Monday, August 17, 2009

SEX AT 14

Sometimes you just have to laugh at someone else's pain.

I rarely watch Oprah as it is a timing thing, but on this particular day I did and it was a repeat which you may have all ready seen. I say watch, but I was listening while fixing dinner in the kitchen. Finally after about half an hour, I heard enough to rope me in. There were two fourteen year olds discussing their desire to have sex. The boy's mother and the girl's mother flanked them while Dr. Laura Berman asked the teens and parents questions.



Actually, I was impressed that the teens had not all ready had sex. They were very attractive kids who had gone steady for several months. I am aware that the age for experimentation keeps getting younger and younger. I do remember in my mid 20's being a counselor to a Tri Hi Y group of junior high girls. On a weekend camping trip to Lake Placid in Florida, we had to console a seventh grader who was streaming tears for she had just learned she was the only virgin in the group. I am pretty sure that there was a bit of untruthful bragging going on in that group.

I was barely 10 years removed from high school and in my day some girls lied that they were still a virgin while this group lied that they weren't. I thought things were moving at lightning speed then. That was almost 50 years ago and things have certainly not slowed down.


The thing that drew my attention to these kids on Oprah, was that they professed love for each other and this was not just a curiosity, experimentation thing. Kind of sweet if stupid. The boy was precious and throughout the whole interview, his ears burned bright red. I guess they had put makeup on his face but forgot his ears.

Laura asked question after question and am a bit embarrassed to admit, I actually learned some stuff. Tough to admit you are learning along with 14 year olds.

Pregnancy was brought up and both were asked what they would do if that happened. The boy said it was her decision but that abortion or adoption would be considered. He was quick with his answer and you could tell he had gone there in his mind with parental guidance.The girl looked blank on the pregnancy question and it was obvious that option had never crossed her mind.

The division how boys think and girls think became increasingly clear. The cool thing was that this was baby men and baby women before any games and deceptions are learned. They answered sincerely and honestly which was to be the downfall of the poor boy. He was about to learn that there are no good answers to some questions posed by the opposite sex.

The boy remained steadfast in his determination to unroll a condom but you could see the girl wavering. Then Dr. Laura asked the question that would nail the little boy like a bug on the end of a pin.

"How long do you expect this relationship to last?" Laura asked the red eared boy.

"I don't know," he answered not happy at all with the question. "Our relationship has no expiration date."

"About how long after you have sex?" Dr. Laura persisted.

The boy thought a while then said, "Probably six months, or a year." He said confidently. He was pretty sure that was a good answer as it was pretty long for a 14 year old relationship.

The girl's eyes rolled back in her head and her mouth dropped open.

Dr. Laura looked at the girl, smiled and said, " And you were thinking forever weren't you?" to which the girl nodded.

The boy's goose was cooked. He got his first lesson that honesty is not always going to get you what you want with us women. His down fall was rapid. The girl decided she definitely wanted out of teenage sex to which the audience of mostly women gave her a standing ovation.

It was not nice to laugh at pain but I couldn't help it. The boy looked beaten as he realized that Christmas was not coming this year and that he had personally killed Santa.

Thank goodness there are few teenagers in my family at present and can only sympathize with you if you have them close by. Scary thought people but remember that "how long question" and use it if necessary. It is a " we want to take it to the next step" puppy-love deflator. Hopefully, they won't have seen the show.

You're welcome.


18 comments :

  1. I'm like you. OPRAH is not a convenient watch. I got burnt out on her some last season, anyway.

    I must admit she is a survivor as far as talk shows go.

    I am reading your current post but my bloglist shows both your and my previous posts.

    I get your current blog by clicking on the NAME of your blog and not your post--same on mine.

    Glad I put my own blog on the blog list so I could see what is going on. I think the gadget must be timed to check for posts, i.e., it is not instant.

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  2. nitwit,
    Not only is it not instant, it is sometimes days behind on some of the blogs I follow. Hope it gets straightened out. Hate to have to access the whole list, one by one to catch new posts.
    It seems to mostly effect the newer bloggers. Oh well.

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  3. I wonder why 14 year old girls expect a "forever" answer to the question of "how long." I wish we were much healthier about sex and sexuality in our culture. One of my favorite lines, and I can't remember where I read it years and years ago: Sex is dirty and you save it for the one you love.

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  4. If I wanted to date when I was 14 let alone anything else, my parents would have had a cow! I see a lot of babies bringing up babies, well actually it usually ends up with Grandma taking care of the baby. It's tough enough for adults to have long lasting relationships!
    Have a lovely day.
    Sunny :)

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  5. And this is why communication is soo important with our children.

    enJOY your day!

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  6. I saw that show too. I really did appreciate the honesty that both young people brought to the discussion. I have to admit I am happy my daughters are grown. They had a lot of peer pressure when they were teens but somehow were able to think for themselves.

