Thursday, February 3, 2011

WHEN FACEBOOK WORKS


I have a young friend here in my tiny town. We would do and have done what ever the other needed in time of crisis. Jewels is 40 to my 71 but we have a really nice friendship.

Jewels has had a really rough couple of years. Part of that has been from going through a horrendous year health wise suffering from, Tularemia complications and still isn't totally well. The other part was still being in the process of ending a 15 year marriage.

I met Jewels in my cancer support group and she is the baby of our bunch. We all have kind of taken her under our collective aging wings. She had still been married to Lee when I first moved here. He's a neat , good looking guy that we all liked and she adored.

They were married for 15 years when he suffered metal poisoning from his work that altered his personality drastically and permanently. They painfully separated after I got here and while remaining friends, they could no longer live under the same roof. The poisoning had made him take a violent turn he could not control. The whole story was just a tragic, unfixable shame.

Lee moved out of state and for 3 years, while still married on paper, she lead a quiet life not dating anyone. Then Facebook reared its massive head. Jewels is not on FB but one of her college friends who is, mentioned that one of Lee's fraternity brothers, Dan had found her on Facebook and he had been asking about Jewels. Did Jewels want to be put in contact with him?

She remembered Dan fondly. He had been a good friend to both her and Lee in college but at the time she was completely besotted with Lee. Dan had not been thought of since. However not so with Dan. He had thought of her all these years and had never married.

Jewels told her friend she wouldn't mind emailing Dan and so they started a cyber relationship. They then burned up the electronic and phone lines, totally amazed at how much they had in common and enjoyed each other.

However one night she called me saying that she may have gotten in over her head. Dan wanted to meet and frankly, she was scared. It wasn't like they could just meet for coffee for he lived in Oklahoma. It would take one of them making the long 6 hour trip and if all went well, stay for several days.

I preceded to tell her about when I was first divorced. I had come out of an emotionally abusive marriage and was in no mood to think about a relationship. I virtually did not date for a year. When I finally met a guy I cared enough to date, all I could think of was that I had been such a fool to have waited so long and had wasted a year of my life. Telling Jewels that seemed to push her off the fence about meeting Dan.

She decided to go to Oklahoma so that if things didn't work out, she had the option to leave. As she started making plans for the trip, she was fine but I wasn't. I started getting worried about what I had encouraged.

What if the guy was some sort of pervert that was just looking for a sex slave he could chain up in the basement for the next 10 years, who got his jollies punching women or had thoughts of selling her to the Orient. After all,she hadn't seen him in about 20 years.

Think you can tell I watch “Criminal Minds” too much. However, I would be carrying an intolerable a burden of guilt if this went horribly wrong. I was quite worried and voiced my fears. The encourager became the discourager.

I remembered Ted Bundy and how he was such a clean cut, handsome man that I would have probably accepted a ride from him in those days without concern. Sometimes the deranged are not easy to spot. She assured me that he seemed quite normal but I made her promise to contact me when she got there.

I was quite uneasy till I heard from her. When she did contact me, she said he was as she remembered and was wonderful beyond her expectations. I wasn't really at ease however till she came back home safely. Now I am good.

Right now she is back and so far, her feet are not touching the ground. This child has had a lot of pain in her life for way too long from illness and heartbreak. It is so good to see how this relationship is progressing and bringing her such joy. It is about time.

Dan was snowed in by the big storm in Oklahoma or he would be here now. Hopefully today he can get out. I am pretty sure this will not be a long distance relationship for very long. He is thinking of relocating here. If this works into something long term, that will be amazingly wonderful. If it does not, she at least now has the confidence to reach out and try. She is no longer afraid and is ready to move on.

I am no fan of Facebook and will never join. Blogging has some anonymity. With Facebook, you are out there and so is your personal information for the owners to either sell or not to sell.

As a comedian once said about FB, if those "friends" are not in my life now, there might be a good reason." I had to agree since I tend to hang on to those I care about.

This time however, I think FB did something that could not have been accomplished with out it. So in this instance, I salute you Facebook. Ya done good.

Are you on Facebook and has it brought someone special into your life?


49 comments :

  1. I do have a Facebook account and I check it once a week and then chamge my pasword. It does keep me in touch with family and a few friends, though.

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  2. Facebook keeps me in touch with the people in my life who live in my old home town, my family members across the nation, and people I don't see every day. It is a bit addicting.

