Thursday, March 10, 2011

NUDE BEACH


I have a blog I enjoy visiting that gave me a good memory jog for this post. Islandwonder writes a picturesque often funny blog set in Hawaii. I love her views of a place I will most likely never get to visit but I also enjoy her sense of humor.

One thing that makes her blog unique is there is no place to leave a comment. It is a bit frustrating at first, especially for a comment whore like I am, but then you learn to just enjoy her posts and move on. Her recent post on a clothing optional beach was fun and reminded me of Greg.



Greg was an airline pilot that often stayed overnight in the hotel which housed the lounge I where I worked part time. Greg is one of those men with such a fantastic body that you secretly craved seeing him naked. It was not totally a sexual thing but largely a desire to just see such perfection. He wasn't muscle bound but sculpted.

There is a baseball player that elicits the same response from me today. If you get a chance to watch Mike Stanton who plays for the Marlins, you will see a body true artists would love to have model for them. I would take up art for that opportunity. I know, I'm a dirty old woman but I am just looking.

Greg was married so we only had a friendly relationship when he was in town. He would come into the lounge, take a seat near my station and we would talk while he waited for dinner and I wasn't busy. One night he asked me if I knew where the local “nude beach” was that he had heard about and was curious.

I had never been but all locals knew where it was if only to make sure we didn't stumble on it by accident. From what my friends had told me who had visited the beach, most of the nudes they saw would have been better served being fully clothed. Seemed the least endowed and droopiest had the greatest desire to bare all.

I told Greg where it was located and he promised to go the next day. He had a flight back home the same evening so I knew I wouldn't hear about it till his next fly in to West Palm. It was a week later that he came in to tell me what had happened.

He found the beach easily enough. When he walked through the sea grape bushes to the beach, he was amazed at all the skin. Taut skin on a few, but mostly saggy, wrinkled or bloated skin. He put his blanket down and sat on it fully dressed at first taking in the scene.

It was hot so he stripped down to his swimsuit which he had worn under his clothes. He said, even that small amount of clothing when surrounded by naked people, made him feel conspicuous. So off came the suit.

He was lying on his blanket and had turned to his stomach to watch the nudes with half closed eyes. After a while, a really pretty girl came up to him, sat on his blanket and struck up a conversation. Pretty sure that perfect body of his interested her.

Greg was acutely aware he was buck naked and was oddly struck shy. He was fearful his body might betray him and he would have an involuntary physical reaction to the lovely lady. So while he raised up on his elbows to talk to her, he continued to lie on his stomach.

She visited a very long time and he stayed belly down. Finally some of her friends called for her to join a volley ball game. Greg took advantage and put his clothes back on. It was then that he discovered that the formerly lily white, never before exposed skin on his behind was suffering a serious sunburn.

Greg was only able to drive back to the hotel by not sitting in the car. He rammed his tender back into the seat and braced his left leg on the floor board to raise his butt off the seat. He was miserable and just glad it wasn't a long drive. An emergency stop would have been brutal.

He was due to pilot a plane back to his home town that evening but knew he would be too distracted by the pain to take the pilot's seat. He confessed his problem and was allowed to fly back as a passenger, liquored up on pain pills.

As embarrassing as that was, he said explaining to his wife was tougher. This was not a situation one could find a lie to fit, nor could he hide the fact that sitting killed him, so he told her the truth. The good thing is that she had a sense of humor and instead of being angry, she laughed and teased him mercilessly till he healed enough to fly again.

The bad thing is that she logged that experience away in her memory vault for future use when she needed to take him down a peg or two. A lot of us women are like that. I pretty much didn't let him forget either. Hope today, he no longer hears about the sunburned bum episode. Pretty sure he has paid enough.

Have you ever had a “nude beach” experience?

42 comments :

  1. How embarrassing - and painful - for Greg. I've never been to a nude beach, though I've had my share of embarrassing moments. I hope Mike Stanton and the Marlins have a good season!

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  2. Paunchy men in Speedos and babes in almost non-existent bikinis are about as close as I've come to seeing nudity on a beach. I've never lived anywhere that had quick access to the sea, so my beach experiences have been limited to a limited number of vacations thereto. While at Deltona Beach, FL, back in the 70's, I got a blistering sunburn on my upper back that was so painful I could not lean back in the car seat while making the 800+ mile trip back home. Fortunately, I did not have to do the driving. That was a miserable, miserable trip; I can somewhat empathize with Greg.

