Monday, March 7, 2011

JEFFREY



Sometimes, well almost all the time, Grandparents rule. Learning curves established with their own children have been acknowledged and refined. Also there is that delightful attribute of being a “grand” in knowing that all the unpleasant part of parenting is no longer their responsibility.

Though I was never lucky enough to be a grandparent myself, I was blessed with a few dandies in my life and have met some delightful examples out side my family. I have some amazing examples right here among my blog buddies.

I once worked with a lady that was a fine specimen of what a good grandparent should be. Krista was the type of person that if I had to come back human, I wanted to be just like her.

She was a beautiful woman in her fifties that had been a model in her younger days. Her Swedish heritage showed in her posture, blue eyes and natural blonde hair. If she had any grey hairs, they were undetectable in the pale blonde curls. Her open, gregarious, unconventional , quite the rascally personality, was fun to be around.

She could cook dishes that made your eyes roll in pleasure, was a gracious hostess and had married a handsome, former Olympian who was at that time I knew them, in the steel business. They had an equally handsome son who provided them with two beautiful grandsons. Now you can partly see why the image envy.

Krista told me the following story that illustrated that she also had the wisdom that comes with being a grandparent.

The key to this story lies in the fact that her husband was named Thomas, their son was Thomas Jr. and grandsons were Thomas III and Jeffrey.

One day, nine year old Jeffrey came up to her obviously troubled.

“Grandma----Grandpa is Thomas Senior,right.” He did not question but stated, just wanting confirmation.

“That's right.” Krista said.

“And Dad is Thomas Jr.” he again stated.

“That's right.” Krista again countered.

“And my brother is Thomas the third.” He again sought her reassurance but with each statement his head dropped further.

“Yes he is.” she answered puzzled at his stating the obvious.

Finally, not even looking at her, he mumbled into his chest. “Then I guess that makes me Jeffrey the Nothing.”

Only his crestfallen look kept her from bursting into laughter. To him, this was critical. His not being named Thomas the Forth was causing him great pain. It was only her quick thinking that saved Jeffrey from possibly needing adult therapy in 20 years. Instead of trying to convince Jeffrey how not being chosen to carry his father's name wasn't a sign of being least favored and unloved, she explored the positive.

“Oh no.” she said quickly,” That makes you Jeffery the First. Someday when you have children, you can become Jeffrey Senior if that is what you want. You are "the beginning" just like your grandfather.”

Those few words sent “Jeffrey the First” walking away from her with an absolute strut in his stride and a huge smile as he digested the new #1 status he shared with his adored grandfather. I'm sure that one thing didn't make a critical difference in Jeffrey, but it had to have helped his self-esteem and sense of belonging. Krista said just the right thing.

Jeffrey eventually grew up to be a respected judge, just like his Dad. If I remember correctly, he produced only a female offspring so I don't believe he ever got to be Jeffrey Sr. Pretty sure it didn't matter by then.

Krista has long left us but I still remember her with admiration how she lived her life, used her blessings and shared her kind wisdom. I lift my glass of apple juice to salute her and all you grandparents who excel every day. You are the best.


My Internet Service Provider has been having fits the whole weekend with my service being sporadic at best. At least 75% of the time, I have had no access to the Internet nor my e-mail this week end.

I am going to schedule this post for Monday and hope it goes out OK. I would be upset at this iffy service but I am used to it. It did rain after all. Have no idea why but a heavy rain seems to be more than my podunk server can handle. Shuts it down every time.

I still adore my town, just find the cell service and my only choice of Internet provider, outside of satellite, seriously lacking. According to friends who have tried, our satellite isn't that hot either and way expensive. Can't have it all I guess. Keep toes crossed for me.

41 comments :

  1. I just read this post to my sister, and we both are smiling. It posted just fine this morning (Monday) and I am so glad I didn't miss it! What a wonderful story.

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  2. Dear Patti,
    You have a life filled with interesting friends and you post brilliantly on them. Grandparents can be the mainstay in a child's life because they have the wisdom and have learned patience. Thank you for posting on them.
    Love and peace,
    Manzanita

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  3. Thanks for sharing the wisdom of your wise and beautiful friend. I'm glad your post got posted as planned; technology probems are definitely irritating. A few days ago our computer's Microsoft Word crashed. Robert tried for hours to uninstall, reinstall, and restore, but it remains crashed and we can't use Word. I guess in life there's always "something" - thanks for blogging about what's really important.

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  4. Such a tender story. Good example of how it's all in the way one perceives a situation...look on the bright side. I have 2 sons...one has his dad's name and the other has the name my mother had picked for a son, she never had.

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  5. Very nice post. You really do have such a gift for reflecting and writing on your life's experiences.

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  6. It's a great story and proves that elderly people are wise!

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  7. Read you loud and clear, Patti!

    I love this (well-told) story. Your Swedish friend/grandmother was a wise and kind woman.

