Monday, November 21, 2016

ALL MY DIRTY SECRETS


There was a tentative knock on the door.  Hum, I thought, I am expecting no one and I do have a gate so who could it be?  When I opened the door, a really nice looking young man just stood there as if I should know him.

"May I help you?" I asked.

"I'm here for the annual termite inspection." he stated.

Now they usually call me ahead of time to arrange a day and time. I know the young men who normally do the job but this fellow was new to me.  He did have the proper truck out by the gate so I said "OK" and let him in.

If you have had a termite inspection, you know they go over the inside of your house with a flashlight looking for droppings resembling sawdust. The inspectors have the intensity of CSI investigators looking for clues. Normally when I know they are coming, I like to do a little extra cleaning in those out of the way spots.

I wasn't too upset however as I had just vacuumed and dusted the day before.  I thought all should be in pretty good shape.

At first my main concern was that he caught me braless so I spent the first few moments with my arms across my chest in a slightly hostile posture till I could slip on an over shirt. Phew.

A blessing and a curse of elder eyes is that they lie to you. They make you think you look better than you do and they definitely make you think you are a better house keeper than you are.  Hey, if you can't see it, it must not be there which goes for wrinkles, dust and pet hair.

As his 2000 Lumen beam roamed across my floors and up my walls, I was amazed at what it exposed. How on earth did cat hair get there?  How did I miss that fuzz in the corner?  Is that remnants of a spider web? Oh crap, I really meant to move the couch yesterday when I cleaned. Thank goodness I did get under the bed. Good grief, he is going into my closet! Thankfully I had just done a seasonal shifting of clothes but it still could have been a bunch better. Small houses have small closets so stacking is mandatory.

My usually defense when these fellows invade the dark corners of my home is to distract them with chatter.  So I put operation diversion into action and soon the intent frown eased from his brow and we had a fun conversation while he snooped. I kept thinking, surely he has seen worse and at least if I am nice and make him smile, he will judge me gently.

My house survived the inspection and no termite trails were discovered. Not sure what my dust bunny score was.  As soon as I finish this post, I will have mostly forgotten those flashes of embarrassment. Without that powerful flashlight exposing my cleaning flaws, they have once again disappeared.

Ok---maybe I will Swiffer the walls this afternoon.

Is your house always ready for nosy company?  Could your home pass the flashlight test right now?

43 comments :

  1. I don't mind if they catch me bra-less just so they don't catch me wig-less. Right now my home office is covered with blue ink from a pen my pup Frankie chewed into. Frankie still has some ink on her too. No flashlight test today please.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Annie,
      Yikes. Puppies are notorious for making a mess. Even without the big things they chew, just the pet hair alone can keep us busy.

      Delete
  2. Blimey no, my house definitely wouldn't stand up to close inspection. In fact you don't even need a torch and good eyesight to see the dust and dirt in our house.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Joey,
      All the pictures I have seen of your
      house--it looks immaculate. Photos must have filters like old eyes.

      Delete
  3. My dust bunnies keep me company and nobody is getting a chance to destroy them! Loved this, Patti. Your sense of humor is intact, I see. I'll bet it only gets better from here. Wish I could have a cup of coffee with you! :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Djan,
      Oh that would be fun. Maybe one of those cups with the pictures drawn in cream??

      Delete
  4. I spied a spider last night heading under my bed...a BIG spider. I quickly grabbed a light. Spider gone but that has prompted me to do a deep cleaning today. Last night I sprayed in the general area of the spider's path...I hope his body is removed by my vacuum today.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gail,
      Those flash lights are lethal and should be outlawed:) Hope you get the rascal. Spider bites itch for ever.

      Delete
  5. I vacuum once a week whether the house needs it or not. LOL!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. robin,
      That's the spirit:)) I've never had a case of it not needing it with pets around.

      Delete
  6. Oh, this made me laugh! I keep things pretty neat and clean, but every once in a while, I am deceived by these old eyes of mine. The other day the sun was shining very brightly into our living room. Oh my. The dust that was revealed by that very bright sunlight really surprised me.

    What did we do before swiffer? Love that it makes our cleaning a little bit easier.

    Roaches not a problem for Central NY. Instead we get to stew over the nasty snow that is coming our way (15 inches since yesterday :-(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Carole,
      A ray of sunshine is just as lethal as a high powered flashlight:)) Shocking isn't it?
      No roaches here in Ar. In Florida, they were the state critter but we do have termites here which are far more destructive.

      Delete
  7. I'm a very tidy person but I'm more inclined to name dust bunnies than vacuum them up.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Stephen,
      Ha ha, I love that. Make pets out of them. They don't need food or exercise and thrive on neglect. Think there may be a market for them.

      Delete
  8. I'm a much better housekeeper today than when I lived in a big house. Still I hate dusting and I swear the dust here looks like graphite.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Linda,
      Me too and actually was better when I worked. Now, there is always tomorrow.

