Saturday, May 14, 2011


Ok all you porn buffs, hit the road. This is not that kind of blog. I am referring to the actual meaning of the words, not the Urban Dictionary version. Bye.

There was a time I could hammer a bit.   When I raised my calves, I built all their pens (thirty of them) which were each 4 foot by 16 feet, with 8 feet under cover. I even tar papered their roofs. Now they weren't pretty, but they were sturdy. I have never built anything that I would want in my house. I am a back forty--out of sight--type of builder.

With arthritic hands, my hammering days are about over. Now that I have convinced you I am a ho-hum carpenter, I'll tell you why this came up. You have heard me moan about my back on occasion. It is part arthritis and part herniated disk that  can get my attention periodically.

I know a strong core protects the back and I use to do my back exercises religiously. They really do work. I also know it requires getting on the floor and at my age and degree of stiffness, that is not a pretty nor pain free sight.

So I thought, why not an exercise table so I wouldn't have to hit the floor? I checked the friendly Internet and they are either too expensive or too rickety looking. I had the time and inclination so I thought I would build one.

I am putting it on my porch (no way  anything I make will come inside) since there is more room.   It will be mildly exposed to weather so  I am building it with pressure treated lumber.

For some reason I wanted the bench to  have pretty legs (have no idea why) so the legs were store bought and turned. I now realize that was a huge mistake. Four by fours would have been better and sturdier. Pretty should be reserved for vanity benches, exercise tables should be for function.

What I am notorious for when I build something is that I don't always think every thing through. Building is like chess, you must anticipate the next move. So often I reach a point where I realize the big picture won't work and I have to do a lot of “unscrewing” and redoing. Should state here that I live by the electric screwdriver and drill.

This is the partially finished bench. Now I really have to figure a more attractive way to brace the legs but it is rock solid right now. Now comes the part where I pad the surface. All I can say is that it is probably good only Patti will be using this. Fortunately I am not critical and have a selective “blind eye” when it comes to my projects.

I am purposely putting it on this side of the house which is not clearly visible from the road. Besides being a bit embarrassed by my work, I couldn't imagine throwing my legs in the air daily in view of the tourist and neighbor traffic.  Old gals have their pride.

Gosh, I just noticed I really need to paint my porch floor. Pictures show what the naked eye ignores..
This is the mostly finished project. I could only paint the non-pressure treated parts.  In three  months when the PT wood dries, it can also be painted. Like me, it looks best photographed from 20 feet. It is comfortable, stable and is easy to get on and off.  
If you have trouble either getting onto the floor to exercise or like me, the getting up is killer, you might want to consider one for yourself. The best thing is that the process of building it definitely qualified as exercise.

A circular saw, drill and screw driver are all you need though a handy male would make the whole thing a bunch  easier.  

 Time to hit the hammock now as soon as I take a few Aleve.

As you all know, Blogger saw fit to scarf up all of our posts late Thursday. Now they must not have liked mine for they returned it a day later but they really loved the comments all of you left for they kept them. I'm so very sorry. 

The good thing is that I got to read them before they vanished into the abyss and I want to thank you so much for your  positive thoughts about my carpentry attempt. What a delightful surprise.  You are the very best. Hopefully we are back to normal now. 


  1. As a married man who is not allowed anywhere near the house with any kind of tool or paintbrush, I sympathize. Ha. It is just like a woman to want a fashionable-looking exercise bench. Nice legs, though.

    And remember---no pain, no gain :)

  2. I love your naughty girl title. Hey Sam!!! I am sooooo impressed at the final outcome. Absolutely gorgeous yet functional. Girl, I bow to you. I tried building a small house for my goose once. What a hideous mess that was!! But the dumb thing still is standing ..... up to the ranch.

  3. Very clever of you Patti...We have something similar downstairs, built as a work table with an enclosed storage area underneath...I can see a future use for it now, all it needs is padding on top! Thanks!

  4. I used to love to try and build things - but that bench would be beyond my abilities. I do think I might have used 4x4 legs, just to be sure I wouldn't end up on the porch floor!

  5. I am sure glad I didn't fall into the category of those you sent packing. I would not have wanted to miss reading this great post.

