Monday, August 3, 2015

THE PROPOSAL


Gosh, I sure am glad I am not a young man these days (well any day I guess but especially these days). Just asking a girl for a date to the prom or if he is really serious, asking her to marry him has become a production.  One that needs to top all the previous ones recorded.

As an uninterested party, I do enjoy watching the creativity these fellows put into their quests. Sky writing, flash mobs, costumes, jumping out of airplanes, and knee dropping in front of thousands. There have been some sweet and very choreographed proposals that were filmed and gone viral. Yes, the camera is vital. While I am glad I am not a young man in today's world but I am also glad I am not a young woman.  Goodness. the pressure!!!

I have had three proposals in my long lifetime that I accepted but they sure were run of the mill. "Will you marry me?"  " I think we should get married." "You know, we could get married." Not mind blowers nor creative but I accepted all three at least for a while. However I only followed through on one to the alter. I am not counting the one that came at the end of a wanna be pimp's recruitment that I wrote about in 09. I was easily able to refuse that one.

How would I have felt if the guys had put on a big production. Would I have felt obligated to actually marry the fellow on effort alone?

My niece was surprised by such a proposal and caved to the pressure.  Her boyfriend was a sports writer so he had some pull. At a Cleveland Cavalier's game, he got the arena to paste his proposal on the score board during half time. When she saw it the same time as the thousands in attendance, he dropped to one knee. Later she told me--how could I say no?

She married him but it didn't last and she often felt it was that darn proposal that made her accept when in her heart, she wasn't sure.

I wonder how many of these women today say "yes" simply not to embarrass the fellow.  They obviously care something about the guys or they wouldn't be dating them.  Still, marriage may not have even been a consideration.

So is the surprise proposal production a good idea?  Who knows but like many people, I watch even while in the back of my mind, I am thinking of my niece.

Surprise proposals are interesting to watch but nothing tops the surprise reunion of military service parent and child. Now that brings happy tears and I could watch them all day and never question their value as I do the surprise proposal.

Did you ever receive a spectacular proposal and did it sway your decision??

30 comments :

  1. I'm so old I can't remember! Having been hitched for 28 years I can't remember who asked who and what was said, so I can only assume the whole thing was very low key and dead boring. No sky diving or flash mobs from or for me. Now I feel I've missed out. :D

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  2. I do not like these huge proposals that are required for school dances. My granddaughter did a very clever thing to invite a young man to their Sadie Hawkins dance and he declined in front of a huge bunch of his pals. She was devastated. He came to her later and apologized and said he would go to the dance with her. Thankfully she told him where he could go instead....

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  3. Reality TV has indeed changed our world...and not for the better as far as I can see. I think those large, public, pressure-filled displays are SO disrespectful to others, but especially to one's self. Well, I guess I am now officially on my way to curmudgeonhood.

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  4. One of my life guiding mottos is "keep it simple but sincere".... I'll stick with that :)

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  5. I agree that it's a little silly to expect someone to tell you what they really feel if they are pressured like that to cave in. We lived in a different time when I was being proposed to, but nobody even dropped to one knee for me. Interesting post, though! I would hope that most guys who do something in such a public fashion would know with certainty that she wants to get married to him! :-)

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  6. I'd definitely refuse such a flamboyant proposal. I'd take him to be
    a complete baffoon or a full-blown narcissist. To me, a marriage
    proposal should be romantic and one that doesn't include an
    audience.

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  7. Never thought about this but you are so right. I always assumed these proposals were with couples where the acceptance was just assumed based on previous conversations, but I forgot about how some men will do anything or are very bed at reading signals.

    I am the absolute worst at this and I have had plenty of chances. I was the least lame with Mrs. Cranky and that will be my last no matter what.

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  8. Well, I've only had 2 proposals in my life... one I cared about, but knew we were too different for it to work, the other has lasted 48 years. Neither was a public proposal, thank goodness. I really wouldn't have liked that. But then, I don't care for reality TV either.

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  9. I do hope those men know what they're doing! How embarrassing it would be to get turned down in public. Personally, I think proposals should be meaningful and done in private. Does that make me an old fuddy-duddy? lol!

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  10. Like you, I had three proposals -- all quiet and private. I said "No" twice and "Yes" the third time. I agree that a big production in public would have made it embarrassing and difficult to say "No". And I think that something is lost when such a huge and private decision is overshadowed, in a very real sense, by a major public display.

