Monday, July 25, 2016

DAYGLO ORANGE



Have you noticed that the older we get, the brighter the colors are that we pick out to cover our bodies??  Maybe it is just me but I seem to be climbing the ladder to really bright lately.

Perhaps  it's because as I have aged, my own coloring has faded.  Hair has gone from dirty blonde to almost white.  If it weren't for my gardener's tan and coral lipstick, you could put me in a white outfit against a white wall and I would disappear.

Oddly, along with this old bird's desire to have flashy plumage once more, the manufacturers seem to be flooding the market with dayglo colors from the 60's. I have happily fallen right in step with this trend plus I have another theory.

The other day I was wearing my dayglo orange top over white capris when the check out girl made made the remark, "Boy, the colors really are getting bright these days."

Not sure it it were a slam, a compliment or just an observation, so I proceeded to give her my alternate reasoning.

"Well you see," I started, "as we seniors get older we lose some agility and speed. We are pretty much sitting ducks in large parking lots for folks in a hurry behind the wheel of 2000 pound machines. I figure by wearing these colors, it's impossible not to see me.  However if they still hit me, at least I will know it was deliberate."

I just couldn't read her expression which was somewhere between amused and horrified.

Of course the craze Pokemon Go has blown my deliberate theory a bit as people are actually playing that game  while driving. The good thing is that it puts enough distracted walkers in the way to act as buffers.

Have you noticed a change in your taste in clothing?  Has it brightened, changed not at all or are you content to blend in with the background?  Just curious.

Monday, July 18, 2016

FLATULENCE FEAR


Nope, this is not a post about this senior citizen's flatulence nor any human's for that matter.  Fishducky's very funny blog with her post about dogs and a cute flatulence cartoon spurred me to relate this story about my dog Callie's fear.

Callie has recently learned to fart. She is three years old and to my knowledge, this is a new adventure for her.  It's possible she may have been letting silent ones go all along but I never smelled the release and if she did, I am pretty sure it was of something she herself was unaware. Oddly, not farting isn't a trait you can praise a dog for if it never happens.

When she recently had butt surgery to remove her anal glands, the antibiotics upset her digestive system a tad plus she had to work to regain sphincter control.
She was lying on the couch between myself and my company when a very distinct "Pfffffft" erupted from her butt.  Her ears popped up and with terror filled eyes she swung her head sharply towards her tail. She sniffed briefly, then ran wild eyed from the room. I am sure she felt under attack by some unknown force hiding behind her, or worse, in her.

Now my friend and I were howling at her startled reaction which I'm sure didn't help her fear. It is a recognized fact that dogs don't like to be hugged, shamed or laughed at.  We smelled nothing nasty but pretty sure she did. Their noses are so much more sensitive.

Now I have done my research and I have found that some dogs fear firecrackers, thunder storms and loud noises while others do actually fear farts.  Evidently I have a fart fearer.  This was no "pull my paw" fun game for her.  She was scared.

I wanted to capture a short video clip of the event but not knowing when she planned to pass gas made that impossible. Only the farter knows when they will erupt and Callie gave no warning cues.  You will just have to take my word.

Not knowing how long this would go on and seeking to bring my poor dog comfort, I checked out some online solutions. Did you know there are deactivated charcoal flatulence pads? I am sure they could be adapted to fit a dog's behind and they supposedly help eliminate the odor.  Oddly, these are not returnable. Smell wasn't yet a problem---fear was, so I looked on.

Noise cancelling doggy headphones? Diet change? Doggy Beano? I even thought of sitting repeatedly on a whoopee cushion myself till the noise no longer frightened her. However she had only shown mild curiosity and never fear at my own (rare??) explosions in the past.

When you live alone, you don't make any serious effort to disguise this natural function so trust me, it wasn't the noise itself that frightened her. It was feeling, hearing and smelling her own farts that shook her world.  Still I was open to trying anything to help her as she was all ready miserable from her butt surgery.

Time however proved to be the best solution.  As her butt healed, the need for antibiotics ended and her intestinal distress calmed right down. No intervention was needed and no more terrifying puppy poots.  At least if she still does, neither she nor I am aware.  Ahhh.

Have you ever had a pet with a fear of flatulence?