    Wow! You did a great job on that exercise table! Love the red and the legs are perfect. Now enjoy and happy exercising. Hugs

  6. Hey, that's a great exercise bench! I like the color you painted the wood. And congrats on doing your back exercises. I should probably do some back exercises myself. you know any that can be done sitting at the computer?

  7. RE your comment:

    Patti, I doubt a wounded tongue would be a deterrent to my talking! LOL

  8. That's a great looking exercise bench, Patti. I think it look quite perfect for its intended use, and it would even look nice inside the house, if you ask me! :-)

  9. I am impressed! You are a clever lass. A great idea - and you have the skill to make it happen. I still get on the floor to exercise, but I have to crawl my way to something stable to hang onto that will allow me to get up again.

    It's a good thing I didn't have a mouth full of coffee when I read the title of this post!

  10. That is an amazing job Patti, you are quite the carpenter, can you talk about what back exercises you do in a post, I could use a few of those myself.

  11. Well, I think it is MAGNIFICENT, my dear Patti....I am deeply impressed that you built that and it not only looks great but that you actually can use it for the purpose for which it was built!!....BRAVA, My Dear!

  12. you could get some strong wood planks to extend from one leg to the other, likda like a cradle
    I know this because I once buit a desk for my niece and she said she loved it as long as she didn't put her school books on it - Oy!!

    I love how you tackle things

  13. So funny you wrote about this topic today. I can hardly walk and you are building a bench for your workout.

    I was thinking earlier this morning how Dr Bruno told me to stop doing the leg lifts and situps I did daily because this was causing my back further distress.

    Since then (about six years ago) my tummy has grown and my back is worse. Can't win it seems. Sorry if this comment sounds like a "downer" but I am really envious of old people like you who "show off" their carpentry skills.

    Dianne (who owns an electric screwdriver, or rather a husband with an electric screwdriver that doesn't see much use these days.)

  14. I admire your organic and imaginative way of going about things. Sure, they are pretty legs but they do the job ~ only wish I was as innovative as you. Well done. Happy exercising! If you're ever in the UK will you make one for me please, but I would like green legs on mine.

  15. Awe Shucks... I was looking for the PORN.... ha ha ha.... Seriously, I'll take that handy MAN myself. With my carpel tunnel, I have trouble doing much of anything with my hands anymore... At least, that's my excuse and I'm stickin' with it.


  16. You are so clever and I love the "on the fly" building technique. It's what I do as well. It works a good percentage of the time. I too love the paint job and the lovely turned legs.
    I needed an excercise table because my knee replacement keeps me from being able to get on the floor. I cheated.....I looked on Craigslist and bought a large size carpenters work bench and cut off the legs and added padding. But after awhile I had to do some fine tuning, so I would have been better of doing it like you did.
    Great job and super post.

  17. Clint,
    Do I detect a bit of Dr. Huxtable there? You are right, those legs are a female thing.

    Thank you. It really is sturdier than it looks. Hay, we ladies may not build pretty but we build to last. Right?

    That would be great and the hard work is done.
    It really is wonderful for exercising comfortably.

    You are right and I have thought of that also. So far it is solid and standing up well.
    ha,ha I knew you wouldn't let a little cracked crown stop you.

    Thank you so much and I am so glad I didn't run you off. Glad you liked the legs.

    Sadly, if I did know, I wouldn't have had to build the bench. My computer posture is killer bad.

    Thank you but even if I wanted to, my house is so small it would never fit. Exercising on the porch is kind of fun.

    Thanks. It might help your back.

    I had to laugh for you so described my ventures of going from floor to standing up. Gee, what a chore. This is so easy.

    Linda Starr,
    This is a site from the Mayo Clinic which is pretty much what I do.
    I am a firm believer that back pain could be avoided if we did these every day.

    Thank you so much Naomi. Kind of surprised myself this time.

    Thanks but right now it is really solid. It doesn't move or wiggle---for now. I'll keep that in mind however.

    You probably have a different problem than I have but I know if I keep the belly fat down and do my exercises, my back stays fine.
    We do what works for us and I hope you find what works for you.

    If I am ever across the pond, I would love to make you one and you can paint it any color you want. I work for tea.

