Monday, March 25, 2013

A GOOD CRY


This post will probably have my male readers heading for high ground as most guys seldom admit to crying and are usually helpless around a woman crying. A child crying from fear or pain can destroy even the strongest man.  

Tears are most men's  Kryptonite.  We love them for that and we have been known to use that lethal weapon for personal gain. Not me (she protests), but I'm just saying. 

For those of you with teenage daughters or granddaughters trying to manipulate you with tears, here is a secret if you don't intend to cave in . "There, there" or "go to your room", only brings on more tears.  Just hand her a mirror. That works even better for the fake teen age cry. Crying ain't pretty. 

Sarah Michelle Gellar can really work the ugly cry. 
We women do cry unashamedly and often for the darndest reasons. Sometimes just tearing up and swallowing hard, sometimes a full blown ugly cry when it is not only the eyes oozing fluids. Better to do than to witness.     

Tears can flow when we are happy, moved, sad, in pain, touched, or peeling onions.  One good thing that crying is known for is to flush toxins from the body.    

I use to be much more stoic and even a bit critical about the easy criers in my younger days.  The older I get the quicker I cry and less I scoff. Perhaps I cry more in my advanced years because I am full of toxins that need purging. Who knows?   

The loss of, or sudden memory of an absent loved one, a story of great accomplishment in spite of obstacles, injustice, a child suffering, animal cruelty (don't get me started on those damn Humane Society commercials), all of these and many more close off my throat and make me grab a hankie. I really use to be a lot less watery.

From what I have gathered, our tear ducts have a sort of sphincter and it makes sense that since our other sphincters lose a bit of control as we age, why not the tear sphincter? 

My question is, do we women enjoy crying?  I recently watched the season opener I had recorded of my favorite show "Army Wives" and it turned into a one hour cry. Criminy. 

 Now Army Wives is not a reality show like the "Real Housewives of where ever". It is a nice series about the problems the wives of our service men endure plus a  good story line and very enjoyable characters.  

The wives really support each other and are great, very likable, sometimes quirky, strong friends. It is a pleasure to see  such "got your back" caring . Of course another reason for my addiction to the show is that I  really, really like the General.
Brian McNamara
That said, the first show of this season unexpectedly killed off one of my favorite characters. Claudia Joy Holden,  the wife of that sweet, strong, manly, fair minded General, suddenly died. Hum, does that mean he is available for comforting??  Come on folks, I mean that in a motherly, not creepy cougar way. If his character were available for adoption, I'd snap him up. 

So I endured that one hour cry during the episode when she died. Since it was just me and Mighty, I sporadically enjoyed the full blown ugly cry form. Sheesh, what a mess. 

Then for the next episode  I managed to make it  through her memorial service only choking up a bit.  However later in the show watching the General as he dissolved into his own full blown sobs, I lost it.

Now I know why men  can't bear to see us cry.  It is brutal seeing raw pain exposed.  Since I did not avoid that second episode knowing full well what was most likely coming , I might need help. 

All I can say is I'm pretty sure I am toxin free now.  Knowing the show like I do, this will not be the last cry the writers have built in for us. Sadly it is a show about our military after all. 

So why do I insist on watching?  While there are many warm, funny and feel good moments to the show, the eventual cry is a given.  So, do I enjoy "the good cry"??   I don't really feel better afterwards and certainly don't look better but I don't go out of my way to avoid one and willingly hunker down with a box of Puffs nearby so I must. 

My question is-- Do you enjoy a good cry or steer clear of one if at all possible?? 

48 comments :

  1. Oh Yes! I absolutely enjoy and often crave a good cry! I find it very cathartic and a GREAT Release---just like Laughing! In fact, I think they are very very close.....

    As to "ARMY WIVES"...I haven't watched in a few years, but when you said they killed of Claudia Joy, all I could think of is that the actress who plays her wants off of the show, OR, they want her off....I'm going to see what I can find out about that...!

    So....I vote for Crying! And I think it is good for both men and women....And I love that it cleanses you of toxins, too! Nice Bonus!

