Friday, June 5, 2009

MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT



This may not be number one embarrassing moment, but is darn close mainly because of when it happened. It happened in my senior year of high school. That is the year scorched by drama and trauma for teens. Teenagers really live on the edge don't they? A missed call from "him" can cause a blue funk that only world hunger causes now. Getting a B instead of an A is cause to re-evaluate your "whole life." Seeing "him" talking to "her" makes the green dragon breathe heavy. Your team loses, "Oh NO I can't stand it." You want a car, Dad says "earn it" and the lower lip hits the floor. And, "No, you can't date a guy who is on probation." Every thing is either over the moon or under the rug. Teenage is a manic period.

I went steady all through high school, just not with the same guy. Usually I went straight from one to another but on rare occasions, I was shopping. Randy was on my shopping list. We had PE the same period and sometimes the classes would go co-ed for the dance segments. Randy was only a junior but he was BMOC (big man on campus)in that grade. Good enough for me. I was a cougar in training.

Randy was the quarterback on the foot ball team and when he asked if I would go to the pep rally bonfire with him, I was really pleased. We hadn't had a date yet but were just in the talking and walking in the hall together stage. This was the next step. We planned to meet there. He would have come to pick me up but he was one of the guys building the huge pyramid of wood for the fire.

I previously mentioned that when I hit puberty, the only thing to develop was my personality. I had to get by on personality, being kinda cute and relying on the "new girl" mystique. As a senior in high school, I was barely filling out my double A bra. Men may grow into "leg" men, but they definitely aren't in high school. They are one track and I wasn't on that track.

It was my best friend who led me astray that night. She had mentioned that she enhanced her look by stuffing Kleenex in her bra. So I decided to deceive also wanting to really impress Randy. I carefully folded a wad of toilet paper in each cup and was thrilled with the look. I was no Dolly Parton, but I was age appropriate, almost a B.


There was a little extra strut in my step as I went to the bonfire to meet Randy. He was so cute and my heart went pitty pat as he came over to see me with a big grin. I was wearing my best scoop necked sweater and with my new form, I was pretty confident.

Randy gently picked a piece of lint off my sweater as he excitedly told me about the fire preparations. Then he got a funny look and reached for my chest. Just a tiny bit of toilet paper must have shown at the edge of my sweater and he pulled on it. Well it pulled out of my sweater like it was on a roll. I had folded it just right. His eyes widened and he kept pulling. My one side dwindled till it was once again a puny double A but I was sporting my almost B on the other side.

If only Florida had earthquakes and the earth could have opened to swallow me I might have survived. The horror of seeing the toilet paper unrolling inch by inch from my sweater was bad enough but then Randy started laughing. He held up the long strip of paper and said loudly,"Hay, look what I found."

Good thing you can't die when you want to or this computer would still be in the store. I tried to lie and say that I had wrapped my money in that paper and was carrying it in my bra. I told you, I am no good at lying. Pretty soon there was a crowd of laughing football players around me. The same friend who had advised me about the tissue stuffing, grabbed me and took me home.


I knew my high school career was over. I wanted to quit right then. I knew I was the laughing stock and no teen can survive that. Fortunately I had the weekend to wallow in my misery,but it was also gave the school body time to dwell on something else, like we had actually won Homecoming. This was monumental for we had a weak team that year. Luckily for me, Homecoming trumped Patti.

Monday was actually uneventful. I spent the whole day before lunch with my eyes studying the floor as I went from class to class. I expected laughing and pointing but the hall buzz sounded normal. Class was normal. So I started peeking around as I walked to class. Randy broke out in laughter when he saw me but no one else did. In Randy's defense, it was not mean laughter, he just thought it was darn funny.

Truthfully, I never thought I would ever tell that story but fifty years later, I agree, it was funny and taught me well the folly of deception.

MIGHTY DOG UPDATE
He did well in surgery and I get to pick him up today. We have a 3 month rehab session ahead which is not pleasant for either of us. I will have to hurt him to make him better but we did it on the left leg so we will make it through with the right leg. Thanks to all of you for your sweet concern. You helped me though a rough spot and I thank you.

13 comments :

  1. And I thought toilet tissue was for decorationg lawns, trees, cars, Halloween tricks!!! :~)

    In my day we used rags or socks.

    And so very happy Mighty is on the road to recovery. I know you both will make rehab work.

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  2. Glad the dog is going to get well. It will be nice when he or she is back to normal.

    You might like to read the story about us almost moving to Alaska...

    Homesteading in Alaska

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  3. Cute story, Patti... I never had your Cup A problem ... In fact, I had a little too much--and still do. ha ha

    Glad Mighty is home.. Good luck with the rehab.
    Hugs,
    Betsy

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  4. You didn't have rubber falsies like we did?

    I remember a similar story - with my "blow-up" bra, in 10th grade. It had a plastic balloon in each cup and a small straw to blow it up with, to just the size you wanted. I set off to school, holding my heavy books up to my chest. By the time I got to school, the left side was flat again. I had pressed out all the air. My straw was back at home, so I had to let the air out of the right side too. Boy did I get laughed at!!

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  5. Never did stuff my bra, but I always wanted to. Teenage years are brutal. Amazing we survived them as well as we did.

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  6. nitwit,
    Now rags and socks make more sense. Paper makes a noise when you brush up against it.
    Mighty is home but is hurtin for certain. Will do a post on him tomorrow. Thank you Nit and Luckie.

    Abe,
    Didn't have time today but will check out your Alaska post. I almost went there myself. Mighty is a boy and doing Ok for now. It is a long haul but we have done it before. Thank you.

    Betsy,

    Aarrgh. You were the one we underdeveloped nations hated. Hope you at least had zits. Chuckle.
    My baby is back and on the road to recovery. Thank you so much.

    kenju,
    You take the prize. How funny. I remember hearing about them. Probably just a rumor but we heard that they inflated to explosion level on some stewardesses. Something to do with cabin pressure.

    robin,
    Good for you not giving in to peer pressure. Teenage did teach me to accept and to adopt the code of "What you see is what you get"

    Mighty beat me to death with his tail when I picked him up. Pain meds and time will get him thru.
    Thank you so much for your caring.

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  7. Wonderful, human, funny story. Thank you. Hope your Mighty heals quickly.

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  8. Catmoves,
    Welcome to TNS. Funny how things gain humor with the passage of time.As Garrison Keillor says, "Humor is catastrophe in retrospect."
    Thank you for the good wishes for Mighty.

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  9. There is some combination of peer pressure and inflatable bras in nearby comments that makes me grin at the curious aptness! Glad you survived the ordeal of being a paper dispenser, but..., it must have been so utterly devastating at the time. Teenage years, how I don't miss them! I liked being somewhere between the ages of 7 and 9 years old best when I think about it. Good that Mighty is progressing, that is really wonderful news.

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  10. Peter
    You always make me laugh. Wish I had thought of "paper dispenser".
    I preferred 10 to 12. Perfect time.

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  11. Patti- You really do tell a fantastic story. Isn't it terrible that we have to go to such lengths to, er, fit in? I never really cared for high school because of all the petty BS that went on. Then again, I believe it still goes on in adulthood.

    My 20th HS reunion was held this past November. I did not attend, but saw many pictures from the event. It was good to see some of the folks that peaked early and were not very nice to other people had lost their looks It is amazing what gravity can do.

    I, of course, look the same...

    ;)

    Thanks for sharing.

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  12. So true Barry. I too get a guilty pleasure to see that the mighty have fallen.
    One guy I went with that was every girls dream and eventually dumped me, was driving a potato chip truck, fat and bald at last view. Time is the official avenger.

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