Monday, May 2, 2016

CATERWAULING


Some people have talent. I have been rather seriously short changed in that department.  I was banned from finger painting in the first grade. Some people can't color inside the lines, I couldn't keep the paint on the paper.  Then I bombed in my acting debut as Goldilocks in the 4th grade.  No one in the audience heard one line as I mumbled Brando like into my chest.  Finally, people either split a gut laughing or run in terror when I sing.

I gave up acting completely but I still sporadically attempt pencil sketching for my own amusement and sing when I am pretty sure no one else is around. I find singing fun to do but try to not inflict it on others and usually confine it to my car with the windows rolled up.

Oddly I was unaware I was such an awful singer till I got married.  We were driving to Florida on our honeymoon when I started to sing along with a song on the radio. My brand new husband started laughing so hard he had to pull off the road. With laugh tears filling his eyes, he informed me I was an awful singer. I still didn't believe it till he recorded my voice for me.

Criminy, hearing myself made me realized then just how kind my friends had been all those years who had said nothing. I knew then I should only sing in private or for laughs.  I quickly learned in group singalongs to stand close to a really loud and proud singer and would lip sync away totally unnoticed. Yes, even for Happy Birthday.

Age has not mellowed my voice but made it worse. Now besides sliding off key, my voice cracks more than an adolescent boy's.

Recently with all the news coverage on Prince, I discovered the song "Purple Rain".  I hadn't heard it before for during his prime, I was a newly formed country fan. I was really intrigued by his bluesy style on that song and downloaded it to my computer. I love it.

The other day, I was listening to "Purple Rain" playing on my computer while reading your blogs and I started singing along. I started off first in my usually soft. shy voice for my own ear comfort as well as any innocent passersby but then I got into it and let er rip.

Out of nowhere, I felt a tap on my shoulder.  When you live alone, a tap like that quickly brings to mind episodes of Criminal Minds or Ghost Busters. Pretty sure I'd have seen a serial killer enter the room so I was leaning towards it being a frisky ghost. Perhaps an appalled and offended Prince?

When I peeked uneasily over my shoulder, there was Minnie the cat reaching for me from the edge of the bed. She kept reaching and tapping so I rolled my chair closer to her still singing. I couldn't believe what happened next.  She went a little nuts. She began purring,  moaning, sensually rolling and head butting me with a nip or two thrown in for good measure.

At first I was concerned for her physical and mental health thinking I had driven her over the edge with my singing. Then it hit me what was happening and I got the giggles. She has been spayed since I found her 12 years ago yet she was acting a lot like a cat in heat.

I have sung other songs before with out that reaction so "Purple Rain" must be her turn on song. My rendition evidently reminded her of the good old days when she was an intact female and I must have sounded for all the world to her like a tom cat looking for love. What a memory that cat has and wow, I really am that bad of a singer.

Some people make a joyful noise when they sing. I evidently only make a noise similar to a horny cat---but I intend to continue.  Now at least my caterwauling gives someone besides me actual pleasure.

Are you one of the lucky ones who can sing unafraid or are you like me and are a closet singer who should remain closeted?

44 comments :

  1. That was hysterically funny...I can so relate. I cannot carry a tune in the proverbial bucket.

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    1. Olga,
      So glad you enjoyed. Maybe someday we could sing a duet and sell it to the defense dept:))

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    2. I can't even find the bucket!!

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    3. Fran,
      Think we are up to a quartet now of painful singers.

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    4. Please - let me join this group!

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  2. Hahaha
    We all have our audience. I sing to myself too. The chickens seem to like my singing and Cody sings along
    with me cause it hurts her ears. LOL

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    1. Belva,
      So glad to see you posting again. You have been missed and the different name fooled me. Pretty sure Cody enjoys the joyful noise also.

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  3. Oh my, that is super funny. You must continue to sing for Minnie. Personally I haven't hit a note in 50 years. Singing is not my thing. Thanks for starting my day with a laugh.

