Monday, March 9, 2015

THE DOG ATE MY HOMEWORK


I heard that excuse from my classmates growing up but I never for an instant believed it nor did the teachers.  I mean, dogs do not eat paper--do they?? We tend to believe from first hand experience and I had never owned one that did--till now.

It appears they do--never to late to learn a truism. I hope all those classmates I thought were lying forgive me.

Callie has so far been the perfect dog.  She has been immaculate with her house training.  She not only comes when called but races madly for home like a greyhound when I clap for her ( my aging whistle still doesn't work).

Hands down she is the best couch snuggler I have ever enjoyed, man or beast.   Dog snuggling is not a means to an end as with a lot of  men.  For the dog, it is the end. As she snuggles on the couch with me she wears the beatific expression of a TV Evangelist. Dogs do smile.

She is also smart as a whip. I think if I had time and inclination, I could teach her to play chess.  I am amazed how well she can tell time to the minute.  She will let me know when it is precisely 3:05 PM which is time to start preparing her last meal of the day. She is quite rigid on that. I'm kind of wondering what the time change will do to her inner clock.

As much as she is a chow hound, she will leave my meals untouched even when in full reach. I easily could put a sirloin on the coffee table, then leave the room for 5 minutes knowing full well, it will be there without so much as a nibble or lick when I get back. Yes, I have done that.

She will meticulously clean up any crumbs I may drop--after I get up to do the dishes. That was something I missed when Mighty passed.  Scarfing up crumbs is not a cat behavior nor a trick I could train Minnie to do. For this function, dogs rule. As you can see, Callie has great manners, is very intelligent and is quite useful.

So who would have guessed, she would eat my phone list for a group I belong to which had been left on that same coffee table where she politely ignores my dinner?

I commit no phone numbers to memory and rely on my list, even for people I call frequently.  I know, I should use the directory installed in the phone but for some reason, I balk at this solution and always rely on my hard copy list. Hey, I am old and am allowed my quirks.

Now she didn't just shred the paper in small pieces---she ingested it. But for some reason, she doesn't like crusts and left the outside edges in four pieces. Wonder why the edges don't taste good?

We are talking a full sheet of paper here folks, minus the corners.  I was a little afraid it might plug her up but she has had no ill effects.  It safely passed, and yes I spent a couple of days on poop patrol. That was fun.

She has never messed with my books, mail or newspapers on that same table, just that list. Maybe she doesn't like me being on the phone and ignoring her??

I am sorry but I didn't get a picture of the remains and her remorseless face. Most dogs master the "I'm so sorry and I'll never do it again," look when they misbehave.    However Callie actually appeared quite proud of her deed and expectant of praise.

Pretty sure you former teachers out there are now scoffing my claim without any pictures to prove my story. You will just have to trust me. My camera battery has died and needs replaced.

Since this is so far her only flaw, the simple thing will be to train myself not to leave phone lists lying around. I think I can learn to do that for besides the inconvenience of  losing my list, poop scanning is not a fun activity. Luckily, I am still trainable.

You ever have a pet with a strange fetish?

36 comments :

  1. Oddly, about a month ago my grandson's dog "ate" his math homework. He chewed it up so badly it had to be redone. My grandson took the evidence to the teacher just to show her it really does happen. But not often, I am sure.

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  2. I wonder if it smelled like you since you must have handled it all the time. Why else would it be so tempting? Made me laugh to think of it. Now might be the time to start using the electronic list. I finally caved and went that direction and it's WAY better. :-)

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  3. I loved the part about teaching Callie to play chess. I had a black lab named Sugar. One time, I was cooking hamburgers and had just taken them off the stove. They were on the counter waiting for my kids to come down for dinner. Sugar was asleep on the floor. I ran out to get the mail and one minute later came back into the kitchen. Sugar was asleep on the floor.
    The hamburgers were gone including the paper towel I'd put under them.

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  4. Oh yes -- my almost perfect Sheltie would rip up any sheets of paper I had written on -- but never in front of me. And he did rake the heck out of my floors and carpet as he turned and turned before laying down. Well, we all have our eccentricities, huh?

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  5. I had a cat who would not pass by a mirror without an all out attack and show. Yes, I know she knew it was her, but she seemed to enjoy showing off for herself. Of course it didn't help that her name was Abnormal. Oma Linda

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  6. You are soooo funny....means to an end snuggling with men. WOW..... I couldn't leave Cody with my dinner.... heck, I couldn't turn my back for a second. Cody is wicked when it comes to food. I think it is because she was the runt of a litter of 9. Other than this one glitch, Callie sounds like a perfect dog and she was a rescue dog, too, wasn't she, if I remember right.

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  7. Callie is quite a pup! Filling your days with fun and even watching the clock for you. :). The last dog I had was not a cuddler and the next dog I have just has to be. Callie is so sweet.