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  11. I do not like surprises of any kind and would highly resent a grandstand proposal. My proposal was, "maybe we should think about setting a wedding date." That was romantic enough for me.

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  12. No spectacular proposals ---but I will say that George got on his knees and proposed to me at church in front of 50 of my Bible Study students.... We knew that we were going to get married and we even had chosen the rings. BUT--he surprised me giving it to me in front of that big group. Needless to say, I was too darn excited to do much teaching that night.... (He proposed BEFORE the class got started. Everyone cheered --and I CRIED of course.)

    Hugs,
    Betsy

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  13. I would never want a proposal that was staged and crazy. I like romance in a small and quiet loving way. I feel bad for young men who think they have to jump through these kinds of dramatic hoops to propose. Sounds like too much theatrics for true love.

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  14. No large productions for me. He proposed to me the first one...it didn't last. I proposed the second one we have been married 46 years. I don't like over-the-top weddings either...I like the more low key and simple. Hugs and give the sweeties nose kisses for me. Hope you are staying cool in the heat sweet Patti.

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  15. I often wonder about these public proposals. The girl really can't say "no" in front of thousands of people but is getting married really a good idea. Your post has given me my answer.

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  16. Joey,
    Didn't realize you had been together that long. You could always do something special for a renewal.

    Grannie Annie,
    That is everyone's biggest fear--rejection. Glad she turned him down. I had that happen when I was a freshman and asked the BMOC (big man on campus) senior out for the same type of dance where the girls asked the guys. My fellow was really sweet but refused also. At least only he and I knew.

    Olga,
    Hey, I am right there with you. I do however like the service men and women that surprise their kids as seen sometimes on the nightly news.

    TB,
    You can't go wrong with that approach.

    Djan,
    Sometimes they don't. I saw one at a ball park where she said no. I felt so badly for the fellow. He had just made a fool of himself on national TV.

    Manzi,
    You and I are in total agreement. It should mean something, not just be a show.

    Joeh,
    Hey, you got it right when it counted. Like I said to Djan, I have seen it flop for the poor guy.

    Rian,
    How smart of you to know the first one wasn't right. One of mine was like that also.

    Cheryl,
    Me a fuddy-duddy too. I have seen it when it turned out awful for the guy.

    Dr. Kathy,
    I said yes to all three but only followed through with one. Just glad mine were in the days when folks were more circumspect.

    NCMountainwoman,
    Well it worked for you and lasted so it was the perfect one. I would have hated what my niece went through.

    Betsy,
    Aw, I would have bet George did the knee thing. He is such a romantic. At least it was before people you knew and you had all ready discussed it. It certainly worked.

    robin,
    I know. I wonder how this trend got started for now it has spread to teens and prom dates. Not my style.

    Maggie,
    I like that you saw what you wanted and went for it. You have had a very successful marriage and have helped so many. I just wish you weren't going through what you are right now.

    Stephen,
    They can say "no" and sometimes do but I think a lot of them get caught up like my niece did and make an unfortunate decision due to the pressure.

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  17. Not only proposals but weddings are getting totally out of hand. I blame it on all the reality television programs where the couples try to outdo one another just for a honeymoon. Perhaps if they spent less on the wedding they could afford the trip.

    I have only received one proposal, which I accepted briefly, but we weren't meant to be. Good thing too, as he went to prison for beating the woman he eventually married. Yes, I dodged a bullet (almost literally) on that one.

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  18. Ummm... I got the non-creative "I think we should get married." Was OK though. The marriage has lasted 42 years. I don't understand the need for all the public display. You're right. Too much pressure!

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  19. I think Reality Television has helped these "Production" type proposals become almost commonplace. One topping the next and the next, and so on.....It seems kind of ridiculous to me, in a way.....But, also kind of exciting. Never had any kind of Big Deal Proposal.....And I think you are right---that decisions are made from this kind of Big Show, which might not have been made otherwise.
    I must say, it might have been fun to have a special kind of proposal---but, I would hate to think I would base a "YES!", on that.....lol!

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  20. My proposal came as a complete surprise. I was having too much fun to get married but since he brought it up and had already purchased the ring...

    Forty-three years later I am still wondering why I caved.