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    1. Linda,
      So glad Minnie and I could amuse. I am surprised there are so many like us. I always assumed everyone could sing but me. Join the club.

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  4. I sing all the time about everything. We make up songs as we go along. I think my voice is pretty lousy, but I still belt it out. Although, I've never made a cat quite as happy as you did!

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    1. robin,
      I do my best to please the pets. Just read that you and roger sing about broccoli:) Now that is cool.

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  5. Very funny post!
    Who could help but sing along with Purple Rain! Nah, I can't sing. Although I was in the chorus in High School. But, most of the time I was doing the lip sync thing.

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    1. lyndagrace,
      Thank you. Yes, another lip sync-er! I learned it while in chorus in grammar school. It works every time doesn't it?

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  6. Very funny, dear Patti.....Minnie sounds like she was in Kitty Cat Heaven.....!

    I used to sing a lot, back in the day and one time my cat Silky was sitting on my lap, all curled up and comfy and I had the TV on.....Suddenly, he turned his head quickly looking towards the TV. My voice was coming out of the TV Speakers----it was a Promo for the CBS Special of SPOON RIVER with me singing---He recognized my voice, immediately. I was utterly amazed!!!! He knew it was me!

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    1. Naomi,
      So good to hear from you. I have missed your posts and figured the Oscars worn you out.
      That was so cool about Silky. He must have really been confused to hear you coming out of the speakers. He knew his mama.

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  7. I used to sing a lot in school and church. My children went to sleep with me singing many styles of song. I was never told to hush until I tired to sing during my grandson't preteens. No one had complained before...could be they were just being nice.

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    1. Gail,
      Ha ha. I think you are good. However even Brad Pitt's preteen kids are embarrassed by him. It comes with the age.

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  8. Oh, I love it! You've found your perfect song -- and audience! Our cats are so wonderful about that. I used to sing very well but in older age....not so much. I can't even get such an enthusiastic reaction from any of my cats. I am just glad that they don't leave the room! Loved this post -- so funny and endearing! It reminded me of my own futile attempts at art (I'm stuck in kindergarten mode), sewing (pathetic) and piano lessons (not one, but two, teachers gave up on me after two or three lessons!).

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    1. Dr. Kathy,
      So glad you enjoyed and how nice to meet another not so talented one. Hey, if the cats don't leave or get orgasmic, you are good.

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  9. I never sing, at least out loud. I have a nasal, high-pitched singing voice that's rather unpleasant, but I won't let that stop me when I feel the urge to belt out a terrible rendition of a song.

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    1. Stephen,
      Sing loud and proud Stephen. After all it is for our own benefit isn't it?

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  10. You are a riot! I am laughing out loud. I also have a terrible voice, and I can't draw or paint either. I'm sure my voice wouldn't charm cats.

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    1. Sally,
      So happy I found your funny bone. I think between you, me and Olga we have a trio forming. Wouldn't that be fun?

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  11. So funny Patti! I can sing OK, but my poor dear husband has never been able to carry a tune. When we were first married, I thought he was fooling around when he would sing out of key with me. At some point I realized that he wasn't just kidding, he really can't carry a tune! Too funny. He has a beautiful voice, but is totally unable to match a note that is played on the piano :-)

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    1. Carole,
      Ah I so understand your husband's dilemma. Even when we know the truth, it is hard not to want to join in on that joyful noise.

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  12. I now it's late in life, but how wonderful, you have found your calling...

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    1. Molly
      Hum, cat pleaser at 76? Why not. Grandma Moses was 80 when she got going:))

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  13. Singing has never been a problem for me.. In fact, I majored in Voice in college ---and was blessed with a really good voice (until I had vocal cord problems as a young adult)..

    Where I have always had problems (like you have had with singing) is with dancing.... I love to watch people who can dance --and have always wanted to dance, but truly, I never could and still can't.....