    I met my husband in 1991 on line (there was no FB then) on a newsgroup. We started emailing, then talking on the phone, and then visiting. We have been together for twenty years now, and it's been wonderful.

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  3. Yes, I am on FB and for one who has moved away from home to different states, it is a way to keep in touch with friends from all aspects of my life; high shcool, my college sorority sisters, family and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I don't keep up with it a great deal but I try to get on every couple of days just to make sure everyone is okay!

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  4. hmmm...are these the people that don't seem to be able to shop, gas their car, stand in a line, eat, (gulp)drive, see a movie, etc without their ipod(whatever it's called) in hand???

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  5. I do not have a Facebook account. I have a problem with personal information out there. Before I retired, my junior high students begged me to get on facebook.
    For me, it is like jumping off a high board in to a pool; I'm not there yet.

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  6. Surprisingly (to me!) I am on Facebook. I'm not much of a sharer--I figure folks already hear too much from me via my blog, but I love seeing what my family and friends post. I learn what city my son is working in, read tidbits about my daughter's high school friends who used to be regulars at our house, seeing what other blog friends are doing. Some have their accounts in their blog names.

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  7. I'm on FB, but I am mostly a lurker. I enjoy watching others play. Maybe once a week I will join in some of the convos but most of the time I just sit back and let my friends and family be silly. As to having to do FB, I do know some who would collapse if they couldn't get to FB but then I know some who do the same on the blogosphere too. I hope your friend's relationship brings her nothing but joy. We all need a good dose of joy in whatever container it comes in.....The Olde Bagg, Linda Happy Chinese New Year of the Rabbit.

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  8. I am on Facebook. Most of my friends there are fellow bloggers, a couple of high school buddies, and my family. I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook, but it does provide a great way to keep in touch with people, and to pretty much converse with them in real time. There are some aspects of it that are creepy, but all of my privacy settings are as blocked as they can be.

    I'm glad you friend Jewel has reconnected with someone. That's quite a sad story about the metal poisoning. What a sad way to lose love.

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  9. Good luck to your friend. I'm a real sucker for a good love story. I hope this turns into that.

    I'm on Facebook and wish I'd never heard of it.

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  10. I am not on Facebook and probably won't ever be--until I stop blogging.. Blogging is all that I can handle these days. However all of my kids/grands are on Facebook --and keep begging me to join... So far, I've refused....

    Great story hopefully with a very good ending...
    Hugs,
    Betsy

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  11. I'm not on Facebook and don't care to be, though I know a lot of people who are. I'm sure it has good and bad things about it - I'm just not interested. But I'm glad your friend has good things happening in her life because if it. That's great.

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  12. You are a good 'mother hen', Patti. One never knows what's lurking on the other side of an Internet connection. I worry about young folks who don't yet have enough common sense and caution about the unknown. However, I know several success stories, one of them being very close to home. My granddaughter has been married for over 10 years to a wonderful fellow that she first met online. I'm happy for Jewels, and hope everything goes well.

    I have a FB account, but go there only when I'm notified that I have a message from someone I already know personally. I'm not much into social networking.

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  13. I joined recently, met some new cousins too, mostly just keeping blog friends and regular friends updated.

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  14. What a sweet story. I hope things work out for her.
    I have a facebook account. I'm happy with it. I have found old friends and out of touch family members and we are now able to keep in touch better. I've read of deaths, births and illnesses I may not have known about without facebook. And I also read about great things that happen to my friends and family. I don't put a lot of personal things on facebook and I keep it on Private.

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  15. I have tried Facebook and did not care for it. Wishing the very best for your friend. Hugs

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  16. This is a wonderful story. I love your stories.

    I'm on facebook, and the experience has it high spots and low. I am connected to old classmates and family members in ways that really neat through facebook. At times though, I get a bit tired of some of the foolishness of some and just ignore their postings for a time.

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  17. I have a FB account and it has been a good way to keep up with friends and family that I don't get to see often. That said I do have it on private.
    Good for your friend, I hope that all works out beautifully with the new beau. Glad she has you to watch over her.

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  18. I do hope the relationship works out for your friend ♥ and yes, I am on FB and enjoy keeping up with my family and friends and being reacquainted with a few school friends. I try to be careful.