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  2. I agree with you on the tear sphincter- it must be an age related thing. The older I get, the more I cry... sometimes about the dumbest things.

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  3. I do find that I cry more over little things nowadays...I even find myself choking up when I talk about something that is mildly heart rendering ...these sort of times I do not enjoy ...BUT ...give me a good weepy series or film and I ball my eyes out ...now thats 'A good cry'...and I do feel better later ....maybe because its nothing to do with me. xx
    PS men and boys should cry and NOT be ashamed.

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  4. I rarely cry. Being the youngest (when I was little) I was always called the "baby" and was always crying.

    I am not certain if that is the reason I don't cry or the fact that I believe (in error) that it is a sign of weakness (in me).

    With the onset of menopause the tear episodes have come out of nowhere and I find it amusing and recognize it for what it is.

    A song can make me start to cry, now.

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  5. I will admit that I cry at the drop of a hat, or anything else. I am very tenderhearted and it doesn't take much for me. I can see someone else cry and tear up; a song, a tv show or ad, a memory, most anything does it for me, and I get teased a lot about it. I don't care. It is who I am.

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  6. I've never been a cryer... and if I did, it was always a private thing. But... I too find that as I age, the tears flow more freely. I wonder why that is...? I think that there's probably an emotional middle ground that is healthy.

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  7. My tears are never predictable: I might cry buckets over a TV show or a sad part of a book, and then other times I don't shed a tear. But I sure do like to cry, it feels good, unless I'm really grief stricken over something. At those times I may cry a lot and get very downcast.

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  8. After working in a middle school for many years, I found myself inured to high drama and waterworks. Lately, though, I do cry more easily over little things that touch my heart. And I do enjoy the occasional tear-jerker episode on TV.

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  9. I have found that a good cry is sometimes really cathartic - yes even for us guys :)

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  10. I have always been an easy crier and I never know when I will burst out in a flood of tears. Sometimes I feel better after crying but my sinuses are always a mess afterward so I don't look forward to crying because of those silly sinuses. I enjoyed this post...you can come up with such interesting subjects sweet Patti. Hugs

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  11. I am a member of a family that has "old eyes" as my uncle used to say. I cry at the drop of a hat and always have. Not sobs just tears leaking out of my eyes. When I worked with teenagers, we'd go someplace and something would happen and all of them would turn to me when they felt a little heart string pull and sure enough, my eyes were leaking. I was the butt of many a teasing. But it has never bothered me, I just cry easily. Oma Linda

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  12. This is terrible to say, but before the age of 50 I cried at anything and everything - now I don't cry as much any more. Maybe I cried them out. sandie

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  13. These days, I cry at weddings and funerals, and that's about it.

    Feels good, though.

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  14. Too many things always brought tears to my eyes and nothing has changed over the years. Crying can be cleansing, but does make me feel a bit tired. And of course there are those red eyes...

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  15. Dear Arkansas Patti, I wish I could cry more often; that tears came more easily to me. I feel that when I do cry I release all sorts of tension and simply let go and let myself feel. But when I was a child I learned not to cry and since becoming an adult, I find that tears elude most of the tea.

    And yet having said that, I have to confess that when once when I saw a television show that announced the Betty Crocker best recipe for that year I cried! As the song says, "Who can explain it? Who can tell me why? Fools give you reasons. Wise men never try!!!!!"
    Peace.

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  16. I've never cried much, not even today. I have nothing against crying, not even in public but it seldom happens. I'm probably loaded with toxins. Great post. Now you've got me wondering why I don't cry more.

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  17. I seldom cry and when I do, it always surprises me. A parade, those Humane Society commercials. One time I walked into a church in NM and started crying??? I thought that was strange.. When it comes to fur babies, like when my little Sophie dog died...cried like a baby, and if I think about her or my Sassy dog, I could cry right now.

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  18. I just never know how to cope when I see a woman cry. I don't know what to do or say because it all sounds so pathetic. Sometimes my mother cries in front of me and it really makes me uncomfortable and a bit shocked. My daughter's don't cry much. My partner is the biggest cryer in out family, but I have had my moments from time to time. Like at my father-in-laws funeral. I couldn't keep it together when I saw my partner cry.