    Naming of children can be a touchy thing, sometimes for all concerned. My husband was a "Jr." His elder son is a "III". "III" has only female offspring. "III"'s younger brother has one child, a son. That son named his first son "IV," and caused all sorts of hurt feelings in the family. I may not live long enough to find out if there's a "V."

    Hope your internet dries out soon.

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  8. Hi Patti, Good Grandparent story! After raising 4 children, being a Grammy is like icing on the cake. I get to have fun and then send them home! Hope you are starting out with a nice week weather-wise.

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  9. Receiving you loud and clear in New Zealand! Glad that the miracles of the internet were able to do their thing and whisk your blog to all parts of the globe. I enjoyed reading about the lovely blond grandmother and her wisdom. My grannies were wise, and their hearts were good, but their outward form was somewhat different from that of your tall blond... My sister and I named them "Little Grannie" and "Big Grannie". "Little Grannie" was about 5 feet tall, and rather round. She was a most excellent baker of all sorts of delicious treats, and her kitchen was a delight for children to visit. "Big Grannie" was tall and thin, and we did hear later was a little upset to be known as "Big"! She made the most tasty blackberry and apple pie, which I can still enjoy when I think of her nearly 50 years later!

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  10. Hi Patti, this is a wonderful and wonderfully written story! It made me smile when I read of dear little Jeffery's light bulb moment. Bless Krista's wisdom in the way she handled that situation. Have a great day!

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  11. A wise woman! I have wonderful one-on-one conversations with my grandchildren they'd probably not have with their busy parents.

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  12. Wonderful story! I'm not a grandparent myself, but my grandparents were very special to me.
    I have satellite internet service. It is expensive and you will lose service when the cloud cover gets very thick. Just one of the problems of living in the country.

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  13. What an absolutely beautiful post. A very wise and wonderful lady. Reading about her reminds me of someone I know and love very much who is also a very wise and wonderful mother and grandmother.

    Hope your internet provider stops acting up so you can post anytime you want and it goes out. Hugs

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  14. Yae! Your post went off as scheduled. This is such a beautiful, heart warming story, excellently written. What a lovely way to start off the week. Krista is the type of grandmother I would like to emulate.

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  15. I am Grandma Di, and I do not cook, I feed my grandchildren lime flavored Tostitos with Salsa in a jar from the grocery store. I do not look like a Swedish model, only a beat up old japlopy. My granddaughters think I am cool because I have wifi at my house and they can all plug in their laptops simultaneously. It used to I was cool because i had cable tv but they are too old for Spongebob any more. Besides, they like to commune with their friends on Facebook. Dianne

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  16. What a sweet story..

    Grandmothers Rock (I love being one)...

    I have internet issues also where I live..all I can get that is fairly reliable is an air card on my laptop, but I love living here so much that a few inconveniences don't bother me...

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  17. How sweet. I'd like to be that kind of grandpa but its hard with them all growing up a thousand miles away.

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  18. What a lovely post ...I can just imagine her dealing with the situation and sending the young boy away happy.

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  19. What a lovely woman. Quick thinker for sure. Made that little boy feel great. I know a family that for some reason didn't name their first born son after their Father, but named the second son. Never could quite figure that out.

    Hope you and your little furry friends have all been well.

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  20. This is another great story. Grandparents must weigh their words because they truly do carry such ramifications. This grandmother was extremely wise and thoughtful.

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  21. What a quick thinking grandma. Oh that we could all think that quick on our feet.

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  22. Djan,
    Glad you both liked it.
    So glad it made it. When I got up I had no service but it came on about an hour later. So far today--it had been perfect.

    Manzanita,
    Thank you so much. I have met some real keepers and feel quite fortunate. Sadly, many are gone now but the memories aren't.

    Ellen,
    Thank you.
    Do you think those sun bursts are getting to our electronice. Gee, I hope not. Hope you get Word back.

    Wanda,
    You are one of those very special grands. I am glad the child that didn't get his dad's name, got an important one.

    turquoisemoon,
    Thanks, glad you liked it.

    Olga,
    Thanks, I try to tell the stories that impressed me when they happened.

    Reader Wil,
    Yes we are. There has to be some compensation for aching joints.

    Pat,
    Oh my goodness, that really is a can of worms. Hope it doesn't cause any rifts in the family.

    kenju,
    That was one of her best characteristics.

    Barb,
    As the saying goes, if you knew how wonderful grandchildren were going to be, you would have had them first.

    Peter,
    Good that I made it to NZ. So far, after a hiccup this morning, it has worked perfectly.
    Sounds like you had some great grannies who fed you well.

    Cheryl,
    Thanks so much. Sometimes the answers to our problems are quite simple. I thought she was rather clever.

    Linda Myers,
    Thanks. I'm sure they can talk to you more easily. Grands don't have the judgemental role that parents must have.

    Sweet Virginia Breeze,
    Thanks so much.
    That has been the consensus here also on satellite internet. If I am going to have iffy service anyway, it might as well be the cheaper variety.

    Mumsy,
    Thank you. I am glad you had someone like that in your life also. We were both lucky.

    Kay,
    Thank you very much. We all need role models that set the bar high.

