Monday, April 19, 2010


Feel free to laugh at me, I am.

Minnie has suddenly gone from a sweet loving, affectionate cat to an animal that I will pluck off my lap and put gently to the floor with a desperate, "please go away". No, I can't be mean to her though I guess my constant rejection is in effect mean, but I can't help it. My primal instinct is to throw her through the door without opening it first.

You see, she has suddenly developed the most outrageous case of gas I have ever been around. Now I am not talking an occasional little poot every now and then. I am talking weapon of mass destruction. They are silent and lethal. She is big time aiding global warming with her methane gas donations.

She looks innocent here doesn't she. Well if I were better with the computer, there would be a giant toxic blue cloud erupting from her ass. I am not exaggerating, it makes one's eyes water. The worst of her offensive behavior occurred last week when the pollen count was super high and though I don't have severe allergies, it is more comfortable sneeze-wise if I keep the windows closed when pollen is high. Conundrum.

My house is very small, air tight and fills up with her noxious gas very quickly. I am trapped with this de-clawed house cat that cannot go out doors. Swear to God, it got so bad, it actually set off my carbon monoxide detector. The mechanical voice screamed "Warning Carbon Monoxide", accompanied with shrill blasts.

I thought that couldn't be possible but when I got my computer back and checked with Wikipedia, methane is an asphyxiant and may displace oxygen in an enclosed place. Yikes, my cat was displacing my oxygen. So open went the windows and out came the Benadryl. Guess it is better to have your eyes water from pollen than methane gas.

Of course, I immediately rushed her to the veterinarian for a check up. It smelled like something crawled up her and died. She had no parasites , anals are good and no blockages. He pronounced her healthy but most likely needing a change in food.

I had recently changed her regular dry food as her particular formula was no longer carried by the store. I had replaced it with the same brand but a slightly different formula. Anymore there are so many formulas that you can almost get a food dependant on your cat's color.

Minnie had come from a sad place when I found her or rather, she found me. She had been so emaciated that I could only feed her a tablespoon of food each hour so that she could hold her food down. So she has a delicate digestive system. Obviously.

So far with some really expensive grub, she is at least livable with and she hasn't set off the alarm recently. She now only has occasional poots that waft around me but do not fill the house. It does seem there is a direct correlation between her episodes of gas and desire for affection.

Out of kindness, I am refusing all visitors for the time being. However, where are those annoying door to door salesmen, politicians, or religious recruiters when you need one? It would be such fun to lure one in to my gas chamber just to watch their reaction. Would they be polite? Would they still go for the sales pitch? Pretty sure even a burglar would leave empty handed right now.

I am hopeful in time I can get her back to her sweet smelling self. If not, perhaps I can find some nice person with really bad sinuses who would love an adorable cat. That would be an odd classified ad to phrase however. "Wanted, home for a lovely spayed, de-clawed house cat. New owner must be mouth breather with no sense of smell."

If none of the above work, I am stuck with her. I made the commitment. Are nail implants possible? I just hope this smell doesn't cling to my clothes like cigarette smoke. Guess I will know if I start clearing the aisles at Walmart.

Wish me luck.


  1. Welcome back ..
    and ha ha ha... Very funny post.. Hope Minnie is fine now :)

  2. It must be have been awfully bad, if her little 'releases' were setting off the detector! Hope it's a temporary thing, for your mental and physical health, Patti!

  3. I use a charcoal filtered mask when I paint. Maybe you could try wearing one. :)

    An Arkies Musings

  4. Poor Minnie. She must not feel so good if her emissions are that toxic. Hopefully, the new food will do the trick, and she'll be back to her sweet-smelling self. Good luck to both of you.

  5. I have a co-worker who has the same issues as Minnie......I think I've actually seen that blue cloud in his office.

  6. You made me laugh so hard reading this post. What a wonderful way to share a stinky situation. I hope Minnie is all better now and your place is smelling better.

    Thank you, for your kind words about me on Maggie's Blogazine. I am now following your blog and looking forward to reading more great posts. Hugs!

  7. sonal,
    Thank you and glad you came to laugh at me--ah--with me. She is not as bad as she was but still has a way to go yet.

    It ranked right up with close up skunk experience. I have spent much of my time indoors with my nose stuffed in my shirt. What we do for love.

    OOh,ooh, you give me an idea. How about a charcoal filtered diaper for Minnie? Good idea. If I patent it, I'll split with you.

    The great thing, I guess, is that she is in no misery, just me. She is quite playful, eats well, and has no pain for it doesn't stay trapped in her. So glad I can be of service.

    Oh lordy,how dreadful. I at least love my cat, can't imagine having to put up with this via a co-worker. You have my sympathies.

    I really enjoyed your contribution to the Blogazine. Great job you did and really admire what you have done with your life. A good heart is the greatest gift and you are truly blessed.

  8. Oh girl I feel for ya. 'Ain't nothin' worse that cat gas, unless it's cat gas in a closed area! I sure hope a change in diet works her.

    You have a beautifully blessed week free of toxic odors!

  9. Oh are a hoot....I have 4 cats and would that be bad if that happened to our cats? Hasn't yet though!!
    Minnie is a sweet looking cat...get her some real catnip mousie...She would have a blast and leave you alone for a while....LOL
    And, no I was NOT dumpster diving...I still have some problems once in a while with my left shoulder however.
    Have a great day...

