Monday, October 16, 2017

PERFECT GIFT---ALMOST


Linda at Two Fixer-Uppers  published a recent post about her husband losing his wallet which reminded me of this story.

Years ago, our much loved supervisor was going to be out for an extended health leave.  His replacement was not nearly as loved.

Where Marvin (the sick) was a fair, smart, funny and a laid back leader, his temporary replacement Bob was young, out of his element, nervous, and borderline rude. He had been an assistant supervisor in another division and was really unfamiliar with our end. 

He did manage to  amuse us as he frequently lost his car keys. We knew what was up when around 4:50, he would start patting himself down, muttering, cruising the office, rearranging his desk, picking up papers and looking in corners for those wayward keys.  Sometimes others would spy the keys but remain quiet. I know--mean.

Then it came time for us to draw names for Christmas.  Every one but me feared getting Bob's name. However I really hoped I would get it for I knew the perfect gift for him. I didn't get the draw but quickly was able to convince the one who got Bob's name  (she was easy to spot by the dismayed expression on her face) to trade with me.

Everyone thought I was nuts but I was confident. It would take a trip to the Hammacher Schlemmer's store of cool gadgets but I had this. It was something I had spied on a previous trip to that fun store.

I was going to get him a Key Locator.  It was two part gadget that consisted of a  key fob plus a remote you could press that would make the hidden keys beep, thus giving up their location.  I was really patting myself on the back.
                                       Key locator

I tried it out before wrapping and it worked perfectly. Of course we would miss those afternoon hunts but I knew it was something he really could use.

Bob was stunned when he opened my gift.  After I explained what it was, he even laughed--which he seldom did-- and he said it was just what he needed.

Shortly after Christmas, Marvin came back to work so I never got to see Bob and the Locator in action.  However I ran in to his wife a week or so later at the supermarket and I learned  why it was "almost" the perfect gift.

Yep, you probably guessed it.  Bob kept losing the remote.

Duh, why didn't that ever cross my mind? Probably should have gotten him one of those that you whistle to activate the beep. Can't lose your whistle.

Did you ever give the perfect gift that had one itty bitty flaw?

Monday, October 9, 2017

SPAM


No, not this kind though I could do a post on it for I really like Spam, especially fried. I tend to keep cans of Spam plus a bunch of fruit cakes as my emergency food supply as we await the storm we have been promised that will follow the calm.  Actually, I am still awaiting that theoretical calm. 
The spam I am referring to are the unsolicited emails that fill up our inbox trying to sell us something.

For too long now I have been getting about 20 of these delights each morning trapped in my spam filter, Greymail.  I love the function, just hate that it is always so full.  The primary content was what annoys me the most.

Some how I was put on a list that seems to think I have a male body part that need enhancing.  Also, they are concerned that since I must be a barely functioning male, I am not having a sufficient  love life.

Women from a large variety of countries offer me pleasure. Yikes.  Sprinkled in among the sex ads and those for medicinal romantic aids are a few ads for RayBan sunglasses or enticements to use an amazing Robot that will make me millions.

Ok, I am careful what sites I visit or so I thought.  I have never visited porn sites nor have I ever inquired about Viagra or the twin bathtub pill.

Recently I discovered what brought this all on. Most of you know I love baseball, especially my Marlins. Well my team did better this year but we are still not in the playoffs so basically my season is over.  Thus I quit visiting the team's official site on Oct. 1 which was the end of the regular season.

Suddenly those passionate women have quit begging to thrill me. Viagra ads no longer show up.  In just two weeks time, my sex spam has dropped steadily from 20 a day zero. Very suspicious.

Did that site sell my address?  Do the buyers assume that if someone follows sports that they must be a poorly endowed male looking for love?  That is harsh.  Men, I'd be offended if I were you.

While I have no actual proof, the results lean towards this conclusion.  Beware of sport sites unless you are looking for a nice Russian girl to talk dirty to you or you need some cheap blue pills.

Do you get a lot of spam?  Have you figured the source?