    Dianne,
    Hay,lime flavored Tostitos with Salsa puts you in the Grandmother hall of fame.

    Rocky Mountain Woman,
    I've found that those who "love being a grandmother" are the good ones.
    I'm with you, I wouldn't trade my view for a lightning fast and reliable internet.

    troutbirder,
    Oh, I am sorry they aren't handy but I bet when you get together, it is a magical time.

    Angie,
    Thanks. Not sure I could have done as good a job.

    Patty,
    Thanks. That does sound like a different situation. Sure there was a good reason.
    Thanks, all furries are fine.

    Retired English Teacher,
    Thank you and you are so right. The wrong words would not have erased his pain. The reason I told this story is that I was so impressed with her response.

    Linda,
    I am almost positive I would not have done such a great job. He needed reassurance and he got it.

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  23. What a wonderful story about a wonderful Grandmother full of wisdom. You have so eloquently portrayed her love for her Jeffrey. I love reading your endearing entries.
    BlessYourHeartPatti

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  24. Patti, what a beautiful story!

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  25. Hooray! It 'published'...! And an interesting post too....That was pretty darn smart of your friend---And true, too! Grandmothers know!

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  26. My parents chose not to have any William Paul SR, jR. I, II, II. Good thing because they only had one biological son and two adopted daughters.

    But I have often wondered about the Sr. Jr. thing which is usally the oldest son, and its effect on then next son.

    So great story and wise person talking to a child. I also wondered about daughters feeling about a sibling named after a parent, but others who were not.

    I and my siblings have names which only have surname in common with parents or grandparents.

    This posted as far as I know on Monday, so no problem here.

    I finally have an appointment in LR. I think it precedes date for procedure, but not sure a this point. But at least progress.

    Since I spent 11A-4P in ER, the attending physician knows me from way back, and my nurse practioner as fellow substitute in ER. She told nurse practioner my "no return" callbacks.

    I think she was hot. Nothing like a woman scorned.

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  27. What a terrific story about Jeffrey. Must use that with youngest grandson, who wishes he was named after granddad like his brothers. :)

    Oh gosh, I hope you don't have to spend a frustrating day on the phone.

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  28. Your friend was a quick thinker! What a clever response. Being 'Namy' (combo 'grand' and 'Amy') is the best -- having only been a stepmom and having had no biological kids I had no idea what to expect...

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  29. Dar,
    Thank you so much. She really came through for him that day.

    marciamayo,
    Thank you Marcia.

    OOLOH
    Yea, It has worked for a whole day now. Life is good.
    Living a long time does have a few benefits. Wisdom being one of them. I'm still waiting for mine.

    Nitwit,
    Since she told that story, I now have a whole different out look on making one child a Jr. It puts any males that follow with feelings of not quite measuring up.
    Hope LR goes well for you and you get the proceedure you want.

    marylee,
    Wonder if there has ever been a study on the effect on the second boy when the first is either a Jr. or III. Hope that explanation helps your grandson.

    I Wonder Wye,
    I was also impressed with her quick and effective reasoning. I know I would have bored the little fellow with hours of trying to convince him he was just as good as Thomas III. She did it in a few words.
    "Namy" is cute--enjoy them.

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  30. I posted a comment this morning and it has flown away I quess!
    Anyway, loved this post, what a sharp gran she was.

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  31. Patti honey so glad this sweet post came through to all of us.
    Great stopping in as always to see what you have for us. Love this story and especially the way you told it to us. I felt like I was there the whole time.
    Yes it is a great responsibility being a grandparent especially in my situation with the DL watching me like a hawk. hahaha
    Honey don't even get me started on the internet services for rural areas. As you know I pay an arm an leg for mine. Not fair when eight miles down the rode they have what I need but like you I do love living out here.
    Have a great day
    Love
    Maggie

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  32. What a delightful post about Jeffery the First! It made me smile!

    God bless ya dear friend and have a remarkable day!!! :o)

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  33. That was a great story! I am lucky enough to have two grandsons, they are the light of my life.......

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  34. Patti,
    I would presume to visit with you in person there is NEVER a dull moment; am I correct in that summation? ( I thought so...)

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  35. Bridgid,
    Don't know where the other one went but this one made it. Thanks, she was special.

    Grandmayellowhair,
    When you add up the pluses and minuses of country life, plus wins every time. We just grin and bear the minus part.

    Nezzy,
    Thank you gal and I do hope you are feeling better.

    Iowa Gardening Woman,
    If they are the light of your life, then they are lucky younguns.

    Tracy,
    Actually, these days, there are lost of dull moments. I just try to nod off during them.

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  36. I finally was optimistic again and ready to read blogs. Yours was the first today and boy you made me SMILE!! Thanks. :)

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  37. KleinsteMotte
    Thanks, always happy when I can make some one smile.

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  38. I love this. Jeffrey the nothing has really stuck in my head.

    What a grand story-teller you are!

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  39. Jenny,
    Gosh, thanks for the neat compliment. Much appreciated.

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