    Gee, sorry to have disappointed you--ha. You have your own resident handy man lucky you.Protect those wrists.

    Linda in NM
    "On the fly" perfectly describes my building technique. Not very effecient but challenging and fun.
    The way you did it seems like a lot less work.

  18. I love it...!!
    I'll take one in green, please....


  19. Well I knew I liked you, but I thought it was because your name is Patti and that you live in Arkansas, where one of my sons lives and you are close to my age. But now I find out you can build things also. Wow that is so impressive. I am proud of you girl. It is a thing of beauty and joy forever, plus it is going to make you feel better.

  20. Is there no end to your talents? That was an impressive endeavor and impressive results. So good for you and your back!

  21. Way to go, Patty! I also love to build things out of what ever is handy. Thrilled I can still hammer(the bigger the better) And screw!
    I was taught not to handle PT wood bare handed, or put it in direct contact with skin???

  22. Ok, I am very impressed. I really do admire your spunk, and your creativity. I think you really will enjoy that table. I also think you had a very good idea. Something like that would be a great thing around here too.

  23. I swear that when I read "when I raised my calves," I pictured you lifting your legs.

  24. It looks good enough to nap on!

    Anyone watching me get up off the floor gets a good chuckle. I can see that this would be a good idea. You did a good job!

  25. Wow, you really did a good job on the bench! Years ago I used saws, drills, hammers, etc., but the arthritis in my hands prevents me from doing anything like that now.

  26. Wow, impressive! You do have some skills most of us envy, Pat. What else have you built?

  27. I had no idea carpentry skills were part of your repertoire, Pattie! I wouldn't even know where to begin - but...I am handy at dialing my sons. Now I want to know what exercises you'll be doing.

  28. Wasn't that the pits about Blogger? Same thing happened to me. Arrrghhh...

    Ah well... What can you say? It's a free service.

    I am totally impressed with your carpentry! This is amazing! My husband screws almost everything because he says he wants the option to take it apart if it doesn't work. He could sure use your help over here with our house.

  29. Not so hand male needs a couple of updates in his potting shed. Do you do volunteer work. Actually I was several hours trying to get my blog going. Oh well when it's free one shouldn't complain too much....:)

  30. The comment I left just before Blogger's Problem may return, they say! Meanwhile know, I think you are very clever and can see a future use for a work table we have in the basement.

  31. Retired English Teacher,
    Thank you. I have used it for three days and it works perfectly.

    Ha, that is what I do on the table so you weren't far off.

    Ha--What you go through is why I built it. Thanks.

    Sweet Virginia Breeze,
    My arthritis is close to turning me into an observer also. Good to know someone else who enjoyed playing with lumber.

    Thanks. This is the only thing I have built for myself. All others have been pet or livestock shelters. They weren't fussy.

    Thanks. If I had a handy male on speed dial, I would do that also and just supply the lemonade.

    Thanks and like your hubby, I like the idea of an easy re-do if I mess up.
    Blogger was frustrating but I agree,for the price, I can forgive a lot of missteps.

    Oooh, a potting shed. Lucky Troutbirders. Sorry, I am in healing mode right now but thanks for the request.

    Thanks for the return. That table sounds perfect after you pad it. It makes exercise a pleasure.

  32. You nare a very brave lady and show a lot of inventiveness.The result is fine. I wish I had the courage to do exercises.
    BTW I am glad Blogger is normal again.

  33. Hi Patti,

    You are way cool, lady! Not only have you figured out how to make yourself more comfortable as you exercise, you figured out how to build the table yourself. You are my inspiration.

    Sorry you lost all of your comments.
    Thanks for stopping by, and being such an encouragement to me.

    Have a wonderful weekend,

    Kathy M.

  34. On the off chance my comment went astray, or I am more out of it than I think, I am leaving another message to tell you how much I hate women older than me who can not only exercise but build a table for exercise. Now if you had other uses in mind, I could forgive you. BTW I have an electric screw driver, should you want to use it. Dianne

  35. Reader Wil,
    That was an interesting day with blogger wasn't it. Hopefully, it is all better now.
    Thanks, I need to keep moving so I don't quit. You ride bikes and that is wonderful exercise.