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  19. I was on Facebook for a while. I found that it worked great at what I originally joined for - preparing for a high school reunion. Then it seemed as if people just got downright silly posting things like "I'm at work and missing my sweet hubby." If you're at work you shouldn't be on Facebook and for heavens sake who wants to know you're missing the husband you saw 2 hours ago...and who believes you really are? Then I had someone in my community want to friend me and who was quite persistent about it. I didn't want this person having any more information about me than was already in the public domain so I got off Facebook. That was months ago. I might rejoin and only have a family group but then again maybe I'll just call them more often. blessings, marlene

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  20. I do not do Facebook, honestly I just didn't want to start something else to eat up my time. My kid's keep pushin' me sayin' "Mom,the whole dang family is on facebook."
    I'm still avoidin' it like the plague.

    God bless and have a warm fuzzy kinda day sweetie!!!

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  21. I love Facebook, and have reconnected with many old friends. I wish all the best for Jewels.

    An Arkies Musings

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  22. Well telling here if you're on FB just adds another link to the social net that is out there. Bloggers are just as much out there. Google buzz has enabled that and so has the sharing of videos and pictures.
    I'm happy for your friend. I also enjoyed reading about your deal breaker and agree that it was.

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  23. Olga,
    It does have some advantages I guess.

    Djan,
    Interesting how you met your husband. Love those stories.

    Tracy,
    I am so glad it works for you. You are not alone.

    turquoisemoon,
    Know what you mean. I would find excessive use cramping.

    selkie,
    Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I am in your camp on this.

    marylee,
    I guess with family scattered it is a blessing.

    Linda in NM
    Both can be addicting. That is why I tapered off to twice a week instead of daily. Me too on Jewels.

    robin,
    It was tragic what happened to that family through no fault of either of them.

    Linda,
    Me too Linda, it gives one hope.

    Betsy,
    You are right, blogging takes up a lot of time, I just couldn't manage another form. I need to get up sometime from my computer.

    Ellen,
    Thanks, it was a surprise to me that it turned out so well.

    Pat,
    Your grandaughters story will give Jewels reinforcement. Thanks.

    rosaria,
    Hope you continue to enjoy it. Most people do.

    Tina,
    It is the fact that FB had been selling peoples information that concerns me. Right now they have "temoriarly" stopped selling.

    Mumsy,
    Thanks, and I doubt seriously I would ever be tempted.

    Retired English Teacher,
    Thank you so much.
    I guess some of the silly FB and Twitter posts just astound me.

    Brighid,
    Thanks and I hope so too. It is not the "friends" that bother me, it is FB having access to my information.

    Dee,
    Thanks, me too. Hay, you are one of millions so enjoy.

    Stichinbythelake,
    You voiced a lot of my objections. hopefully you stay free.

    Nezzy,
    Me too, I keep being asked to join and I feel badly refusing but I must.

    richies,
    Thanks, she reads this so she will get your message.

    KleinsteMotte,
    At least with blogging, you can remain anonymous. That I like.
    Thanks so much.

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  24. I have a FB account ...DD joined for me lol ...and I pop by on and off ...a few friends from the past have made contact and it was fun catching up but maybe it is true that had one been close we wouldn't have lost contact.
    As for your friend ...I am so pleased for her.

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  25. Yep. Despite a couple of my blog posts bit#@ing about FB, I am on it many times every day. It does keep me in touch with family and old friends. I do pick and choose and frequently reject friend requests. I am not crazy about FB, and I do know I could deactivate my account tomorrow and kiss it good-bye.

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  26. I am in and out of FB. I think it's rather messy. I prefer Blogspot. The reason that I am on FB, is that my grandchildren are on FB, else I should not think to continue going there.

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  27. Patti, I have found so many childhood friends on Facebook, people I would never have known what happened to them otherwise.

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  28. I have a FB account so I can keep up with my granddaughters. It is a good way to follow busy youngsters. You can fix your settings so you don't get all the ads for Viagra or make your personal stuff available to just anyone.

    I haven't looked at it in a while however, so I missed a few things. You reminded me of something I need to do today. Thanks, Dianne

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  29. Thats' nice. For a minute, I was pleasantly surprised & thought you were on facebook(from the title alone).

    I dislike social networking. I am on facebook but very wary not to mention lazy!! :) I only used to like Orkut as my friends wrote me nice testimonials .. ;)

    So long!! :)

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  30. Angie,
    Thanks, me too. It is handy for those who want to keep track of family.

