DEAL BREAKER

Though I have been single a good portion of my adult life, I was engaged 3 times. Just could never pull the trigger after my failed marriage. This is about one of those times.

Bill was a friend of a friend. He was a known player and heart breaker so my friend some how thought he was the perfect match for me. Pretty sure that wasn't meant to be flattering.

I was also notorious for ducking in and out of relationships whenever they got serious. My marriage had really made me leery of a lifetime commitment. I do believe there were side bets when he and I met whether we would fight fiercely or find love.

Bill had finished law school but was now a career Marine. I guess he just loved service life as he had been raised in the military. Since he had a law degree, he was made a Marine Corps Judge Advocate. His job included military-specific cases, such as courts-martial, assaults, minor crimes , or perhaps personal legal counsel to fellow servicemen and women. Nothing nearly as exciting as the TV show JAG portrayed.

Marine Corps Judge Advocates are Marine officers first and lawyers second. Besides lawyer activities, in the Marines they also do things like lead infantry units. It's the officer equivalent of the "Every Marine is a rifleman" ethos. As a result, they're not "in an office" all day. Bill was definitely a Marine first.

We did hit it off with sparks flying. He was smart, quick witted, surprisingly gentle, considerate, and strikingly handsome in uniform. We were inseparable for about three weeks when he asked me to marry him. Perhaps it would have gone slower but he was on leave and anxious to make the commitment.

He was smitten and I was equally smitten so I said yes and started envisioning my life as a military wife. Being raised almost like an army brat myself, the whole idea appealed. We set the date for the following year, realizing we needed to get to know one another just a wee bit more.

Then he went back to Camp Lejeune. He bought me a Siamese kitten to snuggle with at night, wrote and called constantly. I missed him so much but he was able to get regular time off so it wasn't like I didn't see him at all. During this time, we learned about each other.

We discovered we had sharp differences regarding politics, religion, race and were poles apart in child rearing methods. In the beginning of a relationship, passion paints all those differences a bland, non-threatening color. Surely they will work themselves out is the mistaken path of new love.

Then the deal breaker happened. Have you ever had a potential mate, say or do something so startling that just wasn't tolerable? One day when Bill was on leave, he was bemoaning the fact that he was serving in peacetime. To my shock, he said that he wished America would go to war. I was a bit put off and asked him why.

“Because, I have been trained to kill and I may never get to.“ he said with total sincerity and more than a little vigor. This was not a kid but a 30+ year old.

Sometimes guys, what may impress your buds, just turns off your gal. We just do not have that warrior gene. I am pretty sure this was not a hidden serial killer impulse. It was warrior thinking that I thought had been bred out of the human race.

Any fool knows men killed in war, I just wasn't aware that some actually wanted to. That desire lived in Bill and for some reason, that changed my feelings for him that day and I could never get them back. Perhaps adding this to our many differences, was just what tipped the scales. It was my deal breaker.

As far as I know, he never realized his dream and spent entire his military career uninitiated by serving in peace time or was too old to go to the front when war did come. Today he is selling real estate in Florida and I am sure is a delightful fellow.

When you were dating and before you met Mr. or Mrs. Wonderful, what did you consider to be a deal breaker?