NOT BUTT UGLY, BUT-------

 Jan, Charlene, the runt me, and Jim in order of age, not height.

I'm back from sunny Florida, kind of worn out, a little more tan, over stimulated and 5 pounds lighter. I've stated before that I am a boredom eater and if I were properly entertained, I'd be a ninety pound weakling.  Obviously I was properly entertained by my siblings. If I had stayed longer, I could have shed all my unwanted pounds.  I had such a great time with my family and have a couple of stories to tell, not in any particular order. 

I do believe I promised not to do a repeat of the "butt ugly glasses" episode but I may have topped that one.  

The first night at my sister Jan's, I did my usual 4:00 AM wake up. I am still 
on Mighty Dog time-- a hard habit to break.   Jan's little dog Lilly has some unfortunate potty habits so I thought since I was up anyway, I'd take her for a short walk to empty her bladder, then find a cozy spot to quietly read my Kindle till Jan got up. 

I got dressed, opened the back door to check the weather and thought it just a tad cool so I went out to my car to get a light sweater before getting Lilly ready for her walk. However, when I went to go back in the house, I was stunned to find the door was locked. 

How could that be? I had very carefully checked to make sure both handles turned freely before I shut the door.  Who knew it would lock behind me like a hotel door?  Well crap!!!

OK, it was a lovely Florida night so all was not awful. Now it was closer to 4:30 AM. I looked under all the potted plants and over the doors  for a hidden key. Nothing.

I hated to wake my sister but there really wasn't much to do on the porch for the several hours before Jan normally gets up around 7.  Wasn't sure either that the neighbors wouldn't call the cops regarding that strange old lady milling around the outside of the house making the motion lights blink off and on. 

Then it became imperative that a decision had to be made.  I was developing a growing need to go to the bathroom. I am one of those cursedly regular sorts. Sadly, it was not the discreet plant watering urge hitting me, I had all ready taken care of that before dressing.  It was the impossible to hide event that one might try to blame on a strange dog but would fool no one. Human scat is very recognizable. There was no real option, I needed an honest to goodness toilet.  

Totally embarrassed, I timidly knocked on the door.  Nothing.

I knocked a bit louder. Nothing.

I rang the door bell. Nothing. 

Repeated all of above with much more vigor, many times as the urge grew stronger. Nothing.

Jan's adorable little dog (who still had a full bladder because of my predicament) was barking her head off at my noisy attempts. Nothing. 

Now if I were insecure, I could have gotten a bit concerned that this had been deliberate on Jan's part. Was she trying to tell me I had stayed too long and had locked the door behind me?? Hey, I had just gotten there! 

Maybe she was just playing a joke on me and was inside laughing her head off. That last version would have been friendlier and more sibling like. Kid sisters can be like that. She had done that very thing to me when I was in high school. 

Then reality dawned on me. My sister is hard of hearing and probably takes her hearing aids out at night to sleep so she wasn't able to hear me.  Rats, I was stuck out there till daylight. 

I was ever so grateful it was a warmish, balmy Florida night and not the single digits of Arkansas--- still it was 4:45 AM  and by now, I REALLY had to GO!!!

Bored watching palm trees sway and with my intestinal situation getting more desperate, I got my hidden car key and decided to take a ride in search of a public toilet. I was really needing relief. 

I was traveling light with no purse,no drivers license and no money except my car wash quarters.  Very cautiously and carefully obeying all speed limits, I drove around in search of something being open to solve my urgent problem.  

I eventually found a toilet at an all night convenience store. Ahhh. I bought a scratch off Lottery ticket in appreciation for the use of their facilities.  Not sure what was I thinking with that purchase? Did I think I was enjoying a fabulous sting of good luck and would win something?? Ha!! Four of my meager supply of quarters were gone. 

My view of paradise as I drove around was limited to what was visible by street lights or car headlights.  I only saw a few cars carrying wind down partiers and "walk of shame" types traveling the road at that time of night.  

Eventually the sun broke up the night so I went back to Jan's hoping  she was up. Yea!!! I saw her milling around the kitchen making coffee, unaware I had been missing. 

When she saw me outside knocking on the back door, it dawned on her what had happened. It seems that particular door was defective and always automatically locks itself.  After a brief moment of concern and apologizing for her weird door, she got the giggles and so did I.  

Did I mind my adventure?? Not a bit. It was actually funny in retrospect. No real harm was done and it did give me perfect fodder for a vacation blog post. Besides, the whole family got to enjoy my odd venture. 

I'm just thankful I hadn't gone out side in my night shirt which would have put a whole nuther spin on the story. Things could have been worse and I was happy that this time I was more victim than old lady  daffy like last time. Much easier on the ego. 

Do you save your dimmest moments for vacation times???  I seem to. Must be that getting out of my routine that sets me up for the unusual. 

Right now, I am back home and trying to adjust to the temp change from 70 degree Florida nights to the Arkansas snowy chill. As much as I really enjoyed my visit, it is also good to be home. I trust my doors.   

I really missed visiting with you all and will try to catch up with your blogs. Hope you had a great two weeks. I absolutely did.