LOST IN MY OWN NEIGHBORHOOD

Can that really happen?? Well I guess I proved it. The other day after reading about a new animal shelter opening up in my neighborhood, I got curious and thought I'd go for a ride to see what it was like.

The new shelter was started by a splinter group that broke away from the Humane Society. No one seems to know the details. The thing I really liked about them was that they put long adds in the “Pets” column in the newspaper. They describe the various dogs in such glowing terms, even I was temped and I have no room for another pet except in a fish bowl.

I have some food that Mighty can no longer eat and some pet supplies that I thought perhaps they could use. So I loaded up Mighty and we went a few hundred feet down the highway to the road the shelter was supposedly on. I could have gotten the address off the computer but I thought “what the hey”, it should be easy to recognize and surely there will be a sign. Besides, this was my "country" neighborhood.

I think I mentioned before that Mighty has a horror of dirt roads. He had been abandoned in Florida on a dirt road. Even after 13 years with me, he still thinks a dirt road spells his doom. As he started his incessant, pitiful moaning and whining, I was doubting my judgment in bringing him.

He crawled into my lap and I did my best to sooth the little guy, both of us knowing it was useless. Still I thought I would just find where this place is then take him back home. In the mean time, maybe the exposure with nothing bad happening to him would help him get over his fear. We really need to work on this.

I had been down this road when I first moved here and was exploring. I remembered being surprised then to see such nice homes so far in the country. Still, I had never followed it till it ended. I drove slowly, examining each house as a possible rescue operation. No dog pens visable, no signs.

So on we traveled, bumping through lovely country to the tune of Mighty's moans. Eventually the homes really thinned out till they disappeared altogether and I might as well have been in the Ozark National Forest. Just trees and a narrowing road.

The road had slimmed down to about a car and a half width. I kept traveling hoping to find a spot to turn around. The road was too narrow to turn around. There was a bank on one side and a steep drop off on the other side. I sure didn't want to back up for several miles. I have too old a neck for that.

Often when I have been exploring Arkansas, I found dirt roads sometimes end in the parking lot of a church. Hoping that would be the case so I could turn around in a church yard, we forged on. Soon we were so isolated I was pretty sure I heard the dueling banjos of “Deliverance” in the distance.

 Ok, I do have an active imagination.

I always pack a winter emergency kit with food, water and a sleeping bag and it was still in the back since Winter wasn't technically over yet. At least I knew we wouldn't starve--- right away. I did make a mental note to add some food for Mighty in a future kit for he is usually with me. He is gluten intolerant so he needs special food. Note taken.

Obviously since I am writing this, we made it out. That road wound around for many miles and about 20 minutes later it finally dumped me out on the very road I live. By then, the dirt road had shrunk to one car width. As soon as we hit the pavement, Mighty ceased his whining, crawled back to his side and went to sleep, exhausted. I had a lap full of drool and frazzled nerves.

Did I ever find the shelter? No, but next time, I will have an address and no dog.

Do you ever get going down a path in life, feel it may be wrong but continue on regardless, not wanting to consider the time all ready invested as a waste? Do you continue watching a bad movie or slug through a bad book to the bitter end??

I have learned to walk out on a movie and to delete a bad book quickly from my Kindle. Now it seems I need to work on when to give up on a strange road going no where. Life is a learning process that never ends.

SUCH A WAIST

Before you get your red pencils out to correct my spelling, that is the spelling I was going for.

"THE WAIST IS THE PART OF THE ABDOMEN BETWEEN THE RIB CAGE AND HIPS. ON PROPORTIONATE PEOPLE, THE WAIST IS THE NARROWEST PART OF THE TORSO."

It is that "proportionate people" part that gets me. That once fits my physical description, but not now. I no longer have a narrowest part of my torso. An rectangle figure best describes me. Do you see yourself here??

apple, pear, hourglass, rectangle

I think the lack of a waist all started with the elastic waistband. Such an insidiously clever and comfortable invention it is true but I suspect it to be the root cause of a nation of people struggling with their waistline.

Thanks to the elastic waist band, there is no pain as our middle loses definition. We have no discomfort to warn us that it is time to shove our chairs away from the table. It just gently expands. It is truly an enabler.

I like to twist the exercise devotee’s mantra,” no pain, no gain.”  My version, "Feel pain, no gain."  If we all felt the pain around our middles via a no-give band before that dessert, then we pretty much could avoid the gain. 

A static waist band should be mandatory in the clothing industry. That would force us to face the truth on a daily basis though I have seen some fellows who just lower their rigid waistbands a bit to where there is less girth. Hopefully I can avoid that pitfall.

Besides adding sadness to my morning weigh in, my lack of waist has an embarrassing side effect.  I have discovered the waist has a function that I now greatly miss. Oh what a handy gadget my waist was.

The indention between the ribs and hips was the perfect hook to secure my jeans. There is no way they could slide off. However with the lack of a waist and that darn elastic waist band, I am constantly tugging to pull my pants up.

I don't notice it much during the Winter but Spring with the bending at the hips to pull weeds has me constantly tugging at my drawers to keep from flashing passersby. I am feeling quite plumber-esque and was thinking suspenders for a while.

Ok, what to do at this late date? At the stage I am now, I can't buy anything with a rigid waist band that will fit my current size. To get a size to fit my waist, I would need jeans so large a family of plump raccoons could live in the bottom half.

I am thinking of a belt to wear over my elastic waistbands for that necessary discomfort. This would be two fold. It would restrict my urge to splurge on food but would also help to hold up my pants and keep me from mooning my neighbors.

Then as the discomfort forces me to be more aware of portion size and my waist begins to reappear, I can just tighten the belt a notch. I may have a winner here. I'll let you know if it works.

Oh pish posh, I have rethought this and I'm sticking with comfort. Wonder if they make girlie suspenders? Till then, look the other way neighbors.

Do you still wear a static waistband or have you been seduced by the elastic cheater? There may still be time for you.