    Barry,
    I am stunned. Not you. Anyway, it is good to know you can quit any time. All addicts say that.

    Reader Wil,
    I think with grandchildren, it is almost a must for keeping in touch.

    Story Connection,
    I guess I moved so much that I never got really attached to school chums. Those that I did, we have kept in touch, the old fashioned way till the Internet took off, then email ruled.
    Maybe someday.

    bettyl,
    Thanks so much for stopping by. That is one teaser comment. I will have to visit you to get the scoop.

    schmidleysscribblins,
    Those of you with grands, I think FB is necessary. Great way to keep up.

    lostworld,
    Ah, there you are. I have missed you. Anyway, sorry to disappoint, I am not ready to jump into the deep end yet.

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  31. I'm on Facebook, and when I have people ask to be my friend, I have the option to ignore. If it's someone who's name doesn't ring a bell, I go take a look, if there is no way under the sun I know them, I just say ignore. I also have my Facebook set up, that only my friends, that I chooses as my friends see what ever I might post. At one time I had it set for friends of friends and thought WHY???? So again, I changed that option. I use Facebook mostly to keep track of my family and some friends. I also like to play some of the games they offer. But I still like my blogging friends, which just so happens are also some of my Facebook friends. LOL

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  32. First of all I am so very happY Jewels is finally having some fun in life. I had added her to my bloglist, but I think I got the wrong one or she has abandoned that project, may for a very good reason-more fun.

    I am on Facebook but rarely used it. I lost contact with my dearest friend from the second grade. I knew her son's name and with the help of mutual acquaintances we found the son, only to learn she was living with them and in some state of dementia. I have not gotten over it yet.

    I tried to connect up last trip to Texas but some very strange conversations occurred and we did not. I think she was beginning to have problems then.

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  33. Nice story. I am on facebook but mostly to keep up with family and news feeds of my favorite things like Taste of Home, Select Seeds, Martha Stewart, Country Woman etc.

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  34. I am an avid FB user and like how it not only can help you to get in touch with people from your past (if you choose to) it keeps you in touch with everyone right now.

    Thank you for sharing Jewels' story! I hope it all works out for her. True happiness for all! :D

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  35. I do have facebook to promote my ceramics, but one ex-friend came out of the woodwork and wanted to friend me and I didn't respond.

    One of our friends met his now wife on a dating site over ten years ago before it was even popular and so far so good.

    I am so happy for Jewels, wish she blogged more and showed some of her ceramics, but perhaps she has been otherwise occupied for the good.

    Sad about Lee, one never knows when something ill will befall one so best to make the best of each day.

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  36. LOL love it, I wrote chooses, I guess I better learn how to use proper English. Just a note to tell you, it's SNOWING here, again. It's pretty heavy snow, if it keeps up it will be another mess to clear away and our drive way is still half covered with about a half inch of ice that hasn't completely melted yet. Ran out of salt and haven't been able to find more here in our little town.

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  37. I'm on FB but have mostly lost interest since I began blogging. I find blogging a lot more fun and you can really get to know and trust the people.

    So you too are the matchmaker. By encouraging her you qualify. Join my club. My last one didn't turn out. This one was not so spooky because she had previously known him. Good job and proves you are a true romantic by wanting it to work.
    Love and Peace

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  38. Patty,
    FB is probably essential in keeping track of grands. I know when I was a kid, I probably only wrote my grandmother to thank her for a gift. This is much better.
    Enjoy your snow but am sorry about the ice.

    Nitwit,
    She quit blogging when she had such a round of medical problems and now that she is in love, I doubt you will hear from her either. Might be too busy.
    I can see where your picking up with a friend after many years could be strange. We do change and not always for the better.

    Iowa Gardening Woman,
    Didn't know about getting feeds from neat mags. Good idea and also great way to keep tabs on family.

    Lynda G.
    Me too Lynda. I'm a sucker for happy endings.

    Linda Starr,
    Jewels had to quit potting as she has damaged her immune system and was afraid the mold in the clay was causing some of her problems. That was a real blow.

    Manzanita,
    Even with my pathetic track record, I still believe in happy endings and the thrill of romance. Even if this one doesn't work out, she is now ready to be out there.
    Does our club have a secret hand shake?

