SEX AT 14

Sometimes you just have to laugh at someone else's pain.

I rarely watch Oprah as it is a timing thing, but on this particular day I did and it was a repeat which you may have all ready seen. I say watch, but I was listening while fixing dinner in the kitchen. Finally after about half an hour, I heard enough to rope me in. There were two fourteen year olds discussing their desire to have sex. The boy's mother and the girl's mother flanked them while Dr. Laura Berman asked the teens and parents questions.


Actually, I was impressed that the teens had not all ready had sex. They were very attractive kids who had gone steady for several months. I am aware that the age for experimentation keeps getting younger and younger. I do remember in my mid 20's being a counselor to a Tri Hi Y group of junior high girls. On a weekend camping trip to Lake Placid in Florida, we had to console a seventh grader who was streaming tears for she had just learned she was the only virgin in the group. I am pretty sure that there was a bit of untruthful bragging going on in that group.

I was barely 10 years removed from high school and in my day some girls lied that they were still a virgin while this group lied that they weren't. I thought things were moving at lightning speed then. That was almost 50 years ago and things have certainly not slowed down.


The thing that drew my attention to these kids on Oprah, was that they professed love for each other and this was not just a curiosity, experimentation thing. Kind of sweet if stupid. The boy was precious and throughout the whole interview, his ears burned bright red. I guess they had put makeup on his face but forgot his ears.

Laura asked question after question and am a bit embarrassed to admit, I actually learned some stuff. Tough to admit you are learning along with 14 year olds.

Pregnancy was brought up and both were asked what they would do if that happened. The boy said it was her decision but that abortion or adoption would be considered. He was quick with his answer and you could tell he had gone there in his mind with parental guidance.The girl looked blank on the pregnancy question and it was obvious that option had never crossed her mind.

The division how boys think and girls think became increasingly clear. The cool thing was that this was baby men and baby women before any games and deceptions are learned. They answered sincerely and honestly which was to be the downfall of the poor boy. He was about to learn that there are no good answers to some questions posed by the opposite sex.

The boy remained steadfast in his determination to unroll a condom but you could see the girl wavering. Then Dr. Laura asked the question that would nail the little boy like a bug on the end of a pin.

"How long do you expect this relationship to last?" Laura asked the red eared boy.

"I don't know," he answered not happy at all with the question. "Our relationship has no expiration date."

"About how long after you have sex?" Dr. Laura persisted.

The boy thought a while then said, "Probably six months, or a year." He said confidently. He was pretty sure that was a good answer as it was pretty long for a 14 year old relationship.

The girl's eyes rolled back in her head and her mouth dropped open.

Dr. Laura looked at the girl, smiled and said, " And you were thinking forever weren't you?" to which the girl nodded.

The boy's goose was cooked. He got his first lesson that honesty is not always going to get you what you want with us women. His down fall was rapid. The girl decided she definitely wanted out of teenage sex to which the audience of mostly women gave her a standing ovation.

It was not nice to laugh at pain but I couldn't help it. The boy looked beaten as he realized that Christmas was not coming this year and that he had personally killed Santa.

Thank goodness there are few teenagers in my family at present and can only sympathize with you if you have them close by. Scary thought people but remember that "how long question" and use it if necessary. It is a " we want to take it to the next step" puppy-love deflator. Hopefully, they won't have seen the show.

You're welcome.