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  19. YES----we females do love to cry. I can be fine --and then see something sad on TV or read something moving, and I'll find myself crying my heart out... It's just who we are.

    I don't watch that show --but have been plenty of shows or movies which do make me cry.

    I have no trouble crying --and think that crying is good for the soul at times....

    Hugs,
    Betsy

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  20. I think a good cry is important, a release of pent up emotions and later feeling fresh and refreshed. Sad movies always make me cry and I love watching them not matter if I know I'll cry or not.

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  21. The only time it bothers me to cry is when it comes on suddenly without notice. It makes me feel out of control and in some situations fearful that I appear weak when I'm wanting to project strength. But for the most part I believe tears are healing.

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  22. I am not much these days but when it happens it tends to be dire circumstances such as a friend's recent loss of her daughter to cancer.

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  23. This was fun to read. I dislike crying in public. I really hate that ~ for me. Well, I don't like to see others cry either but when a frustrating encounter occurs as with ... why are you charging 4 million dollars to change my oil?!

    I cry and I reeaaaallly wish I wouldn't. I get upset and tell myself ... act cool act cool then the damn tears start tumbling out... used to work when I was young and wore red sundresses but now that I'm old and wrinkled and saggy ... the only thing that happens is a look of ~ are you gone yet, lady? ...

    Other than that I don't mind crying ~ gives me a good rinsing ... I never could watch Lassie because I was in tears the entire time! Those SPCA commercials??? I can't find my remote fast enough.

    I don't like M&Ms talking to me either. hate those commercials. or cereal ... jeeeeez ~ I do not want my food with eyes talking to me ~ animated or not.

    Remember Charlie the Tuna? he WANTED to get caught? don't like it

    well, in Little Rock it's cold, Patti ... we had Spring for what 3 hours a couple of days ago?

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  24. I don't enjoy or steer clear, just accept as a fact of life.

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  25. Naomi,
    I think she had some substance abuse problems. I thought she had straightened out but they killed her off anyway.

    Terri,
    Ah, we just keep losing control as we age. I know what you mean, sometimes it really amazes me when I tear up.

    Angie,
    Maybe we all just soften up with age. I agree that it is much better when it has no bearing on our lives or loved ones.

    Peruby,
    Me too being the baby. Also had 2 older brothers who didn't want anything to do with a weepy little sis so I learned to keep it in. Lot different today.

    linda,
    Hey, being tenderhearted to me is a plus. We are what we are.

    Rian,
    I agree. Somehow I missed that middle ground.

    Olga,
    Oh my, wouldn't a mirror work great in middle school?

    Keith,
    You go guy. What I liked about that show is that they allowed the General to really cry, not just water up.

    Mumsy,
    Ha, me too on the sinuses. That with a red nose and puffy eyes, takes some of the fun out of it.

    Linda Wildenstein,
    I really envied those like you who could sprout tears easily. My tear ducts never worked well so even if I sobbed, little water fell. My parents always thought I was faking.

    Sandie,
    Do you suppose we are given a set amount of tears and maybe you have used all yours up? Maybe that is why I am so watery now. I have a bunch left to get rid of.

    Linda Myers,
    Well both of those are guarantees for most. At least you aren't caught off guard.

    Mercyn,
    Odd you should mention that for I too feel really sleepy after a good cry. We might have found the cure for insomnia.

    Dee,
    You may not have been allowed to cry but I have cried reading your stories.
    Oh my, crying over a recipe may take the prize.

    Linda,
    Well at least you are saving a bunch on Kleenex.

    turquoisemoon,
    Don't those commercials just kill you? I got where I had to turn the TV off when they came on. Anything sad about an animal and I will totally lose it.

    LL Cool Joe,
    Don't feel badly Joey, most of us are at a loss when someone cries. I usually just touch them to let them know they are not alone, someone cares and wait for it to be over.

    Betsy,
    Think you are right. Strange but I am happier in my weepy state than I was in my stoic one.

