Thursday, August 18, 2011


There is an expression in pop culture that is the combination of the words gay and radar, “gaydar”. This is supposed to be an ability some people have that enables them to spot a gay person on sight. I don't have that, nor do I have “lousedar” or “loserdar” though either of those would be much more useful.

What I do have is “sweetdar.” I can spot a person who is totally and honestly, sweet in a few minutes. They don't even need to speak for these people cast an aura, an aroma, a sense of well being on all those exposed.

There are many mortals who are close to true sweetness and I am privileged to have some in my life. But almost all have just enough flaws to keep things interesting. These half breeds don't show up on my radar though I do enjoy them. Only the pure do and they are the exception. Recently one showed up as a big blip on my screen and it was such a marvelous feeling.

The other day the brutal, mind boggling heat finally wore my poor central air conditioner out. It just put out slightly cool air that didn't lower the household temperature and it eventually iced up. Fortunately, we had a cool snap so I was feeling very lucky though a bit fearful as to what was going to be involved in the repair.

My regular A/C man promised to make it by the afternoon but never showed nor called. I called him as dark fell, left a message and asked him to please call me. Nada. This was not at all like him but I knew the cool spell wouldn't last so the next day I called another company. Within 15 minutes, the new guy arrived and boy was I glad. This young fellow was one sweet man according to my radar. All the bells went off.

He was a giant of a man. Well maybe not that big. Since I started shrinking, a lot of guys take on giant status. Still, he was quite bear like in appearance and while pleasant looking, not particularly handsome. The eyes got me first. There was only sweet kindness in those eyes. No deception, no devilry, no capability for meanness nor pettiness , only gentleness.

We talked while he worked and I just bathed in the glow around him. It really is a physical thing. I could only hope the family he went home to appreciated him.

Now would I want one of these special guys coming home to me? Not on your life. I would feel so inferior that I would be driven to drink again. Would I want a family member to marry one? You bet though I would only hope they wouldn't take up drinking to cope. The risk for them would be worth it and Oh My, the children.

I am not sure I would want a congress full of them. I know they would only do what was best for the people but sometimes painful choices need to be made. It's that “can't please everyone” in politics thingy. Besides, there just aren't that many of them.

So the young man fixed my A/C quickly and went on to spread his sweetness around town. My faith in mankind was restored. The glow stayed for quite a while. If I knew how to bottle it or put it in pill form I could quit playing lotto.

Have you met someone like this or do you have “sweetdar?” These people, even with out the “sweetdar”capabilities, you would smile remembering.

Do you have your own specific “dar”??


  1. I have many dars, including a gaydar, but I have a very strong "sickdar". I have a strong sense of when someone isn't nice, or even worse than not nice. I can almost immediately sense if a person is bad.

  2. I would be interested if my 92-year-old mother would show up on your "sweetdar," Even with health issues and now in a retirement home, she still finds ways to help and comfort others. She shows up completely sweet on most people's radar. But your aweetdar is more finely tuned.

    I wonder if it would pick up the sly humor that is usually present, and was not apparent to me until I was well into my own "mother" years. Enjoyed your swwt account of AC relief.

  3. No dars for me. Wish I had one for deceiver dars though, coulda saved my family alot of heartache. But I am one of those trusting, I'm a goose and it's a brand new day kinda people.
    I just love your style of writing and living....always a treat. Oma Linda alias The Olde Bagg

  4. Glad to hear about your sweetdar. I'd like to have some of it, please. I don't seem to have it, but I know when I meet somebody I like instantly. My son had it; he could tell right away if someone was good or bad.

    I do have gaydar, though. I think I do, anyway. It's not something you actually ASK someone you don't know! :-)

  5. No "dar" of any kind except a few drugdars I learned to snift out while working. These probably don't count, because outside the atmosphere in which I toiled, I have a hard time. Recently fired a housekeeper for that problem and ancillary actions. She was outwardly very sweet, because for a time she had me conned which makes me a conned-dar.

    Our neighborhood yard helper is a "nobounderies-dar". I talked to this mother at length and cannot blog as about it as someone might recognize him (or the housekeeper).

    I told him he could access my open wireless network with his iPod. I did not say the whole neighborhood. He barely can get a signal from a stump on our neighbor's property where he should not be.