      Delete
  9. I am pretty on top of keeping things neat and keeping the bathrooms and the kitchen well scrubbed, but there is always something or other collecting in out of the way corners that take me by surprise when a deep cleaning time comes around.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Olga,
      Yes, it is easier to keep the big picture tidy, it is those hide away places that get missed.

      Delete
  10. If he had typical "mans eyes" he didn't notice a thing.

    I would be more leery of "Inspectors arriving with out that pre-call alert.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Joeh,
      Sure wish I had remembered that when he was here. You are so right, most guys would never have noticed if it wasn't something he had to step over.

      Delete
  11. I figure that if someone comes into my house & inspects it for dust or dirt, it would not be polite to remove it all before their search!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran,
      Good point. Why spoil all their fun.

      Delete
  12. Whenever company is expected my spouse goes into a two day frenzy of housecleaning. It must be a female thing. Of course having Lily the GSD complicate the situation. She says it stand for German Shedding Dog...:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. TB,
      I understand where your wife is coming from and I do the same when I am forewarned.
      Pets do somehow manage to shed tons of hair and never go bald.

      Delete
  13. No and no! My mom had a saying up on her wall at home that read "come in, sit down, relax, converse, sometimes the house doesn't look like this, sometimes its even worse". I tend to live by that motto...with three cats and two messy adult kids I tend never to get caught up. Thankfully we don't have many termites here!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Eileen,
      I know I prefer to visit a relaxed home setting so I should feel the same about my house. I had a friend who put Get Well cards on the counter so people would think she had been too sick to clean.I haven't gotten that far yet.

      Delete
  14. I'm sure that in my home which seems well cleaned that there are corners and places under and behind things that never get touched. Glad I don't have to have termite inspections!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Linda R,
      Be grateful. Those flashlights are a housekeepers nightmare.

      Delete
  15. I used to always keep a very clean house, but it sure isn't company ready right now and if someone came knocking on my door, I'd probably pretend not to be at home! lol! I think if you have cats, then you're gonna have cat hair somewhere. It probably floats through the air and clings to wherever it lands. Guess I need to get some housecleaning done before Thursday, I'd hate to find a cat hair in the gravy. :)
    Happy Thanksgiving to you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cheryl,
      One of the announcers at the Westminster Dog Show once cracked me up by stating the pet owners consider pet hair a condiment.

      Delete
    2. PS, Hope you have a Happy, cat hair free, Thanksgiving dinner:))

      Delete
  16. It is very difficult to keep the house clean...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Weekend-Windup
      Especially when you have pets.

      Delete
  17. I try to keep on top of the cleaning, but I have gotten to the point where it isn't as fanatical as it used to be.
    Don't know that I would have let the guy in without some form of verification that he was who he said he was.
    One of my nephew's had his house robbed, just a short time, after having installer in that had to do work through a bedroom closet. Other valuables where not taken, but easily fenced stuff from the closet was all taken... Be careful.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Brig,
      I am so sorry your nephew was robbed. I never have been but think it must feel like a personal violation.
      My guy was driving a company truck so I'm pretty sure he was legit and it was the time of year for it. Hope I wasn't too trusting.

      Delete
  18. My niece is doing all the heavy cooking so I cam relax and send out Thanksgiving wishes to my blogger friends.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ginnie,
      Thank you and enjoy being the guest. The best way to enjoy the day.

      Delete
  19. I remedied this problem by canceling my termite insurance and my pest service. Now if I could just keep my durn internet from going whacko every three months I'd be happy. That tech is the only one left that I allow in the house. Right now we have strange men sitting in parked trucks across the road...waiting and watching for their deer dogs to go by...that creeps me out too, even though I know what they are doing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Terri,
      I assume you live in the country which does make you more vulnerable. I live on the corner of a major artery and and busy side road. Lots of traffic and alert neighbors so I feel pretty secure.

      Delete
  20. Too Funny. I don't have termite inspections which seems strange since I live in a really old house. I have to say though, I don't think I would pass the big light inspection. For a little dog, Buddy sheds a lot of hair and I know what a good inspection would probably show.

    ReplyDelete
  21. My house? No way. Gee... your termite inspectors are a LOT more thorough and ours. You should send him over here. I can see why you'd worry if they don't call ahead and warn you though. That would worry me.

    ReplyDelete
  22. No, could not pass the flashlight test. I depend heavily on that pre-scheduled appointment.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Bob keeps our place spic and span. However, we don't look under the beds unless absolutely necessary. We have a "spider man" who comes in warmer weather. Luckily, he's become a friend over the years and sometimes has a bite to eat with us. I know he peeks into places we never do, but I hope he likes us too much to judge. Hope you're feeling well, Patti.

    ReplyDelete