DO YOU LISTEN ??

"How are you", is a standard greeting which is usually met with the polite response,"Fine, thank you-- You?" These greetings should be saved for the grocery clerk or bag boy for these phrases are generally empty of all meaning.

The phrases are just social niceties and seldom display real concern or actual state of well being. It is meant as a simple greeting and the response just acknowledges that the other person is aware you exist. Oddly, it is often a total stranger who will give you a detailed account as to how they really are.

However when someone puts emphasis on the word "are", pay attention for they probably really want to know. That is when it is safe to be a bit more informative in your response. This form of the greeting usually come from close friends.

Often we say "fine" to our friends so they won't worry. I have been known to give that same "Fine" response to a doctor, all the while racked with fever and nursing bone aching chills. Come on now, who am I kidding. I am not "fine" or I wouldn't be there but it is hard to stop that reflexive answer. Do we really listen to the response?

That started me thinking about the art of listening. Yes it is an art and a skill, which too few people including me have bothered to hone. There are different kinds of listeners. 

Some people are what I call "pouncers." They are like predators, always watching for that opening in a conversation, usually when you must take a breath, so that they can leap in with their similar yet better story, their way to have handled the situation or sometimes to steer the conversation in another only vaguely related direction. Their intense interest in my breath patterns scares me a little.

Unfortunately, the "impatient listener" is me in a nut shell. If something is brought up in conversation that I want to know more about, I will ask my question, right then, often while the person is in mid sentence. My excuse is that with my memory, I have to ask while the question is hot or it is gone.

 However I often totally derail the speaker and they struggle to get back to the original point after taking care of me. Bad Patti. I really am trying. Knowing your fault is half the solution, Wonder if there is a 12 step program for "conversation disruptors".

Fortunately, most people fall somewhere in between but then there are the Picasso's of listening. They are in a class by themselves. We certainly don't need every one to be like this for it would then the world would be eerily quiet and the joys of exchange would be lost. However, an occasional one is a real treat. I had such a friend and I hope you have one, or better yet, that you are one.

Jeanne' (pronounced Ja Nay)was my friend who was the consummate listener. I have seen her just mesmerize men who always complemented her on how easy she was to talk to. In actuality, the men had done almost all of the talking without realizing it. She just gently prodded them and somehow made them more interesting than they first appeared.

She did this not only with men but with everyone, strangers, women and children. Kids adored her for they were finally "really" listened to. The amazing thing is that it was not a ploy with her. She sincerely thought most people fascinating and it translated. There is a fine line here between being skillful and just plain nosy. She never crossed that line.

The writer in me makes me a decent listener as I am always looking for that story. However, I still have that "interrupter" thing going on. Almost 70 but still a work in progress. Guess we are never done.

Recognize your self here or perhaps you have a very different slant you want to share? I am listening-- and thanks to blogging, it is impossible for me to interrupt.