    Linda Starr,
    Ah, you willing watch the sad ones. I usually get caught by unawares.

    oklhdan,
    I used to feel like you but now welcome the tears. Fortunately, I don't have anyone I need to be strong for.

    islandwonder,
    That is when it is awful and I feel just makes the pain worse but also know it can't be helped.

    Carolyn,
    Ha ha, how true, crying got much better results with young firm flesh:))
    I am so glad they have eased up on those Humane Society ones. Around Christmas they were hourly. Yikes.

    LC,
    I think you are in that middle ground that I am seeking.

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  26. Well, I didn't used to be much of a crier due in part I think that when I was young and got spanked I was told 'now, don't you cry!' so I learned to hold it in pretty good. Now that I'm older, gosh I can cry just hearing a sad song! Don't know what's wrong with me. Can't say I like it much even if it does cleanse me of toxins because I look like H E double L when I do! :)

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  27. I cry easy and wish I didn't. When I was working, someone told me to do math in my head, to get the 'male' side of my brain working, and I could avoid tears. It worked, One of the jobs I had.. oh my, I can't tell you the number of times I did multiplication tables.

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  28. As a guy I steer clear, but no one cries alone in my wife's presence
    An Arkies Musings

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  29. Motherly, not cougar way?????

    Not only do I cry for animals, I simply can not watch those commercials. They rip my heart out but my crying of my old age stops there. I don't cry much anymore. No wonder I have to take all those cleanses..... my tear ducts must be blocked. LOL

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  30. What gets me is that we cry when we are sad, and cry when we are happy, or cry in sympathy at seeing someone else's pain and crying. Crikey I even cry when I laugh!
    I live in an all male household - The hardest part is to try and hide the crying in a sad/happy movie.
    Great post.
    Have a wonderful week, and thanks for stopping by my blog today.

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  31. Oh, yes! A good cry can be very emotionally cleansing. There were times, when I was seeing patients, when I struggled not to cry because it was their time to cry and vent and my task to help them feel safe and understood. But there were a few times when I really struggled. At home and with friends, I find I cry much more easily now than when I was young. Part of it is feeling more comfort within so that I can let feelings happen -- whether I'm watching an animal rescue commercial (they get me every time) or reacting to news good or bad. When I was younger, I was always trying to prove how strong I was. Now I feel free to be myself -- and sometimes that self is tearful. And that's O.K.

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  32. There is no way I am answering your question. You can't expect me to give up all my pride. Be reasonable and have a little compassion. Okay with that said...That toxic thing...I am pretty sure that is the problem. Have you tried a cleansing fast lately? I am just trying to be helpful.
    BTW: laying down with my laptop on my stomach reading your blog is a real trick. Every time I laughed my laptop flew up and almost crashed into the ceiling - just saying.

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  33. Cheryl,
    It really isn't our best look is it?
    Sorry you weren't allowed to cry. I never understood that manner of thinking. I used to cry for little reason as a child. with no tears and was often told, "Quit crying or I'll give you something to cry about."

    Muffy,
    Wow, I never heard of that "cure". I am poor at math so maybe that is my problem.

    richies,
    Your wife sounds like a very special, caring person.

    Manzi,
    Ha ha, somehow I think you don't believe me:))
    I so agree on those commercials. They use to just make me angry as well as torn up. I spent too many years in rescue.

    Jill Harrison,
    Welcome to TNS. Ha,ha I don't envy you in your all male household but what the hey, just let the tears flow so they will learn to deal. Consider it a life lesson for them.

    Kathleen,
    "Part of it is feeling more comfort within so that I can let feelings happen". That is spot on correct. Thanks.

    GQ.
    Now that is a fun image of the ole belly laugh. Thanks friend. If I remember correctly, you have a talented tummy that can even play volleyball.

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  34. Well, I hate crying. I used to have everything under control, but after my husband died, I cannot go to a funeral without the inevitable cry, which I hate. And taking leave of my daughter in Australia is difficult.

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  35. I used to enjoy a good cry but for some reason I never cry anymore.

