Tuesday, May 11, 2010

CAN A MAN BE TOO NICE?

I have introduced you to some of the men in my life and for the sake of interest and humor, I chose to tell you about some of the losers. My pimp want-a-be, the newly released convict, the cop who stole my car, and my harmless stalker. If you throw in my emotionally abusive husband, you get the impression that I only attract the really strange. Not entirely true. Often it was me letting a really good one get away. Or in the case of Jeff, a guy that was just too nice for Patti.


I am calling him Jeff because he looked a LOT like Jeff Chandler, a movie star in the 40' and 50's. Jeff was a customer in the bank and had all the girls a twitter. He was tall, had a great tan which set off his gorgeous prematurely grey hair. He even had similar features to the real Jeff pictured below. They could have easily been brothers.

Jeff had been in the service and while stationed in Hawaii, he fell in love with and married a native girl. They had two beautiful daughters but his wife had a terrible time adapting to the United States, missed her home and family terribly and was often cruelly treated by bigots.

When the girls were 6 and 8, they came home from school one day to find their mother's body on the kitchen floor. She had put a gun in her mouth and ended it all. I can't even begin to imagine the horror those poor girls went through. Jeff was almost destroyed.

I met Jeff about 2 years later and we started dating. I had never then nor have I ever since dated a more considerate man. He gloried in giving. Each day was a new present, perhaps flowers, perhaps a surprise picnic, perhaps a whole new set of tires for my car.

I have always been easy to give to. No matter what is given, I am tickled to death to receive any gift. Jeff said it was one reason he loved to do things for me. I was always delighted and never said,"Aw, you shouldn't have done that." He said whenever someone said that, he couldn't help but think,"well maybe I shouldn't have." That easy part of me however would eventually lead to our undoing.

I met and fell in love with his children. Kapi and Dani. They were beyond precious and made no bones about the fact they wanted me in their family. I met and really liked his mother and the feeling was mutual. She was a dandy. Norman Rockwell would have loved her. We often did things together as a family. We ate together, played together, but we also had time for the two of us. He was a true romantic.

So what could possibly wrong here? I can feel some of you getting the urge to slap me up side the head. Trust me, that urge will get stronger.

Whatever I wanted to do, we did. Whatever I might mention that I wanted, I got. He was a fountain of compliments and gifts. And, I found myself taking advantage of him. As much as I knew I should, I didn't love him. The more he let me take advantage, the less I liked us both.

He would let me walk all over him, never complaining, which made me do it all the more. I guess I wanted more of a partner than an obedient servant. Often male marriage vows make the claim,"She makes me a better person." I can only claim that sweet Jeff "made me a horrid person."

Don't despair too much at my stupidity for this story has a really happy ending. I finally broke up with Jeff but he kept coming into the bank and would wait in line at my window. We remained good friends though I knew he would have been thrilled with a rekindled relationship.

Then Susan joined our bank. She was a bit younger than I and was a dark haired version of me. Everyone said we looked like twins and we easily became friends. Susan was divorced with 2 boys. She had been married to a really nasty man who drank, gambled, physically beat her and abused her emotionally. She was divorced and terribly wounded. Men and marriage terrified her.

Sue worked in bookkeeping which was directly behind the teller line. One day she came out and saw me talking to Jeff. She was definitely interested and later asked me all about him. Ye old light bulb went off and I saw a wonderful solution for two problems. Sue had not known a good man and Jeff was as good as they came. So I arranged a meeting, introduced them, then sat back and watched with glee.

Jeff was originally attracted to her by the similarity in our appearances but after dating her a while, they fell deeply in love. His kids liked her kids, his mom approved and soon there was to be a wedding planned. I was very pleased when Sue asked me to be her matron of honor. I was pretty puffed up with the fruits of my meddling. Not sure anyone was more happy on their wedding day than I was.

The too-good-man at last found a woman who could really appreciate him and the wounded lady was finally healed. Last heard, they are still happily married today and are grandparents. Told you this had a happy ending.

24 comments :

  1. sure Patti, why take the good one wait for that one you ended up with...I have been with one of those for 38 years now...as my best friend says I've been getting divorced for 25 years...

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  2. You were just the conduit there, Patti. You allowed Jeff to find someone else - which was supposed to happen. Good for you!

    I dated a few of those nice guys, and I didn't love them either. So I married one that was between too nice and not nice. He's just right.

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  3. Awwww.. Now that is a happy ending story .It was like a fairy tale at last.. The perfect prince meets the perfect princess..:). While i was reading i wa sthinking that this might have a sad ending... i didn;t believe when u said in between that this one has a happy ending.

    and as it is said ( By me) Try out the with wrong ones untill you find the right one.. he he he

    Very well written

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  4. Well, that was a happy ending for Mr. Nice Guy and another fun look into your past, Patti!

