Friday, March 2, 2012

MY HEART HURTS

A very dear friend of mine has left my life and that of her family. It was not expected which makes it all the harder to take. The word bereft is making sense right now. This really, really hurts and I feel a giant hole in my being. I suddenly feel fragile with out her in my life.

I have mentioned Joan many times in my blog. She was usually sending me something or contributing to something that I had written  about.  She once allowed me to post a story she had sent me about a very personal time in her life that illustrated a point I had made in one of my stories. She was truly one of my most loyal readers. She never missed a post but only commented via email.

Every where I look in my house is a reminder of her. Something she made or bought for me knowing I would like it. There are two things right in front of me now that have her hand prints on them. On my walls, in my closet, in my cosmetics drawer, everywhere is something of hers.

Joan was one of those friends who listened. If you happened to mention something you might like, it was no time before a package arrived in the mail. She was like this with all her friends and family. One of the most thoughtful people I have ever met. She set the friendship bar so very high and was happiest doing for others.

The amazing thing about our friendship spanning about 20 years is that we  met face to face only one time for just a few hours. The rest of the time, the Internet has kept us in touch on a very regular basis.

Years ago, I had a deaf, nearly blind, albino Great Dane in my shelter. This was not an adoptable dog so he was there to stay. I did not know Joan, we lived miles apart, but we had a blacksmith in common. He mentioned to her about the dog and she called about coming to visit.

We had a lovely visit and though she couldn't take the dog, she and her husband became my very first sponsors. They sent me money each month to help support the giant dog. It was such a great help and their caring meant as much if not more than the money. They didn't think I was nuts to rescue dogs.

We have never lived close but have always been close. She was my “go to“ friend. She was a retired nurse who knew medicine but also computers. I was constantly picking her brain. We could discuss anything with out offending the other. I was as comfortable with Joan as if she were family.

I didn't realize how much I leaned on her friendship. Now I know just how much. My heart actually hurts.

I will miss you terribly dear friend. I take some comfort in knowing you and Ted are together again and that the Rainbow Bridge is full of those giant Danes you have loved through the years.

Thank you for the years we had as friends. I will always treasure them.   Hopefully, we will meet again.

I can't thank all of you enough for stopping by and giving comfort. That is what your thoughtful words do, they bring comfort. You have all helped to fill that painful void that is now in my heart. The raw pain is easing just a bit now thanks to you. You are a blessing that I am so aware of.

I may have lost a best friend, my one click away friend who was always there, but I am very blessed to have such a large group of also one click away friends. 

Thanks you for your caring and wonderful help at this time.  I am truly blessed and grateful.
 

56 comments :

  1. Regrets for your loss. What a lovely friendship.

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  2. Oh Patti, I am so very sorry. I know how important long time friends are. I could feel your love and caring in the words of this blog post.

    Angels on you.

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  3. Ooh Patti, I'm so sorry for your loss. May your memories help you through this...

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  4. My sympathies for the loss of such a friend.

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  5. What a wonderful tribute to a good friend. My heart hurts with you. blessings, marlene

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  6. Patti,
    So very sorry for your loss. I don't know what to say but how very sorry I am. It may seem strange to others but lately as I lay my head down on my pillow at night I ask the Lord, to hold my heart in His hand. To heal it because the pain is so great.

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  7. Patti, I am so sorry for your loss!
    Losing such a dear soul is hard to cope with. I hope you find solace knowing that you were an equally good friend to her.
    Much love,
    Merisi

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  8. I am so sorry for such a giant loss.

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  9. Patti, I feel so bad for you and am sorry for your loss. As they say, don't regret what you have lost but rejoice in what you had--a marvelous friendship that not everyone can boast.

    ((((Patti))))

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  10. I understand what you mean when you say your heart hurts. I've been there, I wish there was something meaningful to say other than that I am so sorry for your loss, and for Joan's beautiful light to be gone from the world. Thank you for making the effort to write this and share her with me.

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  11. What a wonderful friendship you shared! I love that she paid "Great Dane support" for the dog you rescued. Now THAT is a very special person... as is the rescuer.

    I'm glad you found each other and I am so, so sorry for your loss. I know your heart hurts.

    I love the mental image of Rainbow Bridge.

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  12. Hope all the wonderful memories of your lovely friend give you comfort, Patti.

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  13. So very sorry to hear of the loss of your friend. You have wonderful memories of a great friend and beautiful person.

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  14. So sorry for your loss.

    I think each of us hopes for such a friend and then for someone to remember us as you have done with Joan.

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  15. Oh my. I can't say much, too sad to lose a friend, i.e. someone we care about. David is grieving the loss of his friend Dick at this time. He knew Dick from the fellowship, from tennis, and from church. Good you can talk about it via your blog, and think about her with the Great Dane.

    Time heals all wounds they say. I don't know who they is, but some wag turned that around and said, Time wounds all heels. She was obviously not a heel and I know she will have her reward. Dianne

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  16. What a beautiful tribute to your friend! If only we all had friends like her. My condolences to you!

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  17. You & Joan were both fortunate to have had each other. She will always be with you--in your heart!

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  18. A wonderful testimony to the power of friendships formed and grown through the Internet. Very powerful.

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  19. I'm so sorry to hear that! What a wonderful blessing to have the internet. I've only been blogging for a little over a year, but my circle of friends has expanded considerably. I'm happy to count you among them. I hope you can find a happy place soon.
    Sandy

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  20. So sorry Patti.....I can hear the pain of your loss.