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  39. I use FB and because of that I reconnected with my best friend/matron of honor after 35 years (long story) It was interesting to see how heavily my former classmates used it up to the time of our 40th reunion and then most of them dropped out of sight again. I like it to see what folks are doing but worry about what my grandkids are sharing. Too, too much, I'm afraid.

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  40. I am on FB and it allows me to keep track of many younger family members. Also to reconnect with people from my past whom I lost when I moved or changed my name.

    Keeps me connected!

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  41. Hello Patti! It was so much fun for us to read your post! Dan laughed heartily about possibly being another Ted Bundy. He is still here visiting and every day we are together gets better and better! I have to pinch myself occasionally to make sure I am not dreaming. : ) Thank you for being a true friend to me and for guiding me to make the right decision! You are the very best!

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  42. Thanks for the visit and comment.
    At this moment a storm is blowing over the Netherlands. Saturday I was blown off my bike and lay in the middle of the street. Three nice people picked me up fortunately.

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  43. Only got on FB after friends insisted I was really missing an opportunity -- still don't use it and only get on when someone sends me a message. Congrats to your friend Jewels. I do hope, though, she takes it slow and just enjoys for awhile the new relationship -- marry in haste, repent at leisure...allow love time to be nurtured and make sure it isn't just because she had a lousy marriage...

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  44. No, my dear...I am not on Facebook and don't intend to be. Blogging is enough for me....As to the good it can be capable of, I know that is true, but I also know the opposite is true, too....
    I'm very happy for your friend Jewels---That is a WONDERFUL Story and, it seems, with a very happy outcome....Bless Them Both!
    I have noticed that a lot of Bloggers that I know are now on Facebook and it seems to me they don't blog as much---and in fact, some of them don't visit me at all anymore....I just think there are so many hours in a day and one cannot sit in front of the computer for eight or ten of those hours---I know I can't. But I read where some bloggers play games on FB and play with other bloggers, as well....I guess FB is THE thing now, the way blogging was when I first started....
    Frsnkly, I don't want any more so callec "friends"....I wouldn't be able to keep up! (lol)

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  45. RV Vagabonds,
    I guess if you are on your grand kids accounts, you can keep tabs on them. Sometimes what the kids put out there comes back to bite them.

    Linda Myers,
    I am so glad it works for you. You certainly are not alone.

    Jewels,
    Glad he laughed and wasn't offended. So he has no contacts in the Orient? Fantastic.
    Stay warm and happy you two.

    Reader Wil,
    Oh my goodness. That is awful. I sure hope you are OK. So glad there wasn't any traffic.
    The weather world wide has really gotten strange.
    Do take care.

    I Wonder Wye,
    I know, I feel the same way and hope they take their time. They are young yet. Finding each other was the hard part.

    OOLOH,
    You and I both Naomi. I have more than I can handle with blogging and emailing. You have such a delightful group of long time friends, who needs more? I too have lost people to FaceBook. Sad but a sign of the times.

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  46. Patti,
    Handshake... great idea... We could call it the "Sub Rosa" club. Did you watch the game? Your boy friend was on at the beginning.... and of course I thought of you. He's putting a little more age on but he's still a hunk.
    My old team won. Yeahhhh. Brings back memories of after Daryl split, I started going with an ex-packer, Freddie. Of course he was a Narcissist too. Big football star is perfect for a NPD. One night we went to dinner in Wisconsin with my girlfriend, Nan and her bf also ex-packer. I had enough of his flirting with every girl in the place and found a ride back to Mpls but they insisted we leave and all go back together. We fought all the way back and when we stopped, you could hear Nan crying all the way back because I had ruined her perfect evening. Weirdest evening.But that night was the end of Freddie. We still talk about it. Any way, go packers !!

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  47. Aw gee, I missed him. The game was started when I sat down.
    That is interesting about the GB player you dated. I did the pro golfer routine and they were equally as full of them selves.
    They really can't help it, we create them.
    Hope it didn't spoil it for your friend.

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  48. I'm on facebook and really enjoy it. It has allowed me to reconnect with lots of friends from long ago. And I love seeing regular updates of pictures of far away family. So far, it's worth the trade-off. :)

    This is a lovely story. I wish them well.

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  49. Sandra,
    It does have a lot of plusses, I just haven't been able to bite the bullet yet.
    Thanks for stopping by.

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