Monday, January 13, 2020

HELP--- I NEED AN EXIT LINE


We were both heading for the doctor's office door. He beat me, opened it for me and gave me a surprise compliment on my looks.  It seemed harmless and what lady doesn't want to be told she is looking good especially when 80 years old and knows better. I thanked him for the open door and the compliment.

We entered the office, notified our respective receptionists and took seats on the same side of the room.   He was tall, heavy set and a bit scruffy in that he didn't really have a beard but just a patchy growth of random gray whiskers and untamed hair.  Almost street person like.

I noticed he was carrying a portable oxygen concentrator. Since I am dealing with COPD, I asked him how long the battery lasts with one of those.

He was briefly helpful and then he started asking somewhat personal questions. He asked if I was from around there and I told him I lived about 20 miles away. He noticed my ring less left hand and wanted to know if I lived alone.   I was starting to get a wee bit uncomfortable as we were only about 2 minutes into the conversation.

He then wanted to know if I would want to go out sometime. I said "not really" and to change the subject, I asked him about the small bottle he was rubbing on his rather massive stomach in a rhythmic fashion.  His stomach was quite large. Were he a woman I think he would have been due in about a month. Sadly one of the signs of liver disease.

"Oh this is my Testosterone." he explained. "I'm just warming it up so the nurse can give me a shot."

Then he waved his hands over his body and grinned. "It keeps all of this working."

I think that was to assure me that he might be old but with a little chemical help he was a fully functioning fellow.

Then he said, "How about you give me your phone number and we can talk some more?"

Just then, my nurse called me into the office.  Phew. She and I got the giggles when I told her that I had just been hit on by a stranger in the waiting room. 

When I left the office, he was gone. I saw him getting into his pickup truck in front of the building. I was parked around the side.

"Hey, Hey! " he yelled.

I kept walking. I mean at my age it would be perfectly normal if I were hard of hearing.

As I drove out, he pulled up to my vehicle and rolled down his window.  I just smiled, waved and drove off. He didn't follow--I checked.

It had been so long since I had been so blatantly hit on I was totally unprepared. You either use it or lose it and that applies to snappy comebacks.   I really didn't have a handy line that would let him know in a kindly fashion I wasn't interested since "not really" didn't register.

When I told my support group at lunch, they really had fun with it. One of the ladies asked me if I were worried  and I said. "No, pretty sure even with my bad lungs I could out shuffle him:)"

Now what I need from you is a cool but kindly exit line if for some reason I am put in that position again. This is a small town and I will very likely run into him again. Thanks for your help.

57 comments :

  1. Ha, ha! You handled it beautifully, Patti. In answer to his question if you lived alone, 'No.' Your phone number? 'Sorry, it's classified'. I'll wager he is not the sensitive type anyway and no doubt meets many 'hearing impaired' ladies, both young and old.

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    1. Florence,
      Those are all good an filed away if needed. Considering how bold and quick he worked, pretty sure you are right.

      Delete
  2. Replies
    1. Olga,
      I would like to think that but I am pretty sure female and breathing were his only requirements.

      Delete
  3. I don't wear my wedding ring, but I don't think I've been hit on like that in years. Of course, I'm not single so that is helpful, but in any case I wouldn't tell anyone if I lived alone. Plus, you're not alone, you have your vicious guard dog! :-)

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    1. Djan,
      Not a bad idea. I could upgrade Callie to being a pit bull. How would he know the real Callie would welcome Ted Bundy with the same enthusiasm as Santa?

      Delete
  4. Ah, you've got it I'd say.
    I don't have a snappy come back for you.
    Last time this happened to me I about laughed in his face. (I was with Rick at the time) I just said, Thank you for asking I am flattered but I am in a committed relationship. How very boring from me right? But I was so shocked. Yep, lose it if you don't use it. :-)

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    1. Margaret,
      That handled it nicely for you. But it really does shock you into either blurting out the truth or just fumbling. Kudos,you kept it together.

      Delete
  5. I've never needed a snappy line to discourage a lady. Apparently only other men use the creepy come-on. I have on occasion been told, "Sorry, not interested...go away" but as a guy that doesn't work; we don't discourage easily. "Go away, you are creepy, please do not talk to me" is more effective. Us men are not very good at subtle.

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    1. Joeh,
      Good to hear a male viewpoint. Think you might be right since my simple "not really" when asked if I wanted to go out didn't slow him down a bit. Probable sounded like "maybe" to him.