    As I left the house Monday he & two other guys were with him on the stump stealing my signal which drags down my speed, and no telling what they access on our computers [they were turn off when I saw the 3]. Now I am going to have to encrypt and put passwords on it which I hate. This is not a high crime town.

    He failed to follow his parents house rule, they had to asked before they brought ANYTHING HOME and then he cussed them out, using "F" word and other profanities so fast you could not count them. I would be buried in a grave somewhere in hot Texas dirt with one of those rusty tin faded markers if I had used that language. Or maybe just tossed in the garbage.

    His parents and we agreed to give him the computer but his parents are to impose a week of no use for every cuss word which ought to put it near Christmas, and I bet if would be more If they could remember them all. He has had anger management classes several times and is in alternative school.

    So I guess I am an easy-touch-dar.

  6. I don't know what kind of dar mine is but I cannot zero in a BS-er in 2 seconds! I think your sweetdar with go off if you met my sweet husband.

  7. What a wonderful tribute, Patti. I do know what you are talking about, and you are right, it is a rare quality. I can spot losers pretty easily these days, and active alcoholics too. Just want to keep myself away from those with extra issues; my life is too full for more drama. They still sneak in though, cuz my hubby is very soft-hearted and he collects old men to help.

  8. I can't say I have a dar. I have met people and immediately had my creepdar triggered and it has proven to be true but it is not 100%. Time has shown a few have slipped under the radar.

  9. I think I have some sweetdar...Though, I have been fooled over the years, a time or too...I have pretty good gaydar, though what it is good for I honestly don't know. (lol)
    I think I have a real sense of talent-dar...(I've not seen that word...) Recognizing GREAT Talent is not as easy as one might think...there are so very many incredibly talented people who don't always beome "famous". And quite honestly being 'famous' is no huarentee you are talented--More so today than ever, what with everyone getting their 15 minutes of fame through so called "Reality" TV.

  10. Of course, I immediately think of my granddaughters Hannah and Joy who are loved by teachers (a sure sign of goodness and sweetness). But there are others as well.

    James, the fellow who works on our plumbing from time to time is a sweetheart. He can lift a toliet like I lift a tootsie roll. He is huge and strong and where the feinthearted would recoil, he plays with my little dogs, which pleases me very much. He talks about his mother a lot. He helps her move stuff for her and he does other things sons should do for mothers.

    I tell my sons about James whenever I get the chance, although my sons are also very sweet. Great post Patty. Some people (like you) are just plain nice, and we are lucky if they are in their world. Dianne

  11. I have dars but they are terribly unreliable. I stopped paying attention to them years ago.

    BTW---thank you for your comments on my blog---really loved the one the other day about how full of crap I am. Ha.

    It turns out I am not so full of it literally, but figuratively I am loaded, at least according to my wife. Insert another "Ha" here.

  12. How cool (pardon the pun) it is that you found this A/C hunk of a guy who is also sweet and kind. I'm glad that he left you feeling so refreshed and uplifted.

    I hate it when companies do not call back on repairs, especially when it involves the A/C in the middle of a very hot summer. Not having A/C is really a threat to your health.

  13. I have a few dars, including spotty phony people (usually) a mile off. One being a SIL who has been a thorn in my side for years. I used to be a sweetdar (so I was told) myself until getting constantly stepped on took its toll and I started standing up for myself. (read SIL, and a few others, it's a long story nobody wants to hear!) I'm still nice, I think, but I definitely have my flaws, too. I can't think of anyone I know who is pure sweetness over the age of 10! I must live in the wrong town!

    Glad you got your a/c fixed up. Wonder what happened to the regular a/c man? I guess you were meant to spend time in an aura of sweetness.

  14. If dar is like intuition, I have it but I am just now learning to trust it and go with it.

  15. I think I may have sweetdar too. But also mean-dar and liar-dar. Nice story.

  16. I have no dars.....not a one....I think everybody is a good guy until they prove me wrong. I have the worst intuition known to man. I am however....fortunate enough to be married to a sweet man.

