HOW DO YOU APOLOGIZE TO A DOG

This is a serious post and one I am quite ashamed of.

These are hard times and Covid 19 has claimed me as a victim via collateral damage. All this isolation and stress finally got to me.  I slipped over the edge, shocking myself. I lost it. I blew it. I crumpled to the pressure. Right now I have no use for the person I, for a moment, became.

I thought I was handling all of this pretty well so I didn't even see it coming.  I was getting ready for bed per usual. That means before bath I clear the pets out of my bedroom for they do not sleep with me.  Minnie is the cat from Hell as a bed buddy.  She tries to smother me by lying across my face.  Somehow Callie swells up from a 25 pound dog into a yearling heifer in the bed. I have no idea how she gets so big when relaxed. Besides, I like to stretch out so they have always been banished for the night to the couch.  It was a working arrangement for all.

I pointed towards the door and gently said "Out" as I always do. Minnie quickly responded while Callie just looked at me.  Surprised at her lack of action,  I said a bit more forcefully, "Out Callie!!" Nothing.   One more time I repeated the usual command even more loudly.  This time almost defiance but no movement.

I felt something alien boiling up in me. I used my outside voice usually saved for warning someone of danger. "GET-OUT-RIGHT-NOW!" I shouted.  Callie is paying attention but looks at me like she has never heard the words before and has no idea who I am.  Then I snapped.

I grabbed her butt and shoved her roughly off the bed while again shouting, "OUT."  When she hit the floor, she tucked tail and disappeared into the living room totally wild eyed and crushed. While you may know some things about me that I have shared, I can only assure you that this is wildly out of character for me. I do not know this person and hope I never see her again.

I was actually breathing hard and had to sit down. That is when the shame hit me.  Good grief, what had I become after a month or so in solitary confinement? Sure I had plenty of  phone calls but minimal face to face and no physical contact with another human in that time. What would I be like in another month?

Callie was on the couch and for the first time in our relationship, she cringed when I reached out to stroke her head. Now my heart was as broken as Callie's.

For a long time I stroked her softly and begged her to forgive me. Over and over I repeated how sorry I was.  I didn't feel like I was getting through. This whole episode was new to each of us.  I just hoped she could forgive and not fear me.  I thought if she were a person, this would have gone better. She would understand the words at least. Callie had no clue, just the memory of a crazy lady.

Then I wondered how families were bearing up under this unusual confinement and stress. Were married couples carping at each other now out of frustration? Were parents snapping at their children?  Have you felt the unreasonable urge to strike out over almost nothing?

I hope if you do, you take the time to take deep breaths before you act. Walk away if necessary and then do something nice for the object of your irritation. I really wish I had just gotten her a cookie.

Trust me, if you don't calm yourself and just give into that moment of anger, the after burn is awful.

The good news is that I have been forgiven.  I washed the bedding the next morning and changed the bed.  Of course Callie was still on the couch with a pitifully sad face.

Then when all was ready and her blanket was protecting my bedspread, I opened the door and said "Callie, come."  Yes dogs can smile. She just beamed and happy danced on the same bed she had so rudely been evicted from the night before. Life for her was good again. I felt all right once more and am pretty sure I will never lose my cool like that again.

Please stay safe and---be kind.