      Delete
  6. I always tell people...."no is a complete sentence". You do not have to explain anything. I sometimes think we feel like we have to give a reason when we really DO NOT. When someone says do you want to go out sometime? If is am not interested I say no. Can I have your number? Same thing, No. You can say it nicely and completely. I guess, in the end, I am okay with some stranger thinking I am a bitch...I will never see them again and "No is a complete sentence".

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    1. Annsterw,
      You are right and I had gotten good at just saying "no" to most things I am not interested in but he came out of left field with his questions. I was not prepared. Think I will be better in the future if there is a repeat.

      Delete
  7. I tend to be pretty paranoid, given my history of unwanted interactions with men, so I would have said that I live with my family and lots of dogs. No means no.

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    1. robin,
      Oh how I wish I'd had my wits about me and done just that. I was just too shocked to be smart.

      Delete
  8. I got hit on after my husband died while I was shopping and taking a break, sitting on a bench in the shoe department. Shocked the heck out of me because, like you, it had been a long time. In your case, you were wise to have your alarm bells go off in your head and you handled it well.

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    1. Jean,
      Yes is really is a shock isn't it? Time makes you forget how to handle those things. Think I will be ready if it ever comes up again.

      Delete
  9. Sorry, no snappy comments. The most recent time a man said something to me, was "fuck you're ugly", and my response was, "you're no prize yourself."

    I agree with the previous comments, a simply no thank you should suffice.

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    1. Eileen,
      Wow, what a creep!!! Think I'd have left a mark on him somewhere.

      Delete
  10. I don't think you need a snappy comeback. You owe this man nothing.I agree you did the right thing.

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    1. Carolyn,
      Thank you and I really hope I don't cross paths with him again.

      Delete
  11. Hmmm, a variation of the issue B and I were just talking about. As people get older many of them lose their inhibitions, simply because they no longer care what people think. Suggestion: Get up and move your seat? Or decide you have to go to the bathroom? Just an idea.

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    1. Tom,
      Think you are right about inhibitions. The bathroom seems like a really good idea. When I come back, I could just sit somewhere else. That should send a message.

      Delete
  12. Patti, I had such a chuckle over your encounter with this character but I'm sure it was more than you being female & breathing :)
    I would've said something like "Forgive me for staring, but you're a dead ringer for my brother" but JoeH is right, guys take anything besides a "no" or "I'm calling the cops" as a challenge :)

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    1. Doug,
      Ha ha, that might work unless he was from a state where that was legal:))

      Delete
  13. "See you later, alligator."

    "See you in a while, crocodile."

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    Replies
    1. gigi,
      Hum, do you suppose if I sang it to him it would make the point clear?

      Delete
  14. That's interesting, Patti. I never wear my ring because of working with clay. But I've also never been 'hit on' as such (or possibly too naive to know it?) except once by a friend's husband who was not subtle. Told him "Are you crazy? I'm YOUR WIFE'S FRIEND". He later moved on to others in the area and my friend divorced him...

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    1. Rian,
      Yikes, what a creep that guy was and so glad his wife kicked him to the curb.

      Delete
  15. Suffering from HIV? Nah, that wouldn't work.

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    1. Anni,
      Well a good social disease might work. We were at a doctor's office after all.

      Delete
  16. This was hilariously written, Patti.

    As for exit lines, he sounds pretty persistent. You may just have to feign deafness and walk away like you didn't hear him. Then wave a fist at him if he persists.

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    1. Sherry,
      So glad you got the humor. Deafness might work--especially if I run into him in town.

      Delete
  17. Wow, he didn't waste any time did he? I have not been hit on since right after my Shug passed but my line is "No thank you, been there and done that". You did okay handling the situation and hopefully you won't see him again. Hugs

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    1. Maggie,
      That is my only concern. This is a tiny town and we use the same doctor. At least next time, I will be ready for him.

      Delete
  18. Does it never end no matter our age? I think you handled it well. Just looking seriously at him for extended seconds, saying nothing, before finally turning away, could be unsettling for him. Often people don’t handle silence well, and with unsmiling eye contact that might short circuit him. Or, cutting him off quick and simply as some suggest with a minimum of words is probably a good way to go — maybe walking up to receptionist, then moving to a different seat or just deliberately moving. He doesn’t sound like the type who would be easily offended.