  17. As a therapist, I found I had a couple of "dars" including a bullshit-dar, that proved useful. I've always had a "sweetdar" and just love people like your A/C repairman. A college classmate and dear friend of mine, Tim Schellhart, had such an aura of sweetness and kindness at a very young age, that many of our classmates called him "Tim Sweetheart". Years later, his four children say that he has been the best, most loving, most wonderful father possible. They tell him that they love him on a daily basis -- on his Facebook page and on the phone. So at least one very sweet man is much appreciated by his family!

  18. LLCool Joe,
    Seems to me that talent Joey could be very useful to the police. You should hire out.

    Aw with your description of her, she all ready does. She really sounds special.

    Linda in NM
    Me too on wishing I had a deceiver dar. That sure would save a lot heartache.
    Thank you so much.

    If you like them, who cares if they are perfectly sweet. A little tart is interesting.

    Wow, I'll bet you did have to have it with all the people doctor shopping for prescriptions.
    Some people you just can't be nice to. Sorry about that.

    Aw, lucky you to have a sweetie hubby and to obviously apprciate him.

    Oregon Gifts,
    Me too on avoiding drama.Sometimes hard to do.
    It sounds like your husband has a big dose of sweetie in him.

    I sometimes wonder if my dar is defective but so far I am OK or at least think I am.

    I'll bet you do know of many talented folks who just never got the big break. As for those reality shows, I never watch them and agree with you that the celebrity these folks get is rediculous.

    You know it is odd but some of the sweetiest guys I have met have been big strong men like my a/c guy and your plumber. Your guy sounds adorable.

    I was so pleased that every thing came out all right in all respects. Way to go big fellow.

    Retired English Teacher,
    You are so right. Being with out
    A/C in this heat is a scary thought. I agree, all it would have taken was a phone call.

    Honest they are out there and are over 10. Just don't look for a big bunch. They are a pretty exclusive bunch.

    Work on it if you can. It is a useful power.

    Oh, I want those other dars. They sound really useful. Thanks.

    I do that too, assume the best till proven wrong. I can spot the really wonderful, the creeps slip right on my. Yes, you have found a sweetie.

    Dr. Kathy McCoy,
    I guess a BS-dar is almost a job requirement for you.
    I looked up your fellow on facebook and he set off my sweetdar. It does show through.

  19. Glad you met a sweet one. They are definitely a joy to be around. Can't say as I have any dars, except for sweet dogs.

  20. haha i truely enjoyed your post today! I don't think i have any dar's. To often i put people in "boxes" and they proved me wrong, good or bad. But i love your sense of sweet!

    and Thank you for your sweet comment on my blog last monday. All those comment help with staying in "the better" place.


  21. I'm so out of it when it comes to pop culture... I've never heard of the 'dar' stuff... BUT--I do recognize sweet.. When you meet someone like that, it does restore your faith in mankind, doesn't it???? Glad you got your AC fixed.

  22. Awww... Patti... my Sweetdar is buzzing. I think it's you who's the sweet one. :-)

  23. I'm happy that your A/C is fixed, and happier that it was done was an extremely nice person. While they, truly sweet folk, still exist, they are getting harder to find. As far as I can tell, the only 'dar' I have is 'phoneydar', and it's not always 100% reliable.

  24. Well honey we won't go into my dar's but I sure had fun reading about yours.
    I had to laugh at the drinking part. hahaha
    Thank goodness there are still some out there in this world that do have such a kindness that it sends out a glow around them.
    Funny I kind of see you like that my friend.

  25. So glad your air was an easy fix and didn't have to be replaced. I worry about ours, it gets a work out. I don't have sweetdar, but I do have, nottrustworthydar and I am usually right, something about the "tell" of certain people I think it is. By "tell" I mean how you can "tell" if a person is telling a lie, they give it away unconciously and supposedly really good gamblers can spot the "tell" of other's they are playing to know if they are bluffing or not. I think my Gary is a sweetdar and everyone likes him; strangers end up telling him just about anything; somehow he must seem very trustworthy and unthreatening to them.

  26. My plumber sounds like your guy - sweet through and through. I sure hope I am not wrong about him!

  27. Patti - you find the most interesting topics. I'm keeping all my "dars' secret, though.

  28. I wish I had a sweetdar ...I so often think some one is nice then get proved wromg ...however I do have a strong 'dont trust you' dar..'Notrustdar' sounds better ...usually the bells ring within the first half hour of meeting but no one believes me ...until its too late. So often in years gone by I would go with hubby to a business dinner, sit quietly (which was hard for me),listening and watching body language and when we left I would air my concerns ...he always said I was totally wrong ..but I rarely was.

