Saturday, March 10, 2012


Before you get your red pencils out to correct my spelling, that is the spelling I was going for.


It is that "proportionate people" part that gets me. That once fits my physical description, but not now. I no longer have a narrowest part of my torso. An rectangle figure best describes me. Do you see yourself here??

apple, pear, hourglass, rectangle
I think the lack of a waist all started with the elastic waistband. Such an insidiously clever and comfortable invention it is true but I suspect it to be the root cause of a nation of people struggling with their waistline.

Thanks to the elastic waist band, there is no pain as our middle loses definition. We have no discomfort to warn us that it is time to shove our chairs away from the table. It just gently expands. It is truly an enabler.

I like to twist the exercise devotee’s mantra,” no pain, no gain.”  My version, "Feel pain, no gain."  If we all felt the pain around our middles via a no-give band before that dessert, then we pretty much could avoid the gain. 

A static waist band should be mandatory in the clothing industry. That would force us to face the truth on a daily basis though I have seen some fellows who just lower their rigid waistbands a bit to where there is less girth. Hopefully I can avoid that pitfall.

Besides adding sadness to my morning weigh in, my lack of waist has an embarrassing side effect.  I have discovered the waist has a function that I now greatly miss. Oh what a handy gadget my waist was.

The indention between the ribs and hips was the perfect hook to secure my jeans. There is no way they could slide off. However with the lack of a waist and that darn elastic waist band, I am constantly tugging to pull my pants up.

I don't notice it much during the Winter but Spring with the bending at the hips to pull weeds has me constantly tugging at my drawers to keep from flashing passersby. I am feeling quite plumber-esque and was thinking suspenders for a while.

Ok, what to do at this late date? At the stage I am now, I can't buy anything with a rigid waist band that will fit my current size. To get a size to fit my waist, I would need jeans so large a family of plump raccoons could live in the bottom half.

I am thinking of a belt to wear over my elastic waistbands for that necessary discomfort. This would be two fold. It would restrict my urge to splurge on food but would also help to hold up my pants and keep me from mooning my neighbors.

Then as the discomfort forces me to be more aware of portion size and my waist begins to reappear, I can just tighten the belt a notch. I may have a winner here. I'll let you know if it works.

Oh pish posh, I have rethought this and I'm sticking with comfort. Wonder if they make girlie suspenders? Till then, look the other way neighbors.

Do you still wear a static waistband or have you been seduced by the elastic cheater? There may still be time for you.


  1. Great idea Patti...feel pain no gain. It's a static waistband for me, but sometimes I have to resort to a rubberband lengthener for comfort. In the future, I may just resort to comfy t-shirt like dresses, long flowing skirts or muu muus even. Maybe feminine suspenders or jumpsuits are the answer, if one wants to wear pants!

  2. How true are your words! If it weren't for stretch fabric I'd still be wearing a size 14! Now, even size 8's are possible... but I'm only fooling myself.
    Again...I'll follow your words and just relax and wear what's comfortable.

  3. I'm hanging on to the waistbands...i do have a few pair of pants with that nasty elastic stuff...but...mine rise, instead of slip down and seem to always end up under my boobs...!! Not a good look or feeling..!!
    Love this post..

  4. My fashion consultent has very strict ideas. Wives can be like that. On the other hand, I'm strictly for comfort. Thanks for clearing this whole subject up for me... :)

  5. After a woman goes through menopause, that hourglass figure always turns into (at best) the rectangle. After having lost weight, I can now get into my static jeans without flowing over the top. It does help to have elastic in some of my pants, but you're right: they cause creeping waist gain. Must be the pants' fault.

  6. I haven't worn a "static" waist band for 30 years, or more.....And when I had better control over my weight issues--There Was No Problem. I always had a waist....I have enjoyed the elastic band ALL these many years and now, Well...I am deeply grateful that whoever came up with this fabulous idea---DID come up with it! Now that I have burst-to-bloat, Well, let's just say, I LOVE the elastic band even more. I don't intend to change all this, I'm afraid, even if I should....Enough Is Enough. I'm just going to accept that this is my body now....!

    I hope you make real peace with this dilemma, my dear....Just enjoy everything, including the FABULOUS Elastic Band!

  7. Yeah, those elastic waistbands are dangerous. I was just lamenting the fact that my shorts are feeling tight around the middle so I guess I best heed the warning.

  8. Rectangular here. And with the current trend towards "low rise" everything in pants, jeans and shorts I am constantly tugging up my pants. Someone needs to come up with something like alligator clips built into waistbands for tightening and loosening after weight losses/gains.