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  36. I think a good cry helps, but I haven't cried for a while now. I just have to think of my dead dogs, or the dogs of Katrina that were lost, to get started. Oh, and those commercials, I have to turn the TV off, those faces. My husband cried at our wedding, which I thought was so sweet.

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  37. I made the mistake of watching "Conversations with My Gardener" last night, a wonderful French film.. that is beautiful, funny and.... sad! Let's say that I had to attend to sorting out the dishes in the kitchen as the final credits started to roll. Clattering a bit of china in the sink and running the taps does disguise the noise of blowing the nose and getting those eye ducts back under control!! P xx

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  38. My husband recently started a new job, where he is managing about seven middle aged and older men. These are tough guys, farmers and such, salt of the earth hard working men. He can't believe how much these guys cry. He's had at least one guy completely break down in tears while talking with him. He is not real sure how to handle it. He certainly does not cry often, and neither do I. It is just unusual for us, but apparently not for others.

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  39. Tina,
    Thank you so much for stopping by and commenting.

    Reader Wil,
    I use to hate it also Wil but lately I have just learned to live with it since I can't seem to stop it.

    Carver,
    Goodness, do you think you have run out of tears:))??

    Inger,
    Aw, now that was sweet of your hubby. I totally agree on those commercials. They not only bring on tears, they make me mad that people can abandon a pet.

    Peter,
    Now aren't you clever. Perfect cover story for you though I wish men didn't feel the need to hide it. Wonder who started that tradition?

    chlost,
    I think Dr. Kathy hit on it. We are more comfortable with our emotions as we get older. I also think that the longer we live, the more people we have lost. We have a build up of emotion.
    Saying that, I am sure your husband is uncomfortable as his men cry.

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  40. Since I don't watch the show, and have been a service wife, I can't comment on that particular show. I do not outright cry much--more of the tear up lump in the throat type person. My husband cries sometimes and I saw my father cry a very few times.My best friend can cry at the snap of a finger. When we go to funerals I carry the tissues for her as she seems to forget most every time. I guess I am designated tissue provider.

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  41. In my job as a psychotherapist I have seen many people cry. And I cried too with some:) I see it simply as an expression of emotion like laughter, etc. - nothing to be ashamed about!

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  42. My tears make my husband mad. I think they emasculate him - or he imagines that they do.

    Re your comment: My high school gym teacher told me that other girls thought I was arrogant. I had to laugh, because it was just the opposite. I was so afraid of being negatively judged that I seemed aloof.

    There is a lot of wisdom in that book and it is an interesting read. You may enjoy it.

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  43. I confess. I can't deal with it. Now my spouse stoiclly endured 2 different cancer surgeries, gall bladder removal, knee replacement and several others all too numerous to mention. Not a peep. Now she has pink eye. Whines, sobs, moans, etc. We been to the emergency and the
    clinic. More crying.... I don't get it.

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  44. I tend not to cry in public and haven't cried much at home either.... at least not the sobbing type. I do tear up at movies. I did have a rather strange shaking type tearing up when I saw my daughter walking down the aisle on her father's arm. It undid my husband when I used to cry when I was younger. I do rarely see him even tear up.

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  45. I hope you have a great Easter weekend Patti :)

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  46. Nitwit,
    Ha ha, "designated tissue provider" at least you have a good function.

    Jesh St Germain,
    Well you certainly are in a position to see more than most and are better equipped to handle it.

    Judy,
    He is not alone unfortunately. Men are kind of raised that way---or they were.
    I knew girls just like that.

    TB,
    Ok, I shouldn't be laughing and I am not at her condition, just your rendition. That was funny. It is kind of like how some men (my ex for sure) can put off going to a doctor for serious things but become a six year old when they get a cold:))

    Kay,
    Good for Art. He really is a special kind of guy. I don't even have to know the bride and groom to cry at weddings. Can't imagine how emotional it must be for a parent.

    Optimistic Existentialist ,
    Thank you Keith and wishing you the same.

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  47. A good post, Patti - that has me wondering if maybe I should have a good cleansing cry!

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  48. Avoid! I end up with a bad headache from crying and so try to avoid it at all costs.

    I

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