    Great post subject ...wish I could find such a nice workman.xx

  29. My sweetdar went off the first time I read one of your blogs. :) Isn't it nice and refreshing to meet someone sweet. Our last AC repairman was very sweet and the most polite and nicest we have ever had. Glad you got your AC up and running. Hugs for you and nose kisses for Mighty

  30. I can usually spot a bs-er pretty quickly and have learned to appreciate the rare sweetdar ones in my life. That was a learning curve.

    Glad your a/c is working again. We pray daily over ours. It is supposed to get to 107F today.

  31. Leontien
    I hope I never find out if my sweetdar is defective. That would be too disappointing. May the better place become permanent.

    It absoulutly does especially when you read the headlines.

    Wow, that was sweet of you to say but sadly I am as prickly as an old cactus.

    Yes they are harder to find which is why it is such a thrill when you do. My phonydar never has worked.

    I how I wish, I am so flawed I scare myself.
    I'll bet Pearl has a few dars.

    Linda Starr,
    I had a feeling Gary was going to make the cut. Lucky you.

    Lets hope neither of us ever finds out we are wrong. That would be too cruel.

    Thanks. I usually am all over the place aren't I? You must have some super dars.

    You would think he would have learned to trust your dar.
    When I am almost always proven wrong is when I say, "Wow, are they a great couple." Seems months after I say that, they separate.I have awful goodcoupledar.

    Aw, aren't you nice to say that. I wish I were but I do have my many barnacles.
    Suppose we had the same guy?

    Amber Star,
    They are very valuable. Hope your A/C stays healthy. In the heat we have had, it is not a luxery but a necessity.

  32. Sometimes I feel like none of my dars are working. LOL I don't fall easily for these young men calling and saying Hi Grandma, then giving me a big sob story and wanting money wired to them. I have three Grandsons and I know where they are at almost all times. LOL Just the other day someone called and said Hi Grandma and I said Hi, he said do you know who this is, and I said no, he said your oldest Grandson, and I said which one, and he said think about it for a minute, the tall one, and I said I don't have any tall ones, even though I do and hung up. Next time hope I'm smart enough to say right at the beginning I have no grandsons. LOL I heard an older lady here in town got taken for $2,000.00, and that's a shame. Police told me there's nothing they can do, usually they want the money sent to Canada or some other county and they use throw away phones. You see I called them the first time it happened. But I have met a lot of sweet people in my years here on earth. My paternal Grandmother, a few of my Father's sisters, older neighbor ladies, from childhood to even now and friends my own age. Have a wonderful week-end. You sweet ole thing.

  33. Regarding your comment on my blog that this seemed to be nothing more than a cheap excuse for a cheap affair.......ha. It wasn't cheap and it is my story and I'm stickin' to it.

  34. What I think is most valuable is a "genuinedar" to root out the fake sweetness and the whatsinitforme sneakiness.

    Like you, when I find 'em, I try to stick with them.

  35. I have drinkdar. Show me an alcoholic and I will fall for him. That's why I've given up.

  36. Patty,
    My goodness, that is one sick scam. I haven't heard about that one. So glad you didn't get taken.

    Ha ha, unless you came back 50 pounds lighter with green teeth from eating grass, Cindy would never buy that.

    Wouldn't mind being able to spot that last one also.

    Those are the charmers aren't they? You just need a good dose of a sober sweetie.

  37. I have trouble with these concepts but must say my own feeling is that I do have a natural talent for spotting the hypocrits. Perhaps it's just a tendency toward skepticism.

  38. I noticed you "read" his eyes to determine his sweetness. Is that how you sweetdar all the folk? I do that but I also have a sniffdar. My nose is exceptionally sensetive and plays a huge role in my screening of people I come in direct contact with. Over the net it's totally useless so I'm very vulnerable.

  39. Sorry to learn of your pain. May you heal and carry on again soon. Lately I too have had to lessen my blog visits for health stuff. Bless you.

  40. Artful-dodger-dar here.

    After having lived with two for a decade each or so, I spot them a mile.

    They do not like this. :) They never meant to answer that question. But you make them.

    Bad, bad girl.