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  21. So very interesting. It never occurred to me the pressure the recipient of those proposals might feel - and the shaky marriage that will likely follow.
    I suppose I should be grateful that I never received one - of any description. Somehow we just ended up married. It's been 45 years, so I guess we're good for a few more years.

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  22. I remember Bob picking me up where I was student teaching and seeming very nervous. He drove to a place that had a view of the river and sitting there in the car, he asked me to marry him. (He had gone to my mother first with his intentions, and she gave her blessings.) I had just received a scholarship to graduate school in another state. However, I immediately said yes. We were married a few months later. That was nearly 49 years ago. I've never regretted the quiet proposal or the man. (I did go to graduate school after we had 4 kids...)

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  23. I guess I did have some proposals that surprised me. None of them were big productions. One produced a ring. He was the one I married first. My current husband, my dear high school sweetheart, proposed four times. Once in high school, once in college, once three days before I married my first husband, and once thirty years after I turned him down in high school. I should have married him first. He would have been the only one I trip to the altar for. I think that these big production proposals are over the top, unnecessary, and must cause a lot of pressure. How could you say no in front of others?

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  24. Not me, just the kind of line you also heard. So I took him up on one of the lines he gave me, and that was 60 years ago this past July 12th. That's a heck of a long time no matter how much you love someone. LOL

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  25. Hi Patti,
    Those huge production proposals are very 'American' to us and we Dutchies view them on (reality) TV with curiosity. Mind you, our younger generation Dutch women tend to like them, and ask their guys to lean more towards those overseas-overboard proposals. But Dutch guys do not nearly go as far as Americans (yet).
    I was proposed to twice. Both times accepted. Both times shouldn't have... But that is with hindsight.
    I hardly watch any TV, but will immediately turn off reality stuff. Simply gives me a voyeur feeling. I prefer real life to heavily edited 'reality'.
    Renée

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  26. Eileen,
    I'm with you on weddings. That money could make a nice down payment on a home and huge bucks spent on a wedding certainly do not guarantee a long marriage.

    Kay,
    Well it sure worked for you. You and Art are a great couple.

    Naomi,
    I agree but it might just be hard to say "no" to a guy that puts so much into a simple yet life altering question.

    Gail,
    Ha,ha I think the 43 years speak for themselves.

    Marty,
    Hum, interesting how you just kind of fell into marriage but it had to be the right thing for you. You have a nice a nice long haul.

    Barb,
    Now that is way more romantic than a marching band and loud speakers. Seems the quiet, sincere ones make for the longest marriages.

    Sally,
    Wow, I didn't know he had proposed so many times. What perseverance and he really wanted you for his wife. That love story would make a cool movie.

    Patty,
    Congrats big time to you and Abe and you are right--that is a long time. Some people don't even get to live that long. Wishing you many, many more.

    Renee,
    I think it is a "young persons" idea here also. When they go for the production, they make it on the Internet and the nightly news or are spotted by an auditorium full of people. So sorry you had two unfortunate proposals.

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  27. Even though I have been married twice, I don't think anyone, including the two men I married ever proposed to me. I never got a diamond ring either, go figure. I always thought it was because I didn't cook!!!!

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  28. Oh, Patti, I agree completely!!! My oldest grandson went to a prom this year and I was astounded when my daughter told me about all the preparations some kids put into just ASKING someone to the prom, never mind the expenses of the actual event! They don't hold those things in the high school gyms any more, do they?! :)

    Hallmark has a cute movie about a girl who receives three very public marriage proposals and she's too embarrassed not to accept them--only to walk out during the ceremony because she can't go through with it. I don't think there has ever been a time in my life that I'd have thought a public proposal would be a good thing. And I'd have cringed had it happened to one of my kids. (Grandson just asked--no fanfare. She accepted.)

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  29. I have wondered the same thing..how awful for the guy if the girl says no! Or vice versa!
    My proposal was sort of a mutual decision. Nothing exciting about it, except I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, and I assume he felt likewise. LOL!

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  30. Inger,
    Ha ha, but then you found a man who could cook like my mother did. So even with out all the falderal, you had a long happy marriage. So sorry it couldn't have been longer. Just goes to show it is not how it is done but the intent.

    Marylee,
    I know. Anymore it takes a production manager to pull off a simple date to the prom or a proposal. Probably a job opening there.

    Terri,
    You got it right. I have seen two public displays go badly when she said no. One at a ball game and one on a morning show. How does one get over that type of rejection?

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