POOP POST

It may be hard to believe from that title but this is a public service post. I have discovered something that I wish to share in case there are others out there like me. If this is too much information, come back next week. I won't be hurt.

First off, I am normally a world class pooper. Totally text book regarding, frequency, ease, consistency, size and color.  If there were awards, I would own the gold.  I know---that erases any mystique I may have owned before today.

I was not always this way as I use to be an avid carnivore which is not conducive to great poops.  I once thought having a bowel movement once a week was normal.  Then I discovered vegetables. The more plant based my meals became, the more classic were my poops.  For the past 20 years, I have been golden.

However, even I on occasion will get temporarily bound.  This can happen if I go off the fiber briefly or indulge in a cheese binge.  Usually though it happens when I put off the warning signals and postpone the morning toilet cause I'm busy.  According to Dr. Oz, when we ignore the urges and postpone the act, our poops turn rock like and block the exit quite effectively.

This was the case when I was trying to expel a few rocks a couple of months ago. As I held my breath and strained I thought, Isn't this how Elvis and King George died? I mean two kings suffered "death by toilet" along with countless lesser sorts through out the years. Why should I be special and not have it happen? I all ready know I have vascular problems.

It is a medical fact that straining can cause a brain aneurysm or an aortic dissection. I don't think any of us want to do a face plant on the tile with our butts in the air as our final salute to the world.

Holding my breath and straining I could feel the pressure in my head. So I thought, what if I exhaled while straining?  Don't weightlifters do that?
I was afraid I would reduce the effectiveness of straining by exhaling but I gave it a whirl and the opposite happened.

I took a deep breath, pursed my lips and forcefully blew air out in a slow, steady stream while straining.  Wow, what a difference. No brain pressure and the desired results were amazing. With ease and comfort my sphincter relaxed with the modified straining method.  The poop rocks left for splash down with very little effort. Quick, easy and efficient. Who knew?

I don't have the need for this method often as I usually am diligent with my veggies. However, when I do, it is nice to know I have an effective weapon handy and it has worked splendidly each time.

Ok, you may have all ready discovered this and have been doing it since childhood. If you have, I am envious. It took me 77.5 years to stumble across it.

However, if you are not currently exhaling while straining, give it a try. I think you will be pleasantly surprised and your next of kin will be appreciative.

This is the end of my public service announcement. Purse your lips and blow in good health folks. I promise to clean up my act next week.