace is still a work in progress but I am warm and almost have made a night sleeper out of Minnie.

    Kathy,
    Oh no, I had a Basanji do that once. Puppys you can understand, my dog was an adult dog with an attitude.

    Dee,
    I had that problem with Minnie when I first got her as she had been a starving stray. I got a portable floor cabinet with doors, put the dry food feeder in there and let both cats eat for a certain time limit, then shut the doors for the rest of the day. Minnie is truly soft bellied but not grotesquely fat like she could be.

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  27. Our power went out during the night over Thanksgiving. No heat also made us think of the folks in the wake of Sandy. Ours came back within just a few hours, thank goodness. Heat is so much more important in late November! Love your kitty! She has personality.

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  28. Lovely post, and gave me a chuckle. Our Nigella Stopit and Minnie must be soul mates... both had gas and both seem incapable of allowing anyone to get a night's sleep. I suspect our NS gets bored at night and wants entertainment. If she fails to get us up, she jumps on poor Ginger who generally sleeps between us on his back with his feet in the air. Then, with him kicking, and her jumping up and down, we really do fall out of bed and have to take notice! Well done keeping Minnie from sleeping all day.. we fantasize about trying something similar with ours! Pxx

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  29. Hi Patti! I love your stories!It is good to hear from you again, Patti! Our cats always slept on the bed they were very good, only two young ones thought it a great idea to chase each other during the night. They used to run across the bed and kept us awake all night until we put them outside our bedroom.

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  30. Always glad to see a post here, Patti. Yes, I have wanted to reciprocate in kind to our kitty cat, and have nudged him around a bit after a particularly sleepless night. He never really seems to grasp that it's payback. I think he has no concept of time.

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  31. Cats make you feel that you are sharing their bed. I try to keep it to two ...one that tries to keep me awake ...the other who sleeps like a huge imovable rock ...some times a couple sneak in after my nocturnal trip to the loo ...if you could see me getting back into bed ...I'm so soft ...I try not to disturb the sleeping felines. Hope you keep warm and the heating hangs on for this winter ...my boiler is being temprmental at the moment too.xx

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  32. Too funny! I had so much fun reading this. I don't think it was torture at all. It was very lovingly practical. I'm glad you were able to get some sleep, both of you.

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  33. chlost,
    Loss of power can really bring you up short. We are so dependent.
    Thanks, she really is a peach that had a horrific beginning.

    Peter,
    Now Ginger sounds like a winner. NS is a lot like Minnie. Gotta love em anyway don't we?

    Reader Wil,
    They are night hunters normally so I guess it is their natural behavior. It is just hard to sleep when you are being smothered like Minnie does or raced over like yours did.

    robin,
    Isn't it funny? Most often they take it as a game. Perhaps we could learn from them.

    Angie,
    Ah, you are a far nicer momma than I am and are so well trained. You have some lucky cats.
    Hope your boiler problems are solved. I think mine finally are.

    Kay,
    I guess she was a bit confused not quite knowing if my petting was a good thing or a bad thing. It did at least, for a day, straighten out her days and nights.

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  34. Your Dane actually weighed more than my husband does. However aside from the toe nails, they are actually quite similar. Can't remember any retaliation. You've got me thinking though.

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  35. Hope the furnace is fixed. I have done the odd little tweak to get back at hubby, hehe
    Nothing big.

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  36. yeah, frequently, but only with men, never with pets.

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  37. HA HA HA So typical of household where animals rule, or think they rule. Reminds of Luckie's breakfast routine, I will have to write some time, when this cardiac rehab slows down a bit. Thank goodness I only have one 2-legged creature and one 4-legged creature who think they rule the house.

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  38. When my grand dog Molly comes to visit, she keeps waking me up at night, and I am not happy when that happens. It is all I can do not to pet her awake during the day time. I know exactly how you feel.

    BTW: how did you cure the gas attacks?

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  39. Barb,
    Ha ha, he was bigger than some men I knew. Standing on his hind legs, he was over 6 feet tall.

    Heidrun,
    Thanks, finally someone admitting to it. Way to go. Little ones count:))

    Friko,
    Yea another dark sider.

    Nitwit,
    I will be looking forward to that post. Keep up the good work with the rehab.

    kenju,
    Aw, go ahead and wake her up. You would be surprised how nice it can make your life.
    HALO Indoor cat food did the trick. Expensive but soooo worth it.

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  40. LOL I laughed so hard reading about your retaliation against your
    Minnie.
    Glad to know that I am not the only one that does this to their cat after a long hard night. haha
    Sorry about your heater. I hate being cold so it breaks my heart to think of all of those suffering from Sandy's rath.
    Hope your having a great weekend and getting some sleep.
    Love
    Maggie

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  41. Good grief. Not a very restful night. Our kitty Simba is of the deep snozing type and only bothers Mrs T, who is the sleep in type, at about 5:30 to be feed, he says smiling....:)

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  42. It's good to hear from you Patti! Sounds like your kitty is a real character. I'm not a vengeful person. I try to follow the "love your enemies" advice. It seems to work for me.
    Sandy

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  43. Maggie,
    Thanks, the furnace is finally fixed and now the temps are in the high 70's. Go figure.
    It isn't easy training a cat is it:))

    troutbirder,
    Ha ha, sly one aren't your.

    Mom of 12,
    I am usually the same way which is why I could only "love" her awake.

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  44. Oh I remember once during an ice storm in Arkansas we got the inside temp up to 45 it was so cold, only a fireplace insert to keep us warm; we slept in front of the fireplace in sleeping bags, five days later we got electricity. Too many times I have slipped to the dark side. I think cats need to be kept awake during the day because if not they are all up all night.

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  45. Brilliant rendering of how to live with your cat! I've come over to your blog from LC and definitely hope to be back.

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  46. Linda Starr,
    Think I went through that same ice storm. I did have the back up heat so at least I was warm.
    It never hurts to change a cats sleeping patterns:))

    Freda,
    Thanks you for making the trip. I really enjoy and learn from LC's blog. Do come back.

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  47. Laughing so hard here. I love that you took revenge on the cat! I'm glad you stayed cozy, finally.

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  48. Oh boy - I don't really envy your your gorgeous pets... I have enough problems coping with my husband's ambient behaviour in bed.

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  49. Jenny,
    Ah, so glad you enjoyed my poking fun at my cat. Now if I could just get her to see the humor.

    fiftyodd,
    Ha, at least your hubby pays the bills. Minnie tries to get by on her looks and personality.

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