    Recall an older married guy at free afternoon jazz concerts where cross currents of conversation occurred among some who frequented the monthly affair. It became known from the quartet and vocalist who had befriended me that I was a recent widow and was a Speech-Language Pathologist working in health care medical area with adults, mostly older. A rather obnoxious guy in the audience many months indicated he needed to talk to me one afternoon. Thinking it might relate to something about his unwell wife who never attended, I walked over to his table before returning to my seat. He started speaking low conspiratorially leading up to complaining about some sort of toe or foot problem that I might want to examine to assist in his proper treatment. I couldn’t believe it! What did he think a Speech Therapist did? I recalled there had been occasional loud vocal show-off innuendos from him to the group intimating openness or even seeking an alliance with a woman — that they could simply go to another city and no one would be the wiser. I simply told him his foot or toe problem was out of my area of expertise and went back to sit with female vocalist, wife of drummer. That had to be one of the strangest hits I’d ever had — that and the one elsewhere when a guy young enough to be my son made a pitch. What a crazy world or is it a world of crazy people?

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    1. Joared,
      Wow, what a weirdo he was. Well we know these sorts aren't thinking with their brains. Just when you think we've reached a safe age, we have to learn once more it is a crazy world.

      Delete
  19. My favourite comment is ' dream on '.

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    1. Fun60,
      I should have used that when he first asked. Can't believe all the good lines I'm getting.

      Delete
  20. Thanks, but I gave at the office? I would not know what to do although I grew up with brothers and usually can think of a comeback. This sounds really creepy and I'm glad you didn't give him any pertinent info. He's was definitely hot to trot.

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    1. Snickelfritz,
      Now that is funny. I almost want to be hit on again so I can use it.

      Delete
  21. I don't expect to ever be hit on so I have no good ideas. I think just "No" works.

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    1. As Annsterw said, "No" is a complete sentence. I need to remember that.

      Delete
  22. Right at the beginning when he asked if you'd like to go out sometime, instead of "not really", you say "No thank you" very firmly, since 'not really' suggests you aren't sure and could maybe get your mind changed. You could also mention a husband, even if you don't have one.

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    1. River,
      You are right "not really" is almost a "maybe". He really caught me flat footed. I'll be better armed if I see him again.

      Delete
  23. Per usual you give us a challenge. I guess I would have laughed and said something like …"no thanks. My partner would object. She's a tiger where I'm concerned."

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  24. Ask a chap like that how rich he is, where his mansion is and if he has a permanent nurse/carer on tap. And then say, sorry not really what I’m looking for. Bye...

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    1. Friko,
      Hey lady good to see you here. Yeah, I should get to ask a few questions my self and those are good ones. In Florida we referred to older guys like him as looking for a purse and a nurse.

      Delete
  25. This question and responses really got me laughing. There is a very nice gentlemen living in the complex that always greats me with a compliment. It certainly does brighten my day but I don't know what I'd do if I knew it was a come'on. LOL.

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    1. Barbara,
      I know, there have really been some great comments. Hey, just enjoy the day brightening. I know what you mean.

      Delete
  26. I'm smiling at both your story and the comments! A few years ago, in the city, I was sitting alone at a coffee shop when a guy approached and asked if he could have a seat. I thought he actually meant take the chair to another table, so I said (truthfully), "No I'm waiting for someone." He ended up sitting closeby, staring until my husband rode up on his bike and joined me. I thought that situation was creepy, too - I was probably late 60's at the time. I've been married so long, I certainly don't think of myself as a hot commodity! I think the advise to say "no" and get up and move would work for me if it ever happens again.

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  27. Barb.
    Haven't the comments been fun?
    Yes, just him sitting there and watching would be creepy. I too really like that moving idea.
    I have so many ideas now I'll be disappointed if I don't get to try some out. I am now armed and dangerous:))

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  28. Dear Patti, these responses are so enjoyable to read. I have none to offer as I've never met the situation before but it seems to me you now have an arsenal of responses! And while "no" is enough I would think, the "Me Too" movement made me so aware that many men do not have that word in their vocabulary and if they do they take it as a personal challenge. So, I'm not sure, but IF it ever happened to me, I think I'd get up and move! Peace.

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    1. Dee,
      I think that might be best if he doesn't take "No" for an answer.

      Delete
  29. Oh my! The last time I was hit upon was when I was 24. Nothing since then so I’m afraid I don’t have any great exit line. I like the idea of going to the bathroom and moving to another seat though. And it’s a good idea to never tell anyone that you live alone. I’m glad you have a good watch dog living with you, Patti. I worry for you just because I have a widow friend who got hit on (she’s 80 too) and he wouldn’t give up until her family told him to leave her alone.

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. Kay,
      That was totally scary about your friend. Thank goodness her family straightened him out.
      I really wish I hadn't told him that I live alone but he caught me off guard. Think I am prepared now. As for Callie, she would love on a burglar.

      Delete

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