DAMN BIRDS AND MOLES

This post is about a physical fall, not the philosophical fall, though both benefit from a positive attitude. 

Ok, many of you are bird lovers like I am but this has got to stop. I probably should have titled this "Damn Patti" but it always feels better to lay the blame somewhere else. Moles hide and song birds are basically defenseless so the blame stays  right there. Damn birds and moles. 

Last year at this exact same time, I was going out to fill the bird feeders that hang from a tree when I slipped on a patch of ice and fell backwards hard on my right forearm scattering bird seed everywhere. January might not be my month. 

That time I tore the rotator cuff in my right shoulder and as a result, spent over 6 months in off and on, attention getting shoulder pain. Combing my hair was brutal and putting on or removing clothes took planning with some serious cunning. Personal hygiene became awkward but doable left handed. I know, TMI (too much information).

Doctor visits, shots, pills and physical therapy got me to my state today where it only hurts on occasion when I over reach. I was feeling a bit smug with my progress.

Then early last week while again going out to feed those damn birds, I turned my ankle on a soft mole tunnel and in the effort to save myself, I threw my right leg out to prevent a fall. I twisted my knee sharply causing a funny, muted sound. Oops---new pain.

The act of sitting down or standing up is now quite uncomfortable. However walking is painless. According to Dr. Google, symptoms point to a meniscus tear but he and I think it is a minor one. I am giving it a couple of weeks to get better before I seek any professional help.

I kept it elevated and iced for several days and was healing rather nicely, I thought.

Then a few days later I was again making the trip to fill the feeders.  This time we had enjoyed a couple of below freezing days and the ground was now frozen hard.

A sneaky little rock hard molehill hiding in the frost and no bigger than a small coffee cup, grabbed my foot and threw me face forward to the ground. All my good intentions to tuck and roll if I ever fell again were implemented---just a smidgen too late.  

I landed with my left elbow poking into my ribs on the frozen turf. While I was immensely grateful that it was not my previously bunged up right side, my second thought was,"You have got to be kidding!! I am running out of parts here."

Once I discover all my parts still worked if sore, my third thought was hoping no one saw that graceless dive and the awkward butt in the air attempt to get up. We old folks have our pride.

It took a while to get up since I still have the bum knee. Between my mostly healed right shoulder and my undamaged left knee, I gracelessly made it upright. A classic game of senior Twister.   

Looking down at that tiny mole hill as I went back to the house, I couldn't help but smile a bit. I could see the humor on how little it took to bring me down. 

Lets face it, pratfalls can be funny, more so if you are watching someone else take the dive instead of being the star.  Falls and crotch shots have kept Funniest Home Videos on the air for 17 years. Why aren't I ever being filmed when I go flying into the turf?  Might at least get a tee shirt for my effort. 

Since my ribs seem to be getting worse, I made another appointment with Dr. Google and according to him, I have cracked a rib or ribs, not bruised them. Treatment is rest, ice and pain killers so that breathing will not be shallow and pneumonia can be avoided. He also gave me the good news that it will get worse before it gets better but in 4 weeks, I should be good to go. Kind of glad it is winter and my chore list is small.  

I will go to the real Dr tomorrow if the pain keeps progressing. Then at least I can get some serious pain meds and can get some rest. So far, coughing, sneezing, laughing or breathing are painful but doable. I am close to the threshold where I may want stronger help. We will see.  

Since laughing out loud is painful right now. I'd appreciate you all not writing anything really funny for at least a week or if you do, please post a warning so I can skip that post. My ribs thank you. Ah Mary Lee, you obviously didn't get the memo.  

So again, I wait to heal both my wounds.  Several years ago I wrote about entering the toddler age. I am no longer creeping into it, I am there.

I am still wondering why no one has come up with a senior air bag vest though in my case a bubble wrap jump suit might be more useful. Come on folks--get busy. This is a possible gold mine. All I want is 10 % for passing on the idea and for testing the prototype. My history makes me the perfect crash test dummy. 

Do you find you and the ground are getting more intimate with age? I know I am.