COW SAVER

There are cow punchers, cowboys, cowgirls and cow dogs but recently, I was elected a cow saver by my neighbor's herd. It was not something I sought nor wanted. It just happened.

My neighbor, SA has a lovely piece of property and manages about 30 head of cattle on his land. He is more in the order of gentleman rancher as opposed to a working rancher. His real job is as county judge.

I just love watching the herd peacefully graze, play, fight and have sex, all from the comfort of my porch swing. I don't have to feed, vet or work them, just enjoy. Wish I had thought of this years ago. He also keeps 3 horses in with the cows. It is a very compatible group and I enjoy my pretend ownership.

My neighbor also owns a large pit bull. This dog has run a hapless cat on to my property more than once. Fortunately, there is always a fence between us and I use my very best meter reader “get the blankety- blank out of my life” voice that sends the dog running. She is all muscle and no backbone.

A while back she had a litter of 4 puppies that somehow all convinced SA that they should be allowed to stay. The puppies have been growing and are now about 6 months old. Two or three dogs constitutes a pack, 5 dogs is a scary pack. Lately the whole bunch, mom included, have decided it would be great fun to run the cows.

The dogs start yipping, chasing and pretty soon there is a thunder of hooves and bawling to mingle with the yips. I have seen what a pack of dogs can do to cows or horses by running them thru fences and getting them cut up on barb wire. This is not good. I have also seen the after effects when a pack takes down and tears up a calf with no problem.

I told one of his teenage boys what was happening and they swore they would take care of it. Well no one has. This does not occur every day, but often enough. When I hear them yipping, I go out and stand at the fence line and insult their ancestors in my loudest voice and demand they go home.

The pack will fearlessly taunt a giant bull, but that crazy old gray haired lady at the fence line seems to scare the bejebies out of them. They run like they have been scalded when I crank up my best yell. Now this is a large pasture and sometimes my voice just won't carry across twenty or more acres. That is when the cows have learned to improvise.

I have never thought cows particularly smart. Sweet--yes, lovely eyes--yes, smart--no. This herd however is rather clever. They noticed that I have influence over the dogs so the cows will run helter skelter to my fence line, pile up in the corner and wait almost calmly for me to run off the dogs.

I yell, the dogs run home and the cows bob their heads in my direction in appreciation and the horses come over for a nose rub. So far a workable situation but one that needs to stop. It is not fun running out in the cold of dawn in my jammies trying to be that scary old lady the cows want me to be. Pretend ownership has real drawbacks.

So you have now officially met a “cow saver.” Should I be shopping for a spandex outfit with a big CS on the front? Of course if it were a herd of bulls, I could put BS on my super hero outfit. Might be more appropriate.

Wonder if this ability would carry any weight on a resume?

It has been several days since the last running of the cows. Perhaps my career is over. Sorry I didn't get pictures but I never thought of a camera till the dogs had been run off. Superhero extraordinaire, photographer a total failure.