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  8. I've had students bring in the mangled pages as evidence. Homework has also fallen victim to little brothers, and back when we were using floppy discs, those were destroyed one way or the other.
    Looks like the next list had better be written on a sirloin steak.

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  9. How funny. I wrote a blog entry about our little Dacshund who ate my husbands roll of glue-backed name labels and then let out a bunch of turds curled in them.

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  10. Maybe you should put the phone list in your computer.

    Wait, that's a bad idea, it is way more expensive if she ate the computer.

    The perfect dog would be boring, they have to have at least one flaw...this one is pretty tame.

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  11. My Jack Russell, Mia, not only eats paper but, also likes to nibble on dirt clods.....late week she ate most of a dollar bill before my hubby could bend down to get it...!!

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  12. I can't even imagine what possessed her to suddenly eat paper! But I've been watching Dr Pohl on tv and I have seen animals eat some pretty disgusting things on there. They pay for it, too, by ending up at the vets office. Maybe the ink just smelled good..or maybe she smelled you on the paper because you touch it alot to look up numbers. Bless her, she's a great pup!

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  13. I think she ate my comment. As soon as I pushed publish, it disappeared into thin air. LOL!

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  14. Let me know how the chess playing works out! Then maybe you can teach me how to play.

    We were invited to my sister's for a steak dinner years ago. The steaks were on the table in a marinade while we went for a walk. Upon return, we found the house had been broken into--by the neighbors two Irish setters, who were happily romping away with the steaks. Not all dogs are as well mannered as Callie.

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  15. When I was a kid i had a pet rat I loved dearly. Several times I bought her a rubber mouse to keep her company, and she'd chew them into a neat pile of rubbery bits. She seemed happy doing this so I kept buying them.

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  16. Dogs can do no wrong. When I taught high school years ago, my dog Josey was in the top 10% of the class, until the students began eating her papers.

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  17. Lucy my Cairn Terror (oops terrier) is very jealous of my boyfriend. She doesn't want me to talk to him and for sure, not kiss him. When I'm talking to him, she sits on my lap, gets very close to my face and uses her paw to turn my face away from him and back to her. She only wants me to look at her...hahaha I love her to pieces.

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  18. Pudge,
    Ha, smart of your grandson to take the evidence to school.

    Djan,
    My phone is pretty primitive. I do have a directory but it is time consuming to access. I may cave however and go modern.

    marciamayo,
    Ha ha, that is funny and clever. Sleeping is a weak alibi but she was smart to destroy all evidence.

    Out to Pasture,
    Those Shelties are super smart. They are good at not getting caught.

    Linda W,
    Ok, I am really laughing at that mental picture. Abnormal?? She had a lot to live up to.

    Manzi,
    Hey Cody is normal, not sure where Callie got her restraint unless she really hates my cooking. Yes, I got her from the Humane Society.

    Rita,
    She is really unusual in that respect. She is the best I have ever had at cuddling. Almost needy.

    Marty,
    Ha ha, or at least hidden under a steak. That excuse has such a bad reputation that I can see why kids bring in the remains.

    Ginnie,
    I remember that episode and it cracked me up. Too funny.

    joeh,
    I had those same thoughts about my computer:)) She just squeaks by being boring with her cuddling and smarts.

    Blue Ridge Boomer,
    Yikes, money?? Now that would test my good nature.

    Terri,
    I love Dr. Pol also. That is why I checked her stool to make sure it came out and didn't plug her up.
    Both comments came through. Guess it had a hiccup.

    Olga,
    Oh my goodness, a home invasion. How funny yet annoying. Those setters can really move.

    Stephen,
    Goodness. At least she didn't swallow the pieces. They really are good at dismantling toys. Nothing is truly dog safe.

    JJ,
    Ha ha, that is super funny and a neat way to turn the tables. You had me for a minute.

    turquoisemoon,
    How funny. Lucy must be a big hit with your boyfriend:)) I saw a similar dog on Funniest Home Videos on Sunday and it wouldn't let the woman kiss the man.
    Terriers rule.

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  19. Yep, it is very true that some dogs will eat homework and other paper, but I have found they are selective in what paper they eat. Now why Callie chose to eat your list I don't know and has eaten no other paper. Maybe she liked the taste of ink or pencil that you wrote the list with since she left the corners.

    Chancy loves to eat (used or not) napkins, tissues, toilet tissue and paper towels. We have to keep all of those items out of his reach. He also eats acorns.

    Hugs for you and nose kisses for the sweeties.

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  20. Oh this is funny! I know some little human beings that chew up paper but they don't seem to like it much!

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  21. With Callie so smart, and you still trainable, between the two of you you will make a brilliant team!

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  22. I hope you had a backup list of your phone numbers, Patti! It may not be all that strange, but our kitty Peanut has a fetish that I'd like to stop. And that is scratching up leather shoes. We've learned to keep our shoes up high or behind locked doors! She will scratch the daylights out of them, otherwise.