  9. I have both but have to admit that I go for the elastic the most since my waist has gone south long ago. I always wondered what happened to it...I think you may have hit the nail on the head sweet Patti. If you do try that belt you better sew some loops on the pants or you will still be mooning when the belt slips up and the pants down. lol Hugs

  10. I spend so much time in sweats at home that I have a rule that whenever I go off my property, I have to wear what I call 'real pants'. This at least makes me aware of what I am doing to myself. Decided a few weeks ago that I have to lose weight as I can't afford new clothes.I don't go by makers' sizings; I currently have pants in sizes 12, 14, and 16 and they all have the same measurements!

    Great post!

  11. First the bra, now the waistband, you are slipping apart it seems. Just kidding, but what do you expect from an hourglass figure. In your dreams. I look a little square but great from behind on the grocery store cameras. That's all I look at these days. Dianne (MS Macintosh)

  12. Casual dresses are my weakness. I bought a pair of Capri pants last week, in my size, and they don't fit. I hopped on the scale after avoiding if for a few weeks and it is amazing what 4 lbs can do. I have to fight the pear in me.

  13. I didn't know they still made pants WITHOUT elastic waistbands.

    I may be an apple, but at least I'm "delicious"!

  14. You are so right. I wear both. My jeans of course have waist bands, but lots of shorts and jogging pants do not. You gave me a whole new perspective on waist bands. Have a great weekend.

  15. Unfortunately, I can relate all too well with this post. When I first married my husband, I wasn't working for a while and so I started wearing elastic band pant. I quickly put on 30 lbs. When I got a job, I was in shock when I couldn't fit into my pants.

    I still have the extra poundage, darn. I do wear Not Your Daughter Jeans and find them quite comfortable. Sometimes it takes trying on every pair in the store to find the right fit. They are expensive, but worth it. I live in mine.

  16. Looking at the picture, I guess I am pear shaped. I wear baggy muumuus around the clock. No pants for me.

  17. Jeans are not the best subject with me - I guess I wear the elastic waistbands - but nothing fits just right - oh yeah - how do you dress an apple in bluejeans anyway? sandie

  18. I'm back to waistbands after a 10 yr hiatus. I say go for some suspenders- maybe pink? I think you will love them!

  19. I think you're so right about those elastic waistbands, Patti! That said, I don't know what I'd do without them! I have the notorious apple shape and have several treasured pairs of jeans that actually fit because 25 years ago, there was a brand of jeans made for people who had their weight in the waist and stomach, but had small hips and legs. Fortunately, I hung on to several pair so that, now that my weight is going back down, I can fit into them. I can't imagine why these are no longer made as they do preclude the flashing possibilities when one bends over gardening tasks. I really laughed over your comments about jeans so large that a family of raccoons could live in them. I've tried on jeans like that and have been horrified.

  20. I'm still a jeans girl. But I'm sure it won't be long before I do the grandma thing for real. I've been a grandma for 7 1/2 years now. It's probably time to admit defeat.

  21. Dear Arkansas Patti,
    What a delightful post! I'm so glad you can look at this dilemma so many of us are in and write a post that had me smiling and giggling and laughing out loud.

    Yes, those elastic waistbands have been my downfall also. (That and the fact that my stomach seems to want more . . . and ... more . . . and more food!) And like you, I now have this rectangle of a figure that lets my pants slip downward. Alas. What a choice--between being comfortable and having a waist!


  22. You are absolutely right about elastic waistbands.

  23. Ha! The fashionistas on "What Not To Wear" have also warned about the insidious dangers of the elastic waistband.

    I have a friend who liked to wear maternity pants--you know, the ones with the stretch-panel in the front--to Thanksgiving dinner.

  24. So how does it work for an apple on top of a pear? That's me. I still have waistbands, but they are extremely uncomfortable. It sounds as though you just need to find some long tops, to be sure that they cover more as you bend. Tunics can be your friend! :)

  25. Wanda,
    Hum, a rubberband lengthener might do the trick. I fear a muumuu. That might give me excuse to just abandon my body.

    You are right on. I get tickled buying 10's.

    BlueRidge Boomer,
    Goodness, I never heard of them going the other way. At least you don't moon anyone.

    How nioe that you have an in house consultant. That takes all the decisions out:))

    Hay, I am blaming the pants for sure. My story and I am sticking to it.

    If it weren't for scaring my neighbors, I would just relax and enjoy. Maybe suspenders.

    Exactly what I meant. They are an early warning system.

    RV Vagabonds,
    I think you ought to go with that and get a patent. Sounds like a winning idea.

    Good idea. Belt loops would keep that belt in place so it doesn't end up looking like a thong.