    Kathy M
    Thanks. I just try. If I fail, so be it. If I don't then it is a good thing. I love my new table and am glad I tried.

    Yes, your comment was one of those eaten by blogger but I did get to read it before it vanished. So glad you came back and thanks for leaving another one.

  36. So, are you going to take your gifts for construction to Habitat for Humanity?

  37. This might be my most creepy comment. Be sure to turn your creepster meter off before reading – I want you to still like me and not block me from future comments.
    Gee you really disappointed me...I only came by because of the title after your first kiss story I was expecting much more than carpentry tales. :O
    You are handier than....ah...ah… I don’t really like that. Will you soon be posting exercise videos? If so, will there be a fee?

  38. You are the greatest!! That bench is amazing.

    What a shock-arooney that bloggy mess was. I think we all panic when we turn it on and nothing happens. Hope it's fixed.

  39. Looks to me like you are pretty talented! Ever hire out?

  40. tried to comment in the midst of Bloggergeddon. I think you can both hammer and screw.

  41. Well I'll be...Patti-it looks marvelous and wow, just so proud of your abilities! You impress me lady!
    Seriously, you done good!
    thanks for your prayers for little Jack; may God Bless him and his family!

  42. Patti- you are talented! I'm jealous because the only thing I seem to be able to do with a hammer is pound a nail in the wall to hang a picture on! I'm with you on the floor exercises- if I could just get back up once I got down there, I might would do them more often. But you've inspired me to work on that. Have a great week!

  43. You can glue a square piece of wood like a block in the corner where the leg fits the frame.

  44. I was unable to leave comments on any of the blogs I follow the other day, including yours. It ran something along the lines of admiration for the form and function of the exercise bed and especially for your choice of brilliant scarlet paint. How can you not want to hop up on that?

  45. Linda Myers,
    I had thought about that but they do a lot of hammering. Besides, I only have about 2 hours per day in me. HFH is a wonderful cause.

    Kind of makes me a tease doesn't it? Might do videos if I decide to try for a comedy or a horror clip.
    Nope, you didn't creep me out.

    Thank you. That was an experience wasn't it. Poof--it was gone. Sure glad it is back.

    Mom of 12,
    Thank you so much for stopping by and following. With that title, I will have to check out your blog.

    I know, the only one I tried, it took about 5 tries. Blogger would not recognize me. Free has its drawbacks.

    Thanks for the vote of confidence and I will keep that little fellow in my prayers. Just not fair.

    Southwest Arkie,
    It was that "getting up" that started all of this. Thanks, it is quite functional.

    Thanks Abe. I did get it quite stable but I will try that as a fail safe measure.

    RV Vagabonds,
    Thanks so much for trying during the black out.
    Right now the novelty is strong so I hit it several times a day.

  46. Well, it, Blogger did it again! I'd written a post about the workout tables I prefer and the durn thing went ding and my post is gone. I'd suggest getting some shorter legs for your table and I'd always wanted an electric nail gun. Posting this NOW

  47. I love a 'can do' attitude! What's important is that you did it! I think this is the neatest project!

  48. Amber Star,
    Yep, Blogger was really full of itself the other day.
    The height is perfect for me. Comes to the bottom of my butt so getting on and off is a breeze.

    I never hesitate to try, just don't always succeed. This was a pleasant surprise.

  49. "NitWit1 has left a new comment on your post "CAN'T HAMMER BUT CAN STILL SCREW":

    I am just getting caught up reading. Geez I have osteoporosis, herniated discs and arthritis so bad I was denied the spinal pain injection (usually used for women in labor) when I had my knee surgery.

    Then they wondered why I yelled and screamed when they made me get up as soon as I got into my room."

    Sorry Carol, I hit the wrong button and accidently deleted you.
    How awful for you. Gosh, I hope I don't get to that stage. That is why I am doing all I can now to keep moving.

  50. Hi Patti! I just want to ask you to visit my blog, please. I "tagged" you there. :)

  51. WOW! You have some skills! I am impressed!

  52. I just popped over from Kenju's blog and have to say how impressed I am with your table!

    Hope you enjoy it!