    ♥...Wanda

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  5. Your stories are so much fun!
    xoxox

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  6. You have a generous spirit Patti....a lot of people would not be so gracious. Some women are so mean spirited that even though they don't want the man they don't want anyone else to have him either! My dad called it the "dog and bone" theory. The dog gets tired of chewing on the bone but hides it so no other dog can have it. :)

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  7. Beautiful story and a wonderful ending. So nice they are still married. I wonder if the two of them had any children together?

    Raining here something fierce.

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  8. Fun story!

    I'd forgotten about Jeff Chandler. YOWSAH! What was the movie with the beach scene? How could I forget that?!

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  9. Your name is Cupid!!! :-) Heart-warming story. These are the stories I find romantic. Real life ones and with so much promise. You are the true hero of the story though.

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  10. That is a good and happy ending. I was never particularly attracted to the "nice guy" but dated a few just to be sure. I don't think any were as nice as your Jeff. I'm glad he found a good true love.

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  11. 4th Sister,
    Aw gee, I'm sorry. I would say how awful for you till I read your blog written with such love about your grands. He did have a part in that.

    kenju,
    I really can pick them for other people. You are right, with out a bit of spice, sweet gets old in a hurry. Glad you found the right combo.

    sonal,
    Now you will just have to believe me from now on.I do warn if it is not a happy ending.
    You are right, you have to kiss a few frogs to find your prince.

    Wanda,
    I do love it when Nice Guys finish first. It gives a good example to the youngsters.

    turquoismoon,
    Thank you so much. I do try.

    oklhdan,
    First I am glad to see your comment so I know you escaped the tornadoes.
    I have never been a "dog and bone" type and could probably share a man with little problems. Someone stole my jealously bone.

    Patty,
    They did have one of their own. A really blended family.
    Think you are getting our rain. We are looking at a week of this stuff. Stay safe.

    marylee,
    Do you mean "the" beach scene? Did you ever try to recreate that? It looked better on screen than it was with all the sand, grit and shells. I think that was "From Here to Eternity" with Burt Lancaster. Jeff was more of a fringe actor, not quite B, not quite A.

    lostworld,
    Thank you. Have to confess though, I do love to meddle and always think I know just who would be perfect together. Just can't resist.

    robin,
    Aw, you found your "Nice Guy" in Roger and he seems to have plenty enough spice to be interesting. It is a bit sad that the purely nice guys do lack interest.

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  12. hmm...interesting title...food for thought. I'm glad that you could put two people together that seemed to need each other.

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  13. Hi Patti, You would have been miserable if you had have married Jeff. You definitely did the right thing. AND--putting him with someone else was so nice of you...

    I had a miserable first marriage ---and didn't even date for 20 years... GADS!!!! Then I met George... OH MY GOODNESS. Why in heck did I wait so long?????

    Life is funny, isn't it?????

    Hugs,
    Betsy

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  14. I love stories with happy endings.

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  15. Been away from computer a lot and nearly missed this posting.

    I had one of this men, not a good looking but would have given me the world....just no spark.

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  16. Oh Patti what a story honey! It sounds like we were two of a kind. I threw the good ones back and kept the worms.
    At least this story had a happy ending...I am sure they both think of you often and have only good thoughts of you!
    Thanks for sharing
    Love
    Maggie

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  17. What a very lovely story!!! And I don't blame you...there needs to be mutual respect...and if you can't respect, you can't love...too bad, though...he sounds like he was a nice guy...but, glad it all worked out for the best! Happy endings are wonderful! Love, Janine XO

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  18. Lovely story, Paqtti! You played an important role in their lives!

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  19. Olga,
    Just couldn't resist. They were perfect.

    Betsy,
    You waited so long for it took you that long to find and meet George. No one else would have done.
    Yep, life is funny.

    Linda,
    They are the best kind though a good cry is sometimes refreshing also.

    Nitwit,
    We just need that spark don't we. It may light a terrible fire or just make us warm,safe and comfortable but we do want it.

    Maggie,
    Somehow I don't think we are alone out here. I'm sure some guys are moaning the same song. We just need to find a use for worms.

    Sniffles and Smiles,
    It often is not the wisest choice to turn down such a great person but its a choice a good many insist on making. He was a great guy and he deserved someone who realized that. He found her.

    Reader Wil,
    I am pretty sure they would have ended together eventually, I am just impatient and wanted to hurry things up.

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  20. Well, that did have a happy ending...! I wonder what it was about him that you didn't 'fall in love' with him? It is always fascinating to me how we pick exactly what we don't need and turn away from the BEST thing that ever happened. But, that's life, isn't it?
    I always liked Jeff Chandler's looks and particularly his mouth---a very full sensul beautiful mouth---And his voice was wonderful, too!

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  21. Sometimes folks just don't click and good for both of you that you realized it

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  22. Lynda G
    I agree, they are the best.

    OOLOH,
    You know, I had forgotten about his voice till you mentioned it. I can hear it now and it was wonderful. He was a favorite of mine.

    Linda Starr
    Attraction never is logical but it is what it is I fear.

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  23. Just stopped by to say, "hello," and to give you my love! ~Janine XO

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