CAN A MAN BE TOO NICE?

I have introduced you to some of the men in my life and for the sake of interest and humor, I chose to tell you about some of the losers. My pimp want-a-be, the newly released convict, the cop who stole my car, and my harmless stalker. If you throw in my emotionally abusive husband, you get the impression that I only attract the really strange. Not entirely true. Often it was me letting a really good one get away. Or in the case of Jeff, a guy that was just too nice for Patti.


I am calling him Jeff because he looked a LOT like Jeff Chandler, a movie star in the 40' and 50's. Jeff was a customer in the bank and had all the girls a twitter. He was tall, had a great tan which set off his gorgeous prematurely grey hair. He even had similar features to the real Jeff pictured below. They could have easily been brothers.

Jeff had been in the service and while stationed in Hawaii, he fell in love with and married a native girl. They had two beautiful daughters but his wife had a terrible time adapting to the United States, missed her home and family terribly and was often cruelly treated by bigots.

When the girls were 6 and 8, they came home from school one day to find their mother's body on the kitchen floor. She had put a gun in her mouth and ended it all. I can't even begin to imagine the horror those poor girls went through. Jeff was almost destroyed.

I met Jeff about 2 years later and we started dating. I had never then nor have I ever since dated a more considerate man. He gloried in giving. Each day was a new present, perhaps flowers, perhaps a surprise picnic, perhaps a whole new set of tires for my car.

I have always been easy to give to. No matter what is given, I am tickled to death to receive any gift. Jeff said it was one reason he loved to do things for me. I was always delighted and never said,"Aw, you shouldn't have done that." He said whenever someone said that, he couldn't help but think,"well maybe I shouldn't have." That easy part of me however would eventually lead to our undoing.

I met and fell in love with his children. Kapi and Dani. They were beyond precious and made no bones about the fact they wanted me in their family. I met and really liked his mother and the feeling was mutual. She was a dandy. Norman Rockwell would have loved her. We often did things together as a family. We ate together, played together, but we also had time for the two of us. He was a true romantic.

So what could possibly wrong here? I can feel some of you getting the urge to slap me up side the head. Trust me, that urge will get stronger.

Whatever I wanted to do, we did. Whatever I might mention that I wanted, I got. He was a fountain of compliments and gifts. And, I found myself taking advantage of him. As much as I knew I should, I didn't love him. The more he let me take advantage, the less I liked us both.

He would let me walk all over him, never complaining, which made me do it all the more. I guess I wanted more of a partner than an obedient servant. Often male marriage vows make the claim,"She makes me a better person." I can only claim that sweet Jeff "made me a horrid person."

Don't despair too much at my stupidity for this story has a really happy ending. I finally broke up with Jeff but he kept coming into the bank and would wait in line at my window. We remained good friends though I knew he would have been thrilled with a rekindled relationship.

Then Susan joined our bank. She was a bit younger than I and was a dark haired version of me. Everyone said we looked like twins and we easily became friends. Susan was divorced with 2 boys. She had been married to a really nasty man who drank, gambled, physically beat her and abused her emotionally. She was divorced and terribly wounded. Men and marriage terrified her.

Sue worked in bookkeeping which was directly behind the teller line. One day she came out and saw me talking to Jeff. She was definitely interested and later asked me all about him. Ye old light bulb went off and I saw a wonderful solution for two problems. Sue had not known a good man and Jeff was as good as they came. So I arranged a meeting, introduced them, then sat back and watched with glee.

Jeff was originally attracted to her by the similarity in our appearances but after dating her a while, they fell deeply in love. His kids liked her kids, his mom approved and soon there was to be a wedding planned. I was very pleased when Sue asked me to be her matron of honor. I was pretty puffed up with the fruits of my meddling. Not sure anyone was more happy on their wedding day than I was.

The too-good-man at last found a woman who could really appreciate him and the wounded lady was finally healed. Last heard, they are still happily married today and are grandparents. Told you this had a happy ending.