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  21. Patti, I am so very sorry for your loss. Your wonderful friend sounds like a fabulous human being. ((hugs)), Oma LInda

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  22. I am so sorry for the loss of your generous, thoughtful, kind, and caring friend. I am amazed that this friendship was completely, or almost completely, carried out on the internet. That is very cool. Truly, Patti, I am sorry for your loss. Hugs.

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  23. Amazing that you only met once, but were such good friends. It's not the face-to-face that counts, but the heart-to-heart. Sorry to hear about your loss, and pls. accept my condolences.

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  24. Oh, so sad to lose a close friend...the "go-to" one who would do anything you asked. Those friends come along so seldom that we feel their loss especially painful. I'll be thinking of you.

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  25. She was a wonderful friend. This was a lovely tribute to her. My sympathies on your loss.

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  26. Oh, Dear Patti...I am so sorry to read of your loss. I know exactly what you mean about 'my heart hurts'...It is so very painful to lose a truly good good friend....I am happy for you that you had such a very dear person in your life who had such a big heart, just like you...! I send you big healing hugs, my dear....
    (((((((HUGS)))))))

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  27. Oh, Patti - sending you hugs. Friends are so important and do leave a big hole in our lives when they're gone. However, it sounds as though you have many happy memories of this special person.

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  28. So sorry to hear about your dear friend. You expression of love and pain is a most beautiful tribute, Patti.

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  29. Sorry to read about your loss. I am sure that many others also have felt the pain of losing a great friend and can understand your sadness. I know I did and can.

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  30. What a great friend you were blessed with in Joan.
    She's with you still just in a different way. You have done her proud with your post.

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  31. My sympathies on the loss of your dear friend.

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  32. I am so sorry for your loss, Patti. Your friend sounds like she was a very special person. (((Hugs)))

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  33. Condolences on your loss. Such friends are rare.

    I have one friend, a second grade pal.We went our separate ways after high school with paths crossing rarely.

    I had not seen her in over 30 years yet Christmas cards, death of parents, etc. we communicated via e-mail and cards.

    We decided to detour just over the Texas state line on way to our vacation destination in September to see her and my half brother: both with heart problems that may explode any moment. I only visited with her in a nursing home for 15 minutes but I would trade for those 15 minutes. It is probably our last meeting on this earth. I hope we will see her in the next world along with all her cats & dogs, and my dogs.

    We are remodeling 5 rooms so I am absent until I find time to breathe.

    Again, condolences on your loss.

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  34. Patti, I am so sorry to hear about Joan..

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  35. Oh, Patti, I am so sorry for the loss of your special friend. What a wonderful, wonderful tribute. I am praying for you.

    With love,
    Kathy M.

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  36. I'm so very sorry for your loss, Patti. Joan sounds like such an angel of a friend. I'll be thinking about you.

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  37. Truly sorry for your loss.
    Just hoping your doggie is giving you extra hugs at this time and that he' recovered from his surgery. God bless you. Your aching heart has me sad too.

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  38. Patti, I know just how it feels to lose a friend like that and I am so sorry that you have to go through that.
    Treasure the memories of her (I know you will) and allow them to console you while you are steeped in grief.

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  39. Well that just SUCKS! I am so sorry! Thinking of you - GQ

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  40. I am so sorry you have lost such a special friend ...I felt the pain in every word ...infact I found tears running down my cheeks as I read your post. I hope the things that you have from her bring her back in the memories you shared. xxxxx

    Sorry I was late reading this ...upset tummy back ..Grrr.

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  41. Oh I am so sorry Patti, words escape me, hugs to you.

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  42. Dear Patti,
    It brought tears to my eyes reading your post. I'm speechless. I'm so very sorry. I can't imagine your pain.

    Joan is now in heaven, watching over you and over the Great Dan. Treasure your beautiful friendship and the good memories, and maybe start writing a memoir. It would make a precious one.

    (((( hugs ))))

    Doris

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  43. I hope these words will somehow comfort you. I am so sorry for your loss. "This world is not conclusion; A sequel stands beyond, Invisible, as music. But positive, as sound." ~Emily Dickinson

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  44. Just stopping by to see if you are feeling a little comforted. Time will not heal the wound, but I believe in the gift of remembrance and with time the feeling of loss will be softened a little bit by remembering the good time with our loved ones.
    Much love,
    Merisi

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  45. I am so sorry for your loss, patti. I actually "remember" Joan from your posts, and you definitely made her a part of our lives as well. I know you will keep her in your heart always.

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  46. Oh Patti, I am so very very sorry about the loss of your friend. The void you speak of now will always be inside as your travel through the healing process. Although you WILL feel better there will always be a part that will miss her terribly but you will be comforted by her words and the things she surrounded you with. Love and hugs to you!

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  47. Hi Sweet Lady!
    I am so sorry for you loss...
    I hope you hold on to your wonderful memories together and i will light a little candle for your friend tonight!

    Big hugs
    Leontien

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  48. Oh, Patti, I am so very sorry to hear this. Please take care. HUGS.

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  49. So difficult to lose a dear friend. How lovely that you have the gift of words to memorialize her, and are able share who Jane was with those who didn't know her.

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  50. I have been away for awhile, and am so sorry to learn of your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you during all the "firsts" will encounter without Joan.

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  51. Such good friends are few and far between. I am so sorry you lost one of yours. I know how hard it is.

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  52. I am so very sorry Patti- I know mere words will not heal your soul- but I do feel your pain and you have my deepest sympathy.

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  53. Sweet Patti I am so sorry to hear that you have lost a wonderful friend. My heart goes out to you and prayers go up for you. Hugs

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  54. Oh sweetie, hugs coming your way.

    One day at a time...

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  55. You know I don't think we were followers then - I don't remember this story or I missed it.

    I am so sorry for you too.

    sandie

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