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  23. Lucy will eat deer poop if we don't watch her carefully. And she loves to pick up little rocks (one at a time) and carry them in her mouth. She doesn't eat them...just carries them in her mouth.

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  24. Our hound dog mix, Bandit, who always liked his food, got an illness, forget what it was called, that made him so hungry he ate my wallet, $12, driver licence, insurance cards, etc., some was left of it, but not much. Most of my dogs have been after my books, but Faith likes materials. I am so worried about my couch that I leave old blankets around for her to tear up while I have to go to Los Angeles and stay away all day. She doesn't really eat them, just tears them apart. She also likes to tear up papers, so I leave the local newspaper out for her when I have to go.Not a good way to raise a dog, I know, but I don't have the energy to figure it out right now. With all that's going on.

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  25. This is so hilarious! What a fun dog Callie is. Someday, when we stop traveling we'd like to get a dog. I hope we get one like Callie, minus the paper eating.

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  26. We had a young border collie that would steal the neighbors kittens, and put them in his bed with him.

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  27. Maybe that phone list smelled like something so delicious she just couldn't resist. I would love to see photos of Callie. She sounds like a smart and beautiful doggie.

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  28. Maggie,
    Goodness and Chancy looks so innocent. Guess one list isn't so bad after all:))

    Jenny Woolf,
    Welcome to TNS and thank you for stopping by and commenting. Glad I could find your funny bone.

    Linda R,
    You just may be right. We try our best.

    Cheryl,
    I did have backup in my computer.
    That is odd. Is she sharpening her claws? Sure would make you tidy about your shoes.

    NCMountainwoman,
    I feel your distress. Mighty dog loved poop and dried worms. So far I haven't seen Callie eat creature left overs.

    Inger,
    Wow, Bandit lived up to his name and Faith has a really busy past time. I know this has been a really hard time for you and training can just wait. Take care.

    Kay,
    Thanks. And yes as much traveling as you do, a pet is out. Plants and trees are much better.

    Brighid,
    Wow, he really had strong maternal instincts. How sweet, though probably not for mamma cat.

    robin,
    I will post some soon. She has grown since I first got her. She really is special.

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  29. Where can I even begin? Not my Slim. She is perfect and does not touch anything that is not designated as hers. But her predecessors ingested some interesting things from 250 Ibuprofen tablets (and survived), birthday cakes and a whole chicken (bones and all). I am pretty sure Callie knew you calling those people took time away from her and so she destroyed the list.

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  30. My cat is behaviorally challenged and does not pay any attention to my scolds. She's a rebel :)

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  31. I'm trying to analyse Callie's out-of-charater behavior. Perhaps she just wants to keep you on your toes. I once had a dog who would go into the dirty wash hamper, pull out a pair of my underpants, and leave them on our indoor stairsteps. He would only do this when I left home without taking him. When I arrived back home, he would stand with his tail between his legs waiting for me to discover the underpants. I would always make a big show of scolding him, because he seemed to want that attention. I was glad he didn't do anything more destructive. Also, if I brought anyone home with me, I knew to unobtrusively pick up the pants so they wouldn't be on public display.

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  32. Ok Ok. I believe even as a retired teacher. Dogs do amazing things. Baron loved to steal sandwiches wolfing them down (except for any lettuce on board) :)

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  33. A delightful post. Maybe it was the concentrated scent of you that saved the corners.

    I've had a dog to strip wallpaper and pile it in a pile after watching me one day. Another dog would devour paper but paper money was brought to me.

    There's just something about that grateful, oh, I love you forever whether you shave your legs or not look that keeps me in love with canines.

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  34. Maybe her idea was to be your phone directory. You jus have to figure out how to access it.

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  35. Grannie Annie,
    Holy moly, that is a pretty impressive list of eaten stuff. Lucky you and them that they survived. Pretty sure I wouldn't have survived the Ibuprofen. Slim must be a breath of fresh air.

    Keith,
    Ha ha, cats rule us, not the other way around. That is part of their charm.

    Barb,
    Ha,ha that could have had some interesting consequences. Good thing you were on to the trick. Makes me think of a post I need to write.

    TB,
    Not in to leafy greens huh? Not many dogs are. Bet he had you trained in no time.

    Gail,
    Well if you could have trained them to do it when you wanted it done, all would have been great. Kind of like digging.
    You are right, it is impossible to hold a grudge with those wonderful creatures.

    Mary lee,
    Good point. It did show up in the poop, but the ink had run.

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  36. Hello, Just got home from a nice trip to Arkansas to celebrate George's birthday. I will blog about it tomorrow.

    Now--it's time to start working in the yard, cleaning up all of the 'junk' from the ice storm. What a mess!!!

    Hope you are doing well. Sounds like you have the PERFECT dog except when it comes to eating your list... Oh MY!!!!!!

    About putting numbers on your phone, the best thing about that is that once they are there, you don't have to type in the numbers each time you call them... Just click on their name. SO SIMPLE... I encourage you to do it this way.

    Hugs,
    Betsy

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