Wednesday, July 29, 2009

THE ADVANTAGES OF BEING FAT


While mowing the lawn yesterday I was berating myself for having so quickly gotten off my diet. I started my diet then had back to back group eat outs. So the few pounds I had lost were right back.



I was ready to tackle the hard part of my property, the swale between my fence line and the highway. This doesn't take long but it is a constant battle to keep the riding mower from tipping over. Like a sailboat crew, I lean hard to the opposite side in order to keep the mower from throwing us both in the ditch. Then it dawned on me, I am not sure I could handle this job 30 pounds lighter. My excess weight actually had a function.



So since I was trapped on the mower for at least another hour, I thought of all the advantages my extra 30 pounds gave me. Out side of being counter balance on a lawn mower, I don't get as cold as my skinny friends and I float better. If I get sick and can't eat, I have fat in the bank. If there is a food shortage, I will last longer than some but not as long as others. I really don't want enough in storage to make me the last person on earth. This can be over done.



My extra weight helps to smooth out my wrinkles in my face. My wrinkles look bad enough, but remove the layers of fat that cushion the skin and I look like an ancient fisherman. The skin no longer shrinks back. My extra weight gives me a benign, jolly look. I am no threat nor am I a reason for envy. The chunky middle plus the gray hair removes me from a rapist's shopping list. This list was getting quite long and I was getting very comfortable with my extra poundage.



I was having a good time with my "why it is good to be fat" theories that the mowing went quite quickly. Soon it was time to put the mower away , get a cold drink and admire my handiwork from the porch swing. My storage shed sits below my house and when I was walking up the hill to the porch, the usual increased need for oxygen tumbled the house of cards I had just built around my 30 pounds.


Oh yeah, that was why the diet. in the first place, breathing. So I canceled the order for the 140 calorie can of Squirt (yes, I have found a new supply) and opted for a tall water with a slice of lemon. The view was just as good with water as it would have been with Squirt.


OK,I' m back on the salad trail and happy to be so. Pretty sure I can solve that swale problem some other way.

13 comments :

  1. HA HA HA I've used that rationale for much longer than I care to remember.

    Right now I'm stuck between 25-27 lbs. lost; maybe a plateau maybe not.

    Excuse #1. (this one will not hold water much longer) I am on antibiotics. The way these boogers work, usually causes TEMPORARY weight gain. I take a lot of them because of the COPD. I can be thankful prednisone is not in the mix of meds this round.

    Excuse #2. Company and too many trips sabotaged my good intentions.

    Excuse #3. I have already earned my reward for 25lbs.-- just not ordered it yet; new versions of Windows not yet released.

    Excuse #4. the next reward for 25lb is going to be a WHOLE LOT TOUGHER.

    I agree with all of your reasons, no wrinkles, etc etc, but three negatives for me are (1)shortness of breath, (2)can't find clothes to fit (actually still a problem when skinny as I am too short), (3)the inability of my super skinny husband to help me when I fall, and he is very strong for his age.

    Good luck. It is a solitary journey for me as I really like support groups--it is just too far to drive at night weekly for me.

    BTW does Squirt come in diet?

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  2. I'm going to have to spend some time thinking about that. I'm sure I can come up with some positive things.

    An Arkies Musings

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  3. hahahaha ...hahahaha.... can't get over with your funny story Ma'am Patti.

    I have been soaked reading most of the American blogs and they all happen to be full of merciless humour. My tummy now is filled up with gas not obnoxious though laughing and laughing.

    < a href="Laughter is the best medicine. No doubt about that!

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  4. I loved your post! Sometimes it is good to look on the so called "Bright Side" of things.

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  5. I love your list, patti. There really are advantages to a few extra pounds, but the key word is "few." I actually think that eating well is the best diet.

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  6. Hi Patti! Another funny story! You really have a talent to amuse us! Thanks for the treat!

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  7. Buy diet Squirt!!

    I like your attitude about the extra pounds. I'll be telling myself those things for quite a while.

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  8. My skinny husband had to by weights for the front end of a tracgtor mower to keep all 4 times on the ground. Each weight weighed 30 lbs. That just about doubled his weight (130+120) and then the wet. of the tractor.

    I guess you can avoid cost of weights by keeping your weight, another reason you can add to your list.

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  9. Cute story, Patti. I need to write down all of those good reasons --so that I can show to my doctor when she tells me to lose 50 pounds...

    Guess I don't need excuses though --since I've struggled with my weight for 45 years... I'e probably gained and lost enough weight in my lifetime to make a large whale!!!!! The sad thing is that I cannot maintain... I'm either going up or going down. GADS!!!

    I do agree that heavy people sho lose alot of weight sometimes look OLDER --due to all of the wrinkles and flab... SO--maybe that's a good reason to stay pleasantly PLUMP... ha

    I had a cross stitch hanging once that showed a cute little sheep. The writing below said: "Ewes not fat; ewes fluffy!"

    Hugs,
    Betsy

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  10. Funny funny :-)
    Again I was grinning from ear to ear.

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  11. nitwit
    I can really relate to #2. I feel so badly for you being married to a skinny man. That just isn't fair. Why is it always the guys who can eat all they want? Dang.

    Ritchies,
    I'm waiting. I am still waiting.

    Bonnie,
    Thank you so much. Gee, I hope we Yanks didn't cause you any pain. Keep laughing, it will keep you young.

    Oklhdan,
    That is what makes my feet hit the floor each morning.Thank you.

    robin,
    Thanks,I keep trying, I am just so easily lead astray. Maybe this time---

    Reader wil,
    Thank you, So glad I managed.

    kenju
    I have had such a hard time finding regular Squirt, I know diet Squirt is out there, just can't find it. Water is good though.

    Nitwit,
    That is a great idea you husband has with the weights. If I ever shed the 30, I'll do it. Of course if I did it now, I wouldn't have to lean so far to keep the mower and me out of the ditch.

    Betsy,
    Love your cross stitch hanging. Fluffy sounds so much nicer than Fat.
    I guess I shouldn't worry about the wrinkles and should concentrate on breathing.

    Amanda,
    Thank you so much. I am glad my fat excuses are at least amusing. I do my best.

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  12. Great short term denial...and funny.

    When my daughter was little and she would hug me, she would say my belly was nice and soft and she loved hugging it - you forgot that one. We won't talk about what my wife says.

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  13. Oh, I like that soft belly excuse. Very true.

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