    Isn't that the truth about the different sizes. Medium used to be just that, now it is small. Yikes.

    I did OK till the big 70 hit. Then the old bod went completely to pieces.

    Goodness, all the exercising you do, you should be hour glass. The sad thing about poundage is that it doesn't spread itself around, it heads for a favorite area.

    Ha ha, love your attitude.

    If you can still wear both, you are doing fine.

    Retired English Teacher,
    The sneaky thing is that the elastic takes away our warning system till it is too late.
    I would love to try those jeans but there isn't a store any where near me.

    I fear muumuus would be the death of me. I have no control as it is.

    Chatty Crone,
    Gosh, I guess that does present a problem. I can relate to nothing fitting "right".

    Southwest Arkie,
    I hope it has been a painless transition.
    Yep,I got some today for working in the yard at least.

    Dr. Kathy McCoy,
    I know, it is just not attractive. Perhaps some smart person will design jeans to fit the different body types. They could make a killing.

    Mom of 12,
    Keep wearing them as long as you can. Once you give in, there is no turning back.

    So glad I found your funny bone. That was my intent. It is a tough choice huh.

  26. Linda,
    Lethal aren't they??

    Patricia K. Lichen
    Good to know those who know have also noticed. Ha ha, hate to admit it but I looked at some of those the other day.

    That could be a definite possibility. I'd still have to pull the pants up to keep them from falling totally off but at least no one would be shocked.

  27. Hi Patti.. Thanks for the great post .. My diet starts tomorrow..

  28. Well Patti,
    I have long determiend, I wear what is comfortable...and just try to look nice :)

  29. I was seduced a long time ago and have never wanted to go back strictly because of the comfort of gardening in stretch pants with elastic bands, once I wore them even before my expanded waistline I never wanted to wear jeans again.

  30. Sorry ... I'm an 'elastic waiste band' person ...have been for years. First started for comfort and then I realized that I could wear a smaller size if there was one its two. If I have to wear a normal band then the legs and seat are too baggy ...I am truely an apple now ...used to be 'top heavey'... one that is not on your list and was a sort of hour glass for a few years in my late teens.xx

  31. I was just discussing this with a clerk in the womens department of a clothing store recently. One hardly EVER sees waists anymore, even on young women. WHERE are they going :}

  32. Jan,
    Ha,ha, think I will wait till Monday. Let me know how you do.

    That should be all of our goals in this stress filled world.

    Linda Starr,
    It is while gardening that the elastic bands don't work for me. I keep losing my brithes.

    Well at least you got to be an hour glass for a while. I envy you that.

    Dr. Kathy McCoy,
    I really think if someone made slacks and jeans specific to body types, it would be a big hit. We just aren't all alike. Wonder why they quit making those.

    Entre Nous,
    I've noticed that too. We used to brag about our waist size. It was a sign of sexuality but now days, big boobs trumps a tiny waist. I lost on all fronts.

  33. What a great post, Patti! I just read that actually a constricted waist is bad for you. I think it inhibits breathing and digestion - and can thus effect the heart. Remember - one thing always impinges on another. I have some elastic and also some static waistbands - but both definitely have to be comfortable. I'm too old to put fashion ahead of comfort!

  34. Oh, Patti, I do know what you are talking about. I was always an hourglass and had my shirts tucked in. Then went thru the meno and am now a pear. (My butt, arms and legs stayed the same size, but not my belly.) I bought some of those in-style low riders and had the same problem that you have whilst gardening. This time around I bought some Gloria Vanerbuilts with a built in tummy panel that actually works, and they only cost $25 on sale and I think that I have found my brand.

    Loved this post!

    Kathy M.

  35. Thanks Patti I needed to read something funny before turning in tonight.
    I was trying to picture you the whole time I was reading this delightful entertaining post.
    I too miss my tiny waist but that was many years ago.
    I wear a lot of capri jeans that are made I guess for waist like mine so I don't have too much of a problem with mooning the neighbors yet. Maybe it's the big hips that keep mine up pretty good. Now you got me pondering this
    Have a wonderful week honey and do go for comfort

  36. No waist band yet but I have seriouly been considering suspenders...OUCH!
    Just writing out those words stung.

  37. Patti, I'm so glad you re-thought your crazy idea. It was giving me a belly ache. One of the best things about getting older is not worrying about your waistline as long as you are healthy.

  38. I am somewhere between a pear and a rectangle and my pants are always falling down. If I buy them to fit my belly, the legs are huge!

  39. Barb,
    Totally agree. I was going more for function than fashion. My pants keep falling off with out that indention.

