REMEMBERING BUTTER

Since I moved around a lot through my life I never got to see how people turned out.  Sometimes I will think of an old friend and will search Google to find a trace. Sadly at my age, what I usually find is an obituary.

Even if I didn't know them that well, sadness will wash over me and I will feel badly for the loss of that person.  My heart goes out to their family along with regret for the time we spent apart--- lost years. The ache may be brief or it may be prolonged depending on how close we were.

That had always been the case till I recently stumbled upon John's obituary. I was a bit shocked at my reaction at reading his obit. I couldn't stop smiling and feeling a warm happiness. There was no empty hole, just fullness.

John, also known as "Butter," was a dear friend from about 30 years ago. He was part of a law firm that had offices over our bank. His law partner was our bank president so John was usually at all our gatherings, a part of our work family. He was witty, kind and caring. He was occasionally a freebie lawyer for me or my family. Not a small favor.

He and I had an attraction that we thought about and sometimes talked about but never acted upon. He was married, something we both respected.  Still the attraction was strong and harmless flirting was enjoyed by the both of us. We had a ten year history as caring friends with a special bond.

Often our employee gatherings migrated to local night clubs after work for a few drinks. John was well known by most of the house bands and they would always ask him to sit in and sing a few songs.  He had a marvelous voice and could have made a decent living had he chosen entertainment. His nickname was Butter for his voice was just that smooth with perfect pitch.

Reading his obituary, I was a bit concerned and feeling rather guilty that I felt no sadness learning of his death. This had never happened before. This was not a casual friend, he meant a lot to me. So why??

Finally I realized there was no sadness for all my memories of him were happy ones. His life had been good and long. He was much loved and loved freely in return. His life had been used wisely and there was no need for sadness. We had no words left unsaid.

As I read the many memorials I realized I was not the only one to feel this way. My feelings were not unique but the norm.  I am sure those in his family felt the deep pain of his loss but those of us just on the edge apparently did not.

Then I thought, what a great legacy.  To part this earth without feelings of pain and emptiness felt by those left behind but instead leaving smiles, wonderful memories and gratitude for having been a part of that person's life. Wow.

Have you had someone like that in your life? Would you want those to be the memories you leave behind to your friends?