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  3. No nude beaches for me - even when I was young and would have looked halfway decent. :) These days I'm one of the sagging ones and would be horrified to even undress in front of anyone! blessings, marlene

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  4. I also love to leave comments on blogs that I enjoy, but I do understand sometimes why people disable that feature.

    I've never been to a nude beach, but I did belong in my hippie days to a commune and we swam in the backyard pool in the buff. After a while it seemed so natural that I never thought twice about it.

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  5. Nope! no desire to peak nor to participate in nudity. One look in the mirror is enough for me to think this is might be noy an artistic nor photgraphic moment.

    And the look on Luckie, and all my dogs, when I am in my bunny suit, is enough to nix the nudity idea. I need to see if Luckie look at my husband, like she does me. He is really her favorite. I am the gravy train.

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  6. My girlfriends and I ~ when we were Seniors in high school took a river trip in canoes ... aluminum canoes ... the sun was high and hot ... and by the end of the day ~ so were we. Not a pretty picture ~ a bunch of sun burnt girls trying to pitch tents that night in mosquito infested woods with excruciating sunburns. The next day on the river was even hotter. We were all clothed; but so miserable. Never again.

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  7. No, I haven't been on a nude beach, although there are a few in my country. When we were in Singapore in November 1945 after the concentration camp period, we stayed in a British camp, were well fed and free to go outside the camp. One day some lorries with Dutch soldiers came to take all children to the beach, which was great. We all went swimming, but as we had no swim suits most of us swam naked and so did most soldiers. I didn't for somehow I felt embarressed. I was almost twelve. But the whole day was wonderful and we all enjoyed ourselves greatly.

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  8. I've been to nude beaches, but I never fully participated. I was comfortable going topless, but that was it. I remember thinking that most of the bodies I saw naked gave me a strange insight: So that's what that body shape looks like without clothes. Bummer.

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  9. This is a good topic for a blog--I'll have to save it. I never would call you a comment whore!

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  10. That is funny. Before Bob & I married he picked me up after an all girls lingerie shower, as well as all the gifts. The next week a buddy was riding with him and a lace bra came sliding out from under the seat. He had some explaining to do. Fortunately it was new, had never been worn, but he received a lot of kidding about it.

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  11. Only buffing I ever did was as a Young in the Sun on the Veranda off my bedroom, ONCE, not realizing the house we had just bought, had a daily flight of small aircraft flying into the local airport, JUST Above me...did do a little Moonlight Madness camping a few times.
    Poor Greg...burned bum is no fun.
    Fun entry.
    BlessYourHeart

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  12. Funny story! What a dilemma for Greg, but you know when you put yourself in those situations.... Glad his wife had a good sense of humor! I've never been nor do I ever want to go to a nude beach! I could never quite wrap my mind around the wanting to be nude in front of a bunch of people.

    As for a sunburn, the worst one I ever got was when I sat outside on an overcast windy day for only 2 hours visiting friends and somehow enough sun rays made it through to give me a whopper of a sunburn. Have a nice day.

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  13. Well, what did he expect from the experience? Had I been his wife, I wouldn't have been so casually forgiving.

    But, that's just me.


    Easy, there, with these stories. We have high blood pressure and other sudden attacks that bother us these days.

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  14. Patti, as funny as your story was, it didn't make me laugh as much as when you called yourself a comment whore.

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  15. No nude beach experience up close and personal. Definitely not my thing, never has been, and i am sure everyone else is thankful!

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  16. Oh my, you do have the stories, south of San Francisco was supposed to have a nude beach, but the trail to the beach was so treacherous I never went; other than that I have swum nude at beaches where there were no spectators other than who I was with in Baja and other locations, but that was many years ago for sure.

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  17. That is a very fun post! But no, I don't have any story like that. I'm don't think I could set foot within a mile of a nude beach. Too shy. How unusual that she doesn't allow comments.

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  18. Some people (myself include) look much better fully clothed! However, I did have an adult literacy student who liked nude beaches, and he would sometimes regale me with stories. Unfortunately, just the thought of him nude made me shudder.

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  19. Black Beach in San Diego many years ago. The worst part was coming down a horrible steep cliff where people had fallen and got killed. I have never been so scared in my life. Going back up was like scaling those manufactured rock walls. (only they wear ropes). I kissed the earth when I got on top. Never again!!!!! Good story, Patti. I kept thinking you were going to be there at the nude beach just to get an eyeful of that body. Weren"t you tempted????
    Love and peace .... xo xo xo

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  20. That had to be painful. No I can honestly say, I never was nude in front of a crowd. Well not sure how many were present when I was born. LOL
    I've also never had a sunburn. My skin just never really burned, plus I never liked being in the sun too long at one time. LOL

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  21. A nude beach is the last place I would think of going, but My DIL's sister and her husband vacation at one in Jamaica every year.

