SUCH A WAIST

Before you get your red pencils out to correct my spelling, that is the spelling I was going for.

"THE WAIST IS THE PART OF THE ABDOMEN BETWEEN THE RIB CAGE AND HIPS. ON PROPORTIONATE PEOPLE, THE WAIST IS THE NARROWEST PART OF THE TORSO."

It is that "proportionate people" part that gets me. That once fits my physical description, but not now. I no longer have a narrowest part of my torso. An rectangle figure best describes me. Do you see yourself here??

apple, pear, hourglass, rectangle

I think the lack of a waist all started with the elastic waistband. Such an insidiously clever and comfortable invention it is true but I suspect it to be the root cause of a nation of people struggling with their waistline.

Thanks to the elastic waist band, there is no pain as our middle loses definition. We have no discomfort to warn us that it is time to shove our chairs away from the table. It just gently expands. It is truly an enabler.

I like to twist the exercise devotee’s mantra,” no pain, no gain.”  My version, "Feel pain, no gain."  If we all felt the pain around our middles via a no-give band before that dessert, then we pretty much could avoid the gain. 

A static waist band should be mandatory in the clothing industry. That would force us to face the truth on a daily basis though I have seen some fellows who just lower their rigid waistbands a bit to where there is less girth. Hopefully I can avoid that pitfall.

Besides adding sadness to my morning weigh in, my lack of waist has an embarrassing side effect.  I have discovered the waist has a function that I now greatly miss. Oh what a handy gadget my waist was.

The indention between the ribs and hips was the perfect hook to secure my jeans. There is no way they could slide off. However with the lack of a waist and that darn elastic waist band, I am constantly tugging to pull my pants up.

I don't notice it much during the Winter but Spring with the bending at the hips to pull weeds has me constantly tugging at my drawers to keep from flashing passersby. I am feeling quite plumber-esque and was thinking suspenders for a while.

Ok, what to do at this late date? At the stage I am now, I can't buy anything with a rigid waist band that will fit my current size. To get a size to fit my waist, I would need jeans so large a family of plump raccoons could live in the bottom half.

I am thinking of a belt to wear over my elastic waistbands for that necessary discomfort. This would be two fold. It would restrict my urge to splurge on food but would also help to hold up my pants and keep me from mooning my neighbors.

Then as the discomfort forces me to be more aware of portion size and my waist begins to reappear, I can just tighten the belt a notch. I may have a winner here. I'll let you know if it works.

Oh pish posh, I have rethought this and I'm sticking with comfort. Wonder if they make girlie suspenders? Till then, look the other way neighbors.

Do you still wear a static waistband or have you been seduced by the elastic cheater? There may still be time for you.