CURSE OF THE CAT HAIR

Each year I marvel why my cats don't go bald. If I lost that much hair daily, I could wash my head with a wash cloth. 

Do cats stress and spend hours perfecting a comb over??  Never.  No matter how much  they lose, it all comes back without even temporary thin spots.  It is an endless cycle.

My tools of war  are vacuum cleaner bags, Swiffer cloths and sticky pet hair removal rollers. I sail through these items.  

Loose cat hair is an on going, daily battle that has no season and there is little hope of winning.   The stray hairs that find my clothes have static cling---those that hit the floor have life and intelligence.

One of the marvels to me is how the single hairs can drop off the cat as they walk, then magically and secretly  gather together to form sizable tumble weeds that amble across my carpet less floors, usually when I have company. 

It is a conspiracy. A flash mob of hair.  Just once I'd like to see the actual process of the forming  of the hair tumbleweed. How can it possibly happen without some form of hair intelligence and engineering?

If I had a better science background, I would work on isolating the gene in cats that makes their hair constantly grow back and remain  fluffy.  If I could modify that gene and implant it into the scalps of millions of desperate men , I could enjoy extravagance during my twilight years.  Baseball caps would become extinct.

 Anyone who wants to run with this idea, feel free. Just make sure you remove the shedding gene before implant.

As for the hair decorated clothing I sometimes wear, perhaps I need cats whose hair would match the cyclical clothing colors and not stand out so starkly. On those days that I find I am out of sticky rollers and want to go out in public, I would not look so obviously trailer trashish.
 

Very light colored cats  for the summer months, dark for Winter and neutral for the Spring  and maybe a calico for Fall might make the hair decorations less obvious.  Seasonal cats????

Now you see why the shedding gene would have to be removed from the human implants.  Otherwise, the wives of these genetically altered men might be looking for seasonal hubbies.  Not a good thing.

I know you have seen the flaw in my system. What do we do with the wrong colored cat in the wrong season?   Put the offending one on Craig's list to swap?? Dye them??


Of course there would be the  shipping costs  and wear and tear on the cats by swapping or dyeing.  I believe there is an even easier solution. The Sphynx, hairless cat. 

Not my picture but from Google pictures.

Now one look at this beauty and you know immediately why God intended cats to have hair.  Cats sadly have strikingly homely bodies with an excess of wrinkles.  Hair does a marvelous job of hiding that fact.  I can kind of relate which is why I wear clothes.      

However, I  am stuck with seasonally inappropriate Mickey and Minnie and don't have the Sphynx option.   So it is back to the renewed hair wars, armed with vacuum cleaner bags, Swiffer mops and roll on hair removal tools.

Do you have a better solution---other than no cats? That will only be an option when these two cross the Rainbow Bridge. Also do you know of a good function for used cat hair?