GOING VIRAL

Recently there has been a tragedy in the news about the young man whose homosexual act was captured by a “friend” on video and broadcast on the Internet. He was 18 and the horror of that incredibly private moment going around the world made him take his young life by jumping off the George Washington Bridge. His suicide was a permanent solution to a temporary problem. He is gone and his family is devastated.

My cousin recently committed suicide. We don't know why she did this but she chose the wrong answer and time would have proven that. Suicide is something that does not allow a "do over."

This young man's act has started a campaign by the gay community to post series of videos basically saying “Its all right. You are all right. You have your future ahead of you. This will mean nothing in years to come.” Etc.

Perhaps we should follow example and do this also for non-gay teens who are also victims of cyber exposure. Teen years are tenuous enough with the intense desire to be accepted and seeking peer approval. In my day, the biggest fear was the local gossip. The gossip who whispered half or often no truths from ear to ear was the only threat.

Now they could spread juicy stories in a relative hurry, but the Internet has dwarfed the local full-time gossip's capabilities. Now your momentary fall from grace can receive hundreds of thousands of hits from around the globe.

I told the story about the time of stuffing my bra in high school with toilet paper and was“outed” at a pep rally bonfire. I can remember thinking at that moment my life was ruined but actually in a few days, that story was forgotten when our weak team actually won the game and I became yesterday's news. That was all it took to steady my crashing world---a little time.

That is what today's youth needs to realize but unfortunately, when videos go viral, millions know and things don't die down quickly so it is hard to subscribe to the, “this too shall pass” theory. What if someone had videoed my episode and it had gone viral? Sure it was funny in retrospect but not to me at that time.

As I became an adult, I adopted the one month,1 year and 5 year rule. “How will this affect my life in a month?” If it is really bad, one or five year rule can be invoked. With that rule, all problems do fade to their proper perspective. Even "viral" has a shelf life. Most things will not be remembered in a month, year or worst case, five years. In my case, the stuffed bra was old news after the week end. Teens however (and I so remember) live by the next hour rule.

Wouldn't it be nice for parents and grandparents to sit down their 13 year old and tell them the most embarrassing thing that occurred to them--- hopefully it wasn't illegal but that could be a learning tool also. To let them know that all of us have moments we are not proud of but they are just “moments.” Life does go on and those long ago acts in no way define us and only become humorous stories in the future.

It was like when I was first diagnosed with Cancer and met my first healthy looking Cancer survivor. My light bulb moment was--”Ok, this really can be done and I can do this. They did it.” Example is always the best teacher.

To hear a story from your lips that seems to have teen-crushing abilities, and for that story to come from a successful adult, could go a long way.

Our technology has far out paced our slowly changing social mores. We don't yet have rules for acceptable behavior on the Internet and we are just slowly developing laws that will punish offenders. Sexting and cyber bullying have ruined many a family when a child takes their own life rather than face the censure of their peers.

Should we just sit back and shake our heads while tisk, tisking? Gosh, I hope not. We have too much to offer. It's time to share.