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  7. Gee robin, I expected "forever" at 10 when I was just necking. :)
    That is a good saying if sex were dirty which I don't believe but neither do I believe it belongs in the hands of a 14 year old who can't imagine the responsibilities of pregnancy nor the real possiblities of disease. Many kids have never even had the "sex talk".

    Sunny,
    Yes, there are babies having babies that are too often raised by grandparents. That is why today, open discussion is so important.

    Cheffie Mom,
    The boy's parents had been very open with the young man, not so much the mother of the girl. You are so right, if you love them, talk to them.

    oklhdan,
    It is so tough being a teen for the pressure is so great, such as the poor 7th grader I had to counsel. Glad yours made it so well.

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  8. It's a shame kid's aren't kid's anymore......bring back the days of riding bikes till dark, playing cricket and just being a kid....

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  9. I saw that show, and I admit to being thrilled when the girl saw that her love might be constant and ling-lived, but his wasn't. He sure cooked his goose, didn't he?!

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  10. Amanda,
    You are so right. Kids today in their hurry to be an adult, just don't realize how much they will miss "youth" once the resposibility of adulthood has to be carried around with them. Guess we all need to appreciate the "Right Now" in our lives.

    kenju,
    Thanks Judy, you got the same thing I did out of the show. It was cool seeing how the minds of the different sexes worked without the baggage of experience.

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  11. hahaha poor boy. sorry for laughing. not that i find the story funny because it's real. i am laughing on the way how you put the words together.

    before i started to have periodic ritual and it happened when i was 15, both my parents had already tucked us in a spin (my sister and I) in a bin of Sex Education. Yes, they were our very first teacher in Sex Education in the way that didn't sound awful or malicious. We listened intently and with seriousness as they talked to us with understanding. Why? because we were already aware of what was going on around us at the time, considering the old fashioned ways people lived in those days, yet, yet, there were few cracks happening in between in such a small town.

    I did the same to my girls. But in all efforts, I always prayed for their safety especially I was alone to raise them up and as I was working I could not be there all the time to watch them. I trusted them and they knew that.

    It's a shame I cannot watch Oprah like I used to. My TV's connection (just the cord) is loose and I cannot be bothered. I spend more time with blogs.

    I love your humour.

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  12. Thank you Bonnie. Humor was what I was going for.
    I am sure having children makes the whole subject serious to most. Both you and your parents were so smart to give your children the information they needed about sex. After that, you can only trust the kids and pray for good results.

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  13. Hi there, We're home from our 2-day Hendersonville adventure. The plumbing is fixed and the folks are happy (I hope).

    I quit watching Oprah and even Dr. Phil since I almost became addicted to daytime TV. There's so much depressing stuff out there---and I just don't need that, nor want that.

    It's a different world now than it was even when i raised my sons. I admire my son and daughter-in-law in Texas --who are raising two teen girls. For them it's all about total communication. They are VERY involved in their girls' lives --and they keep them busy with sports and other activities. They discuss sex with their girls --and I'm sure they are discouraging allowing them to be in situations where sex can happen.

    Call me old-fashioned---but I'd rather teens WAIT.... There's so much out there these days emphasizing sex that it's no wonder that teens think it's perfectly okay. Guess I'm just OLD. ha

    Blogger has been horrible recently, hasn't it???? I always post at 4 a.m. --and sometimes it doesn't come out on Blogger til 8 a.m. or later. GADS!

    Hugs,
    Betsy

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  14. Hi Betsy,
    So glad you and George could solve the problem.
    Blogger is maddening. My posts do not show up on the blog roll till a day later. Oh well it is free.
    I agree with waiting. Adulthood and all the responsibilites comes way too soon and stays "forever" when it gets here. Kids should be just kids as long as possible.
    Your son is very smart and caring to be so involved. Guess he inherited it huh.

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  15. Thanks for this post, Patti! I can say that I was not ready for sex at that age. In fact I was very careful, because I had learnt at an early age, though not by my own experience, that sex can be a horrible thing. In our Japanese concentration camp, twenty girls in the age group between 14 and 20, were taken away by the Japs, to serve as comfort girls. My mum told me about sex, so that when it was my turn, I would know what was going on. I hated it, and it took a long time to realize that this was not going to happen to me.

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  16. Oh Wil, I am so very sorry. What a dreadful experience you had to be aware of such abuse in that awful internment camp.
    That type of sex goes into a whole nuther catagory. I will never understand how soldiers think war justifies dreadful behavior.
    I am amazed you even allowed your husband close enough to you to produce children.
    You have overcome so much, I am in awe of you. God bless you.

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  17. Wow.. Oprah has some interesting shows off-late I see.. Its been a while since I watchedit.
    I was hooked to your post. Lovely writing & a point to ponder at the end. Discussions often bring so many untold/assumed facts to the forefront.

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  18. lostworld
    Thank you so much for stopping by TNS. Will pop over to your blog now.

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