ALL MY DIRTY SECRETS

There was a tentative knock on the door.  Hum, I thought, I am expecting no one and I do have a gate so who could it be?  When I opened the door, a really nice looking young man just stood there as if I should know him.

"May I help you?" I asked.

"I'm here for the annual termite inspection." he stated.

Now they usually call me ahead of time to arrange a day and time. I know the young men who normally do the job but this fellow was new to me.  He did have the proper truck out by the gate so I said "OK" and let him in.

If you have had a termite inspection, you know they go over the inside of your house with a flashlight looking for droppings resembling sawdust. The inspectors have the intensity of CSI investigators looking for clues. Normally when I know they are coming, I like to do a little extra cleaning in those out of the way spots.

I wasn't too upset however as I had just vacuumed and dusted the day before.  I thought all should be in pretty good shape.

At first my main concern was that he caught me braless so I spent the first few moments with my arms across my chest in a slightly hostile posture till I could slip on an over shirt. Phew.

A blessing and a curse of elder eyes is that they lie to you. They make you think you look better than you do and they definitely make you think you are a better house keeper than you are.  Hey, if you can't see it, it must not be there which goes for wrinkles, dust and pet hair.

As his 2000 Lumen beam roamed across my floors and up my walls, I was amazed at what it exposed. How on earth did cat hair get there?  How did I miss that fuzz in the corner?  Is that remnants of a spider web? Oh crap, I really meant to move the couch yesterday when I cleaned. Thank goodness I did get under the bed. Good grief, he is going into my closet! Thankfully I had just done a seasonal shifting of clothes but it still could have been a bunch better. Small houses have small closets so stacking is mandatory.

My usually defense when these fellows invade the dark corners of my home is to distract them with chatter.  So I put operation diversion into action and soon the intent frown eased from his brow and we had a fun conversation while he snooped. I kept thinking, surely he has seen worse and at least if I am nice and make him smile, he will judge me gently.

My house survived the inspection and no termite trails were discovered. Not sure what my dust bunny score was.  As soon as I finish this post, I will have mostly forgotten those flashes of embarrassment. Without that powerful flashlight exposing my cleaning flaws, they have once again disappeared.

Ok---maybe I will Swiffer the walls this afternoon.

Is your house always ready for nosy company?  Could your home pass the flashlight test right now?