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  22. Ellen,
    Me too on both accounts. Mike is hurt now, hope he is OK for the season.

    Pat,
    Oh my, not sure I could have done 800 miles with a blistered back. Sunburns really are nasty.

    Stichinbythelake,
    I never had the urge. The idea of sitting anywhere with out my behind covered killed it for me.

    Djan,
    Now skinny dipping is another matter though I did prefer nighttime.

    Nitwit,
    How funny about Luckie. Mighty ignores me but my cat gets panicky. Scares him.

    mel,
    Good grief, you couldn't even scratch your mosquito bites on your burned skin. Bummer.

    Reader Wil,
    I didn't realize you were in a British camp after the Japanese. So glad you were treated well there. Twelve is too close to womanhood to be running naked.

    robin,
    Well at least you went topless. That's more than I did.

    Olga,
    But I do love comments. I will never solicit them but I do enjoy.

    Linda,
    I wonder if they really believed him. Guys love to think the worst.

    Dar,
    Oh how funny. Bet the flight pattern was busy that day.

    Cheryl,
    Overcast days are the most dangerous for you just don't realize that you are getting burned.

    rosaria,
    Oops, was I too racy for your BP? I probably would have forgiven him for his intentions were not bad, just dumb.

    marciamayo,
    So glad I found your funny bone. I do loves me comments--per popeye.

    LC,
    Not for me either. Just not that proud of my body, especially at
    71.

    Linda Starr,
    Now that is more like it. A secluded beach without the mob.

    Kay,
    Hers is the only blog I visit set up like that. It seemed strange at first but I got used to it.

    Barb,
    I'm guessing he didn't have the greatest of bodies.

    Manzanita,
    My fear of heights would have killed that for me. And yes, I was tempted.

    Patty,
    How funny, I hadn't thought of that but yes, we all do make a nude appearance in front of an audience and today, the audience keeps getting bigger with cameras etc.

    Wanda,
    Well, at least in Jamica, you wouldn't run into anyone you know unless you take them with you. Not for me but those that do love it.

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  23. No honey that is one thing in my life I have not done. lol
    Sounds like Greg had a understanding wife back then wonder if their still married.
    Insteresting and funny story
    Love
    Maggie

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  24. Thanks for the shout out. There weren't any Greg's on the beach Sunday. My pharmaceutical rep sister told me years ago about a product she sold, Toilet Seat Extensions. I see how she afforded her gym now. I have contemplated getting a forum attached. I love taking photos and years ago was introduced to FrontPage, websites, etc so I could send url's with my images to people instead of locking up their inbox with pictures I took. Overtime I added verbiage. I didn't realize I could have a blog such as on blogspot until I was years into it.
    Thanks again! I love reading your stories. I will return the favor but I don't have as many followers as you.

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  25. Ooh, I used to do it all the time. And there are plenty of photographs. At least it's keeping me the heck out of politics.

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  26. What a great story of a pair of burnt buns!!! Good thing his wife had a sense of humor!

    Nope not a nude beach but somehow a local guy ended up on my carport 'knockin' while I was in my pool (topless). Luckily I heard him knock before he saw I was outside. I dipped down, threw on my top and then gave him a holler!

    I usually hear vehicles comin' down the road far off but this day I guess I had the oldies cranked up to the max! Heehehee!!!

    Have a beautiful day sweetie filled with warm wonderful blessings!!!

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  27. Cute story, Patti....I can only imagine what his wife said or did.... ha ha.... AND--wonder how he managed to tell his boss????? FUNNY !!!!

    NO---haven't been near one--nor ever thought about sharing my beauty with anyone except George... ha
    Hugs,
    Betsy

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  28. Well, I never had a nude beach experience but I did have a 'nude' experience :) I moved to Florida from Ohio and although I was in my anorexic days, I was feeling quite 'hot' by the weight I had lost and the new bikini I sported. So I sunbathed on my deck in the nude and fell asleep on my backside...Yeah, well, all those parts and pieces that had NEVER been exposed to the sun were, well, right there showing in front of God and everyone and I slept for over an hour...yes, can you imagine the itching in such places when it began to heal?
    Yeah!

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  29. Grandmayellowhair,
    I would think they still are. If you can laugh at that, you can laugh through anything.

    Islandwonder,
    Well that explains a bunch. I always wondered.
    Right now I am worried about you all and just hope you don't get any damage from the tsunami. Do take care and stay safe.