  10. ess, that is too funny. WE had a dog once that could pass some good ones, and usually as the company was leaving and everyone was standing at the front door, then everyone would look around at one another and I explained the dog's problem. They probably thought yeah right lady. As for me, I have lost my sense of smell, so I could be around her, but if she's taking the oxygen from the air, I might very well pass out from lack of. LOL Good luck, hope the new formula (FOOD) is working for her and you.

  11. Hilarious post. But now so hilarious to live with. Hope kitty gets some food that agrees with her soon.

  12. Nezzy,
    You know it. When the windows are open, life is not all bad. Today has been her best in 10 days. I'm hoping.

    Mercy, if this smell were mulitplied by 4--I would have to move. May all your cats have peaceful digestive systems.

    Even in the midst of this, I can chuckle. Would be better if it were someone else however, someone I don't know.

    Dogs have impeccable timing don"t they. Cats just let er rip. I'll keep you in mind if she doesn't get better. As long as you have a normal sized house, I'm sure she wouldn't get all the oxygen.

    You are right. It is much better in the telling than the living but I have faith it will soon be a funny memory. Keep your toes crossed.

  13. Hehehehehe....that is too funny.
    My cat's have had gas but little puffs of pwet nothing that Minnie must be having some serious digestion probs hehehehehe....poor you...

    Hey try sleeping in the same room as a farting rottweiler who snores and has nightmares ;-)'ve got it easy

  14. What a hilarious sequence of events!!! As if humans aren't enough to 'pollute' the air. Maybe you can both compete;-)heehaw!

  15. my sweet Isadora has the most foul breath - thanks to her gum problems

    on top of that she often burps in my face

    perhaps she and Minnie could be used as weapons!?

  16. Oh My Lordy...That is a difficult situation, My Dear. I hope the change in Food will solve this problem....Poor you, and Poor Minnie....You do have the great sense of humor Patti....You can turn the worse disaster into a funny!

  17. Oh Patti,

    That was very funny. Funny too because..., we have a similar problem in the shape of an adorable bundle of black fur that is becoming a frequent visitor. This little character is less than half the size of Ginger, and is still a kitten. She is driving the poor fellow to distraction at the moment, as she follows him around like a howling teenager mobbing an aging rock star. The thing is, whilst she is adorable, she has the amazing capacity to clear a room with gas! I thought her case was unique, but I see that Minnie has it too. Do you think there is enough gas to be useful? Like firing a kiln, or vermin proofing a barn! I'd swear that the gas must come close to being of interest to the military, or at least to the police for riot control!
    I think you had better look at getting some breathing gear, like what the fire department use for going into smoke filled buildings. Good luck!

  18. Luckie occasionallu toots a bit but so far no alarms except my expletives.

    I changed her food with no ill effects at all. Just served it up to her one day. Went from Pedigree to Beneful weight control. didn't even mix it.

    I have a bulk amount of masks. I can spare quite few...Let me know.

  19. Amanda,
    I can relate. I once had a Great Dane that only slept with me shortly. He snored, passed gas, stole the covers and shoved me with all four feet.
    Anyone in bed with me doing that has to pay the mortgage at least.

    Minnie could put a cow to shame as far a polluting goes. I need to give her "green" lessons:)

    I think we should contact the Defence dept. Pretty sure we are harboring lethal weapons.:)

    Thanks, Minnie is far from healed but is much better. All I can do in this case is laugh.

    Thank you so much. I was feeling so alone with my problem and you have made me feel better. Misery does love company.
    Sounds like your family is growing. Isn't that how Ginger started by just dropping by? Good luck with the gas.
    If only we could power a generator with it huh.

    Luckie must not have a sensitive stomach. Mighty nor Mickey do but Minnie has a pip of one.
    May check out those masks. Wonder if I could cut a hole for the tail and put it over her butt?

  20. My son once had a dog with that problem, plus horrible breath. We simply couldn't be in the same room with her and she was such a sweet dog that we hated to banish her. I know she needed better food, but at the time, he was a student and couldn't really afford to spend more.

  21. kenju
    Ouch, double stink. I know how you feel. Wise me would put her outside and hope for the best but she is just too nice and had been through too much to not do all that I can to get us through this.

  22. Oh, my! I can empathize! I've not had a cat "with a problem" but once had a darling little Boston Terrier that could make one run from the room with eyes streaming! Loved him, anyway, but sometimes it was difficult. I hope Minnie's innards will be sweetened with a new diet.

  23. Pat,
    Yes, you can understand. She is a bit better but we are going back to the vet today to see if I can get her some probotics to sweeten the system.

  24. OMG Patti, I'm on the floor laughing!
    In the past couple of months our oldest cat has almost asphyxiated our household. It's not from gas but, well how do I say it politely?...her poop! I am surprised that the litter box doesn't glow in the dark from her toxic waste! If the box isn't cleaned the second she is done, our other cat starts to scream meow like she is possessed!
    I'm so happy that I'm not the only one running to open a window! LOL
    Sunny :)

  25. Sunny,
    Oh I do feel for you. Hate to tell you but Minnie started out with stinky poops before progressing to gas. Change in diet has really helped. I'll hop over to your site to let you know what is working. Sure burns the eyes doens't it?