    Oh Well---Guess we all have our gifts and talents... ha ha

    Hugs,
    Betsy

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    1. Betsy,
      I remember you were a good singer. How wonderful for you. Now I use to be a great dancer back in the day when I drank. Some how sober, not so much.

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  14. Patti that was so funny I read the entire post aloud to Laura and... Nigella Stopit (the cat!). My musical "skills" have usually occasioned cats to menace and intimidate me. One cat would circle me like a blood crazed shark when I tried to play the cello... My music has never aroused a cat as far as I can tell, but... my cast off shirts were greatly enjoyed by a cat that lived with us a few years ago. She would attend the bed chamber every night to be there so that she could roll in my freshly removed shirt!!

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    1. Peter,
      Would have loved to have seen the shark cat. Seems you had the magic shirt:)) Please tell Laura hi for me and give Nigella a scratch under the chin.

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  15. This post was great. I have always thought how wonderful it must be for people who have a good voice. I can't carry a tune... so have lip synced my whole life, but would have loved to have joined in. My experience with my cats is that when I have tried to sing to them, they put their paws over my mouth. I get the message.

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    1. Rian,
      Ha ha, had to laugh at the cats muzzling you. Too funny.
      Glad to meet another lip syncer. It got us by didn't it?

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  16. Sweet Patti, this post made me laugh out loud. Your posts are just the best and your humor is amazing. I have never heard "Purple Rain" I guess I should find it, learn it, sing it and see what Pooh does. lol I love music and love to sing. Years ago I sung solos, in duets, trios and choirs. My voice breaks up now and it has lowered to where I have a very hard time finding a key to sing in. No one hears me sing now but myself, Pooh and Chancy and it will stay that way. Hugs and nose kisses for you, Minnie and Callie from me and mine.

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    1. Maggie,
      So glad you enjoyed. Thought you would enjoy the cat story. If you do sing "Purple Rain" to Pooh and get the same reaction, let me know. Then we will know it is the song, not our aging voices.

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  17. Like you, my husband is just now learning to appreciate Prince's music, especially his guitar playing. I MAY sing in the car with the windows closed, but HE puts his earbuds in his ears and sings as he walks the dog or works outside. I know it's loud because I can hear him in the house!

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    1. Mary Lee,
      I was surprised to learn what an accomplished musician he was also. Those earbuds keep us from hearing ourselves. Dangerous.

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  18. oh god you got guts to make one laugh dear ,really glad to find you ,god bless you with long healthy life

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    1. baili,
      So glad you enjoyed. Thank you for stopping by and commenting.

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  19. I cannot carry a tune to save my life. But I learned as a teacher that most folks don't care. Itsy Bitsy Spider or when in church and singing...I just tone it down real low if I start getting carried away. I hum ALOT. In stores, at home, in the car. No one hums bad. LOL!

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    1. Terri,
      Actually, once you get really old and the voice starts to break, so does the hum. I just attempted a hum and was really disappointed.Sigh.
      I had to sing a Happy Birthday today so I tried your trick of singing really low and it kind of worked. At least no one noticed or was too polite to say anything:))

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  20. You make me laugh so much that sometimes it hurts.

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  21. Gosh, your new hubbie could have been a bit more tactfut but I guess he made his point. I, too, only sing when alone but it sounds great to me !!

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  22. Oh my gosh! You are too funny, Patti! I'm OK singing though nothing great by any stretch of the imagination. However Art showed me his old school report card when we were on the Big Island. I think it was his first grade report card written when teachers didn't have to be careful about what they wrote (or something). It said something like... "Art is unable to carry a tune and is tone deaf." I was really surprised because it affected him. He would never sing in front of me and doesn't really like to listen to music. I've pushed him into singing throughout our years together and had music around me. To be honest, his singing isn't great. But he's not toned deaf and he can carry a tune... sort of.

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