FOUR LEGGED CRITICS

Often in my life I have come under criticism from the least critical of God's creatures, four legged pets.

Early on before I learned to cook half ways decently, my ex-husband's dog, Meathead, would routinely turn his nose up at my botched dinner attempts.

Bill would say, "Patti, even Meathead won't eat this."

And yes, the renowned chow hound whom I had seen eagerly eat another dog's poop, would sniff, sneeze and walk off leaving my attempts untouched. Yes, my beginner cooking was that bad.  Guess I should have been proud that he at least didn't hike his leg on it.

I wrote  a while ago about what Minnie the cat thinks of my singing.   Evidently I can actually turn my cat on with my voice.  She goes a little nuts when I make a joyful noise. She begins purring, moaning, sensually rolling and head butting me with a love bite or two thrown in for good measure.

One might take this as a positive critique but some how I don't. When she hears me sing, think I remind her of the good ole days when she had been courted by a tom cat looking for love.  If you have ever heard the yowling of a romantic tom cat, you know that is not a compliment to my singing.

Ok, so I have a bad singing voice that sounds like a horny cat. I can live with that. Age has not been kind to my vocal cords.  Even my speaking voice is much weaker and cracks like ice in a glass of warm tea. But until I got Callie, I had no idea how annoying my voice had become.

Callie likes me to talk to her only briefly--preferably a quick "good girl" or "do you want a cookie" will suffice. However, she loathes it when I get on the phone and talk for long periods.

As soon as I answer the phone, she is hitting the door wild eyed like she is bursting a bladder. She can't bear to be around when I am on the phone and frantically begs to leave the house--NOW. Since most of my calls last from 30 minutes to an hour, even if it is raining, she stays outside on the porch the whole time.

"Excuse me, I have to let my dog out." always very quickly follows, "Hello" when ever I get on the phone.

Is my voice louder on the phone?? Nope--its just there in all its normal crackly glory and she hates it.

Now I am a pacer when I am on the phone. I pace non-stop.  It started in my teens when those first 16 foot curly phone cords were invented to make us feel a little better about being tied to the wall.  Actually I am kind of happy with the habit as pacing adds steps to my fitness band.

But, could my pacing be what drives her out of the house? Probably not. I'm sticking with the voice.

I guess I should be grateful for the honesty my pets provide. They know nothing about political correctness nor tact. They let me know straight out with no sugar coating.

You ever have a furry friend give you a thumbs down?