Monday, March 22, 2010


I mentioned Jack in my last post. He was almost heroic or at least romantic in his quickness to come to my aid and to protect me. But as I told Grayquill, there was a separate, strange story of Jack.

I almost hesitate to tell this story for it really confirms my pitiful ability to pick a guy. In fact, too bad I wasn't able to blog years ago for I am really seeing a pattern here. Kind of late but answers are always welcome even if they are tardy.

Jack had an office in the same building where I worked. He was an architect, partnered with one of the premier architects in Florida at the time. He was George Clooney handsome, Cary Grant smooth and almost twice my age. I was 19 and he was 36.

I probably ought to state here that age 19 in the late 50's carried all the worldliness of a 12 year old today. We just hadn't been exposed to much. Movies were tame by today's standards, profanity still made us blush, and "Leave it to Beaver" didn't broaden our horizons much. Romance was heavy necking at a drive in movie with a boy who was finally outgrowing his acne. It was a simpler time.

Jack started courting me shortly after I started to work at the answering service. My room mate who was engaged to her convict and worked in the same office with me, was green with envy. He was, except for age, a total catch. He took my breath away.

Jack showed me a whole new aspect of dating. Restaurants on the ocean with dim lighting and piano bars, romantic boat rides in the moonlight, dancing to live bands in far off cities, were all new to me. Just about all my money went for clothes for I really had no wardrobe for this type of date. I was more geared in my closet for movies, pizzas or rollerskating.

I didn't drink on dates at that time of course, but we went places where drinking was part of the entertainment. Rock and Roll took a back seat to mellow, slow dancing tunes. When not swaying to the music, we talked long and easily about subjects with depth. He actually seemed to care what I thought and totally listened. I adored this amazing man. Wow, I was in an adult relationship.

Well almost adult. The odd thing is that he was very non-aggressive romantically. We kissed and cuddled but that was all. Truthfully, I was feeling a bit odd and wondered if there were something wrong with me that he didn't at least "try".

We had been going together for several months when he hit me with the strangest offer I have ever had. Yes, even stranger than my pimp wannabe's offer. We were at his lovely home, it was a cold Florida evening and there was a fire in the fireplace. And yes, there really was an honest to God bear skin rug that we were cuddling on. The guy knew how to set a scene.

The mood was perfect when he asked me to marry him. That would have made a nice romantic story but what came next completely floored me. Before I could answer, the rest of his proposition burst the beginnings of a grand and glorious bubble.

Jack became almost business like. I would have to be examined by a doctor to be certain there were no physical problems with me becoming pregnant. He calmly stated he would take me to Illinois to be married and to live, where his family was socially prominent. His father was prominent in politics and his family was quite wealthy.

Then if I would give him a child within a year, grant him equal custody, he would then divorce me, making sure our child and I were well provided for. He would introduce me to the cream of Illinois society and he was sure I could find a suitable husband rather quickly. He wanted an heir and I guess my genes suited him.

I thought he was kidding but he wasn't. He was virtually looking for a brood mare with similar values and reasonable intelligence, though my convict episode might have dampened his zeal a bit. That proposition pretty much killed my romantic dreams about him. However I would be lying if I told you that I didn't consider it for more than a moment.

I tried to convince myself that perhaps once we were married, that silly notion of his would pass and we could be a normal married couple. I would be able to change his mind, oh yeah. That was purely unworldly, naive, 19 year old thinking. Even I eventually saw the holes in that premise.
He did like me and saw me as a suitable egg donor but he did not love me.

When he would not abandon his conditions, we did break up. I just could not agree to the bizarre request. I wanted more than temporary.

Five months after we broke up, he was killed in a single car accident. He had been drinking and hit a bridge abutment. His lady passenger, perhaps a new recruit, survived. I couldn't help but mourn. He was my first almost grown up love, strange though it was.

Today, I realize he was possibly gay and needed a child to satisfy his father. This was decades before "Will and Grace." I had no clue. Perhaps there was another reason.

What do you think his motive was ??


  1. I'm so glad you said "neigh" to his brood mare offer!!! I just love reading your posts. Add my morning coffee...makes for a great day. Thanks!!!

  2. Patti, the first thing that came into my mind was:"Oh, this quy was probably gay!" Great that you were so sensible to end the relationship! Nowadays there are even stranger situation.

  3. So THAT'S why guys call us "chicks," huh?

    I think you've nailed the reason. Good grief, he must have been a tortured soul to spend all of that time plotting!

    Michael Jackson took a page from that book, didn't he.

  4. Good grief, you have come across some interesting characters. Shows something of your strength of character that you have navigated through them with what appears to be some grace and style.

  5. Gah...Patti...that is one weird story. I feel reasonably certain he was gay, but dang what a way he had with his women....given that he had probably done this before. My life was tame as all get out compared to yours.

    Loved the line about the 19 year olds being about as sophisticated as 12 year olds today. That made me laugh...because it is so true.

  6. Bizarre! Wierdo..Yes I too think he was gay & couldn't be open about it. Even today many ppl are scared to be frank about their sexuality so that must be it. I admire the guy for just 1 thing - he came clean with his "requirements".

  7. That is EXACTLY what I thought... He was GAY--and didn't know how to handle it. He needed a wife and child to 'prove' his heterosexuality. There's just no other explanation... Glad you said NO to his proposition. Yipes!!!!


  8. turquoisemoon,
    Cute play on words. Thanks. I am so glad my posts go well with coffee. Pretty sure they are less fattening than a donut.

    Reader Wil,
    You are so right. There are a lot of women in similar marriages with no knowledge of it. Famous people are always getting caught.

    I guess he couldn't come right out with that proposition. He had to hopefully get the woman to want to agree.