    Oregon Gifts,
    I vaguely remember tucking in my shirts:)) I will check out GV jeans. Thanks.

    Grandma Yellow Hair,
    Wonder if there is an exercise to make my hips bigger:)) Will check out some capri types. Thanks.

    Hay, I bought a cheap pair yesterday for gardening. Not pretty but really kept the pants from going South. Good luck.

    Sadly we all know belly fat is what kills us. I really was going for function rather than fashion. Gotta keep those pants from exposing me.

    Thank you. Someone else with the falling pants syndrome. Now I feel better.

  40. HA HA... Cute post, Patti. I have been an 'elastic' person for years and years... My poor ole waist doesn't enjoy being bound---so that elastic works well.

    However, I've been wearing a pedometer on a belt for the past few months --trying to keep up with my steps/exercise. I cannot stand wearing that belt --since it is not elastic... BUT--I love seeing how much exercise I get each day...

    Out of your picture, I am more like a PEAR shape... Don't think that will ever change.... Oh Well!!!

    We are home from our 2nd trip is a month--and both of us have colds.. Yuk! Guess it will be REST for this upcoming week for both of us.


  41. I have resisted so far, but it's probably only a matter of time...

    My boyfriend just started wearing suspenders! He looks like a cute little old man....

    love it!

  42. I wear Not Your Daughter's Jeans. It's mostly a static waistband but it has "give". I gave away all the rest of my jeans!

  43. I gave into the elastic bands when I began to look like a pear. :(

  44. "Plumber-esque" What a great word.

  45. I give up. However, as I have lost a small amount of weight the last 4 years, compared to what is still left to lose, I am getting into the deep recesses of my closet and finding some outfits.

    Interestingly, I have 16s that are truly 2 different sizes. Some years back size 16 became 18s, 14s became 16s, etc. and this not entirely limited to women's sizes as I was told.

    So some 16s fit which elate me. However, some don't. Further I found some slacks that were all elastic, and some with about 1/2 elastic waistbands. I can get in some of the later and none of the former.

    But the elegant suits with NO elastic are still hanging lonely in the recesses of my closet.

  46. Betsy,
    I am so sorry the both of you are sick. A cold wasn't too nice a Birthday present. Take care of each other, rest up and be well soon.

    Rockymountain woman,
    Yikes. I just bought a pair for gardening. Sure hope they don't make me look like a cute little old man.

    Linda Myers,
    I looked those up and they aren't in any store within 2 hours of me. Rats. Pretty sure they need to be tried on.

    Maybe pear shape keeps the pants from falling down. Enjoy your comfort.

    NCMountain woman.
    Thanks. It seemed to fit my exposure problem.

    I also get mad that sizes are no longer what they used to be. It means you have to try on everything before buying.
    Most of mine are the 1/2 elastic ones.

  47. Please don't hate me...I still have a waist and I'd have to classify myself as the hourglass. Sorry. It don't come easy though!

    I gotta work hard to hang on to my waistbands through blood sweat and chasin' wild~eyed bovine! Heehehehee!

    God bless ya sweetie and have yourself a sunshiny kinda day! :o)

  48. I'm afraid I'm the pear. Sigh... Gravity has pushed everything down on my body.

  49. After the 7 fractured vertabrae I totally got into the very loose clothing thing. I was not a skinny person before that ordeal (still going on) and am sure not now.

    I got out one of the very loose house dresses yesterday to do some tidying outside. Later after a shower and getting ready to go to my knitting group meeting I put on some capris. They have elastic in the waist and they sort of ride down when I bend over. The good part is I can still wear them and don't have to buy all new wardrobe. *grin*

    I did notice the other day when I put on a pair of static waistband slacks that my back was hurting by the time I got back home. Musta been too tight.

  50. Oh yeah...forgot the part about the jeans that are stretchy all over...legs and all. :)

  51. Nezzy,
    Of course I hated you for having a waist, till you said that it took work:)) Enjoy.

    Gravity has an evil sense of humor doesn't it:))

    Amber Star,
    Wow, with a back that bad, I would give it all the room it needs. I guess as long as we don't bend over in public, we are good.

  52. Whooeee! Thanks for my hoot for the a.m. Post-stroke it is elastic for me! Comfort, movement and speed. Those darn buttons, hooks, zippers and other instruments of torture make a visit to the restroom scary and loaded with the threat of disaster while I am still without much cooperation from my left hand.

    I would rather not have had a stroke, but it is a convenient excuse for rectangle shape, elastic and no high heels. Miss sandals, though!

  53. LC
    So glad I gave you a chuckle. Hadn't thought about it from that view point. Such a blessing and glad it was invented.