    Murr Brewster,
    That is hilarious. You do have the best sense of humor.

    Nezzy,
    "Burnt buns", that would have been the perfect title. Why didn't I think of that. Too funny. Isn't skinny dipping the best.

    Betsy,
    I'm sure his boss wanted to reprimand Greg but he couldn't quit laughing at him long enough. He did lose money on the lost flights.

    Tracy,
    Ha, you know exactly how Greg felt with virgin skin being burned. Oh the pain and all that pealing flesh.

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  30. YUP! My aunt took me to a private trailer park where she'd been a member for years.We were planning a swim trip. After we arrived she and her friend quickly changed and he served drinks in his nakedness. Aunt was in her early eighties and her pal in his lat eighties. The two prunes sat at a picnic table playing their usual games of cards. I stayed in a suit but had to remove it to go in the lake for a swim. Luckily I enjoy skinny dipping. The funniest scene at the park was a guy pushing a wheel barrel and seemed like the emperor with his threadbare duds. Aunt will be ninety this summer and he'll be 99. Might be paying then a visit if I'm well enough to travel over the big pond this July.

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  31. KleinsteMotte
    I am still chuckling about the "two prunes". How funny.
    Hope you make it across the pond. They sound like a fun pair.

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  32. What a fun and funny story. I love how you told this.

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  33. I never went to a nude beach in Hawaii, but I saw enough skin (bikinis & speedos) to last a lifetime. I got really burned the first two days there and went home three months later with a white itsy-bitsy bikini outline surrounded by my heavily tanned body. (Once in a lifetime experience while I was twenty--Haven't been in a bikini since and haven't put a bathing suit on in over twenty years. Something about Hawaii--I was totally uninhabited & at home I am very much a prude.

    I think I will blog about the nude lifeform art classes I took.

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  34. OH, BTW I did loss the top of my bikini while surfin with Marines in Hawaii. I guess that counts for half-nude. You can't believe how fast I scramble to put on a T-shirt!

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  35. Hi Patti, this is my first visit to your blog, and I am cracking up. You are a wonderful storyteller. I'm your newest follower.

    I am writing to say hi, and to invite you to read my Sepia Saturday post today, because it is about my Johnson relatives in Summers, Arkansas. If you are interested and have the time please come on over!

    I haven't been to a nude beach, but there are some hot sprngs around where I can picture what you are talking about, lol.

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  36. Well, I've not been to a nude beach, but here in Colorado, we have hot springs. Some of them are nude hot springs. My husband and I went to one once. We wanted to go to a hot springs near Ouray, CO and the only one who had openings was a nude one. So, we decided to be adventuresome and go in to see what it was like. Part of the spa was limited to suits only. Guess where we were? We kept our clothes on. We are both to shy and modest not to. It seemed the place was mostly frequented by old men and a few old women who all needed to be covered by a suit.

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  37. Oh I did enjoy that story ...I have never been to a nude beach but I remember my best friend and his girl friend going to one ....falling a sleep and then having to ride a large motor bike, 200 miles back home ...he fell asleep on his back !!!!
    ps ..I thirst for comments too ...or at least knowing someone has poped by.

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  38. Jenny,
    Thanks so much for stopping by and for the nice comment.

    Sheri,
    There really is something freeing about being some where that no one knows you.
    Can't wait for the art form class post. I had a cousin who was a model once.
    And, half nude counts for this post.

    Oregon Gifts.
    Thank you so much for stopping by TNS. I will go check out your Arkansas post now.

    Retired English Teacher,
    I know, why is it mostly those who should stay clothed that seem to bare it all. Maybe there is a spring chicken nude beach not available to the public??

    Angie,
    Oh dear, that might have hurt worse than burnt buns.
    Me too. Comments kind of make my day.

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  39. No nude beaches for me. It just doesn't even sound good. Although I did my share of skinny dipping in my much younger days. Oh and there have been a time or three in a girl friend's hot tub, girls only.
    Sun burners are no fun at all. Good for Greg's wife that she had a sense of humor, wise woman.

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  40. Brighid,
    I'm with you on his wife. I'm sure I would have laughed also and all the pain he suffered was punishment enough.

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  41. LOL, LOL...Poor Greg....
    No, I cannot say that I have had a Nude Beach experience---I have had some other Nude Group experiences, but all of them were very innocent. Oddly enough they took place in Hawaii....lol! I should write about it someday.....
    Funny Story, my dear....!

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  42. OOLOH,
    Thank you and I do hope you write about it. You have me curious now.

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