    I do attract them don't I? It could give a girl a complex. It is a hazy world out there.

    Amber Star,
    He really had a ton of charm and knew how to win a heart.
    Sadly that line is too true. We weren't models of sophistication in those days.

    You latched onto an important part. He was honest up front about his plans. Some guys today pull the same stunt, they just don't let the women know.I feel very lucky.

    We have a boat load of celebrities doing the same thing today. At least Jack was honest about his intentions. I am grateful for that.

  9. Yep, I'd say he was gay! Almost the exact same scenario happened to my daughter only he didn't tell her in advance.

  10. I think you were probably right about him. These days, he would probably have been accepted by the first woman he asked. Money talks.

  11. I'm sure he was gay and had not come out to his family. I feel rather sorry for him that he had to resort to such tactics rather than being honest with his family and with you. Glad you refused his offer - you may have been young but your instincts were right.

  12. I would be fairly certain he was gay. Too bad he didn't just tell you that - but of course back then - he would not.

  13. Well, I'm not sure what I think. He probably was gay I suppose. He must have been under extreme pressure from family to marry and produce an heir. That's very sad. I think I'm glad he was honest about what he wanted. At least that gave you a chance to get out of the relationship. That would have been awful to have married him and then found out. Relationships in life really are complicated aren't they? I'm glad you escaped intact emotionally from that relationship. What a situation for a 19 year old to be in.

  14. A very interesting post, I can see... thanks for sharing!
    Have a nice day.. best regards, Claire

  15. I don't have a clue, Patti, but I think I agree with the idea that he "needed" a child -- for what reason, nefarious or otherwise, I can only imagine. Thank goodness you had the sense to turn down his offer.

  16. Hell if I know...I and my Daughter spend quiet a bit of time trying to figure out what some certain persons will do when some situation arises....One thing we have learned is.'If the person is crazy , you can never figure out what they will do'...In this case he was crazy and you can't figure out why he was wanting that...In my openion you should of had him throw in a large bunch of money and took him up on the offer....or took the money and ran...

  17. oklhdan
    Oh gee, I hope she didn't marry him. Sadly, there is a lot of that going around. I am ever grateful for Jack's honesty.

    Well today, he could have even said why it was important and not raised an eyebrow. Though I hate the thought, you are right, some today would have jumped at the chance.

    Times were differnt then. Today that would not be frowned upon, he could be open and find what he wanted.

    You are so right. It is the change in times that would make a difference. Now days, he could just put an ad on Craig's List.

    His honesty was his strong suit. There are women in such marriages today that didn't have a clue. I will always appreciate his being above board.

    Thank you and back at ya.

    Obviously a child was his only concern though he did promise to care for us financially. I sometimes wonder if it weren't a condition of his own inheritance.

    4th Sister,
    There are a bucket load of women who would probably do that, I'm just not one of them. Too close to prostitution and the child would feel the most pain.

  18. Today I would opt for the paragraph preceeding the question.

    He may not have even known it himself in those days.

    we will never know, but I'm glad you did not agree to such a terrible proposal.

    I worked with a lady whose first marriage was for appearance only but did not realize it. She had a son by the guy but his behavior and secret life soon came to light. However she certainly had empathy for him, his lifestyle, etc.

    These behaviors still happen, but so much now with the more open society.

  19. I wondered, while reading this, if he might have been gay. He may not have even "come out" to himself yet. It was not an easy time (still isn't) to be gay. It was an interesting proposition, not romantic, but quite affirming of your good genes and good sense and good looks!

  20. Nitwit,
    You are right, he may not have known. There are marriages like that out there and had he not been so up front, I may have been one of them. I am grateful he gave me all the info needed to make a decision.

    Fifty years ago, our society was really closed. He must have been a tortured soul. I love your version but I am sure my youth and naivety were big factors in his selection of me.

  21. I thought I dated all the weirdos in the world I guess I missed one.
    This is very strang and wish we knew the truth behind the real reason.
    Not sure about the gay thing but could of course be wrong. Most gay men are loving and sensitive so I don't know.
    Maybe his family would not have him in their will unless he settled down and married...
    Odd very odd
    thanks for sharing

  22. Him 36 you 19 - sorry, that creeps me out. I gotta give the guy credit for being upfront and honest. But, I have to call him a major shmuck for wanting to father a child into a divoriced family.
    Gay? Probably. My hats off to you... that 19 year old left her fantasies behind and stepped into the adult world. Thanks for sharing this - you are the best!

  23. Well you must have been slightly devastated at the time to think you had been dating someone who didn't feel as you thought they did about you, I know I would have been.

  24. Grandma yellow hair,
    All I can say is that you missed a bunch for I had a load of them. All we can do is laugh about them huh.
    I too thought that perhaps his producing an heir would insure his own inheritance.

    He definately had some shmuckiness about him. Honesty was his only redeaming feature.
    Glad you made the trip to Pimpville. Yes, at the time with both men, I was crushed but many years later, I can see only the humor. However if either type glummed on to a family member today, I would not be laughing.

    Linda Star,
    At the time, I was crushed for quite a while. I had high school loves but this was my first adult romance. It put a big dent in my trust factor for a long time.

  25. Gee....I have no idea, though your thought about him being gay and needing to satisfy his father certainly could have been the case, back then....
    You have had more interesting experiences Patti---Truly. This one is fascinating because of the time frame....I mean the "period"....things certainly were different back then, I you said, simpler...Though Jack's proposition was not exactly simple, at all. Sad that he was killed like that....!

  26. OOLOH
    Times really were different. Thinking was completely different. Bigotry was just beginning to be damned in the open. We have come so far but are no where near where we should be. The recent events in politics makes that all